I don't know if I should be upset.......
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I don't know if I should be upset.......
| Fri, 10-13-2006 - 10:49am |
Ok, so last night my fiance turned me down for sex. When I asked why he said because he had masturbated before I came home. I know that he masturbates and that's not the issue, the problem is I don't like the fact that it interfered in our sex life. He assured me it wasn't me that he still liked sex, but he said sometimes it is just easier to do that than to have sex. I don't know whether to be upset or not. Right now we have great sex several times a week, but I worry that this may become more of a problem. It also made me wonder if past times he turned me down were because of this. He doesn't seem upset, and didnt' want to talk about it. What should I do?

Yes you should be upset, this guy is flawed (and stupid). It won't get better after marriage.
R
Rich, good to the last drop
I guess my question to him would be "if you knew I'd be home soon, why did you do that, or why couldn't you wait?"
If you're having sex several times a week.....it's not like he's ignoring you. Did you ask for sex the minute you got in the door, or was it later in the evening? And if it was later, what he'd done several hours before shouldn't stop him then.
His remark that it's "easier" makes me wonder. It's true, it's easier to "pleasure yourself" than it is to have to "pleasure" another person.....but if you care about that person, why would you NOT want to share the pleasure?
It sounds like there's something else going on, possibly outside the bedroom, but he's the only one who can tell you what, if anything, it is.
Discuss it and work it out BEFORE getting married.
This comment of his concerns me.
" but he said sometimes it is just easier to do that than to have sex. "
Possible red flag of an issue to come. Sexual frequency normal declines after a couple of years together as the 'in-love' chemistry fades away so it then starts taking work to maintain an active sex life. He sounds like that might become too much work for him to do.