I Fake Them Everytime!
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I Fake Them Everytime!
| Sat, 06-23-2007 - 2:48pm |
I'm 23 and am the master at faking orgasms. I'm not proud of it (it only hurts me in the end), but I can't seem to have one other than with myself.
I start to feel bad when a guy spends all their energy trying to make me climax, so towards what feels like 200th minute of foreplay or sex, I just give up on hitting the Big-O and I fake it! I have never been able to climax with a man.
I spoke up about it with my last boyfriend after 4 months of faking it and he tried to help. I tried relaxing, clearing my mind, even imagining my fantasy, but nothing worked. After no luck, I went back to faking it (to help his ego). What's going on?
-Pugslett

Your biggest sex organ is your brain. It's what's going on in your head that's stopping it from happening! As soon as you stop worrying about orgasms, and stop thinking about orgasms, and start learning to enjoy what you're doing.....and think of nothing except the pleasure you're having at that moment....it can happen. The orgasm comes from the pleasure you're having, but if you're THINKING about why it's not happening, and if you're thinking about him working so hard, and thinking what a failure you are, if you're wondering if it's time to go into your act, and whatever else you're thinking.....it will never happen because you're acting, not REacting. An orgasm is a reaction to pleasure.
Also, the other poster touched on the fact that if you're expecting it to happen during intercourse, it probably won't.....at least not until you've learned how to LET them happen. There is no feeling inside your vagina....all you feel is friction and pressure....the real feeling comes from the clitoris.....which is why you need foreplay, to have clitoral stimulation. 80% of women don't have orgasms from intercourse alone. Even during intercourse, you need clitoral stimulation, either you can do it, or he can do it or your position can do it. Woman on top is best, because you control it.....and you can rub yourself against his pubic bone...
If you've never tried WOT, or if you've tried it and it didn't do anything for you, you have to do it right. You don't bounce around like a rabbit.....you move slowly and sensuously, grinding against him by rotating or thrusting your hips. (then you don't have to worry about him working so hard, either....he can just relax and watch you!) Don't "squat" on your heels, straddle him on your knees.
Bottom line, when you stop worrying about it, and start TRULY enjoying what you're doing, it will happen. As long as you start out with an orgasm as your goal, it won't happen. It's not the end of the world if you DON'T have one......and you'll never have one if you continue to pretend.
Welcome to the board pugslett.
You have gotten some great advice here. Perhaps with your last BF, you were focusing too much on the orgasm and him helping you get there.
About a year ago, my DH was trying to help me have a g-spot orgasm. It was him who first brought it up, and he attempted different positions and sexual aids. BUT, we were both just concentrating too much. He was waiting for my reaction, and I was trying to sort out the sensations I was feeling. Needless to say, it didn't happen. Several months later, when we had forgotten all of our efforts, I was suddenly having female ejaculations nearly every time we had sex!
My suggestion to you would be to stop faking it. It really is you that ends up the most hurt in the end. You don't need to feed "his" ego. If you just relax and try to enjoy sex, all of the sensations and feelings, you will both enjoy the event much more. While it makes a guy feel great to know he helped you achieve an orgasm, he also enjoys being with someone who enjoys having sex with him. If something feels great -- tell him, if you think something else would feel better, tell him that too.
my partner in the siggy exchange
Now find a man whose ego is NOT tied up in wether or not HE gives you an orgasm.
During masturbation, you have total control over everything so it is easier to cum that way, don't fret. If you can have one by yourself you can take the control over having one with a partner involved. As was mentioned before, it is really hard for most women to have an orgasm during intercourse, especially without clit stimulation. You have to find positions that allow that. WOT is great, dh and I love any rear entry that allows the use of fingers or a vib if I am not getting enough from the position. Also I have found once I have one clitoral orgasm, then going on to IC, I can have multiples more easily beause my clit gets more sensitive and less stimulation is needed. Don't be afraid to figure out what works for you then COMMUNICATE what you like and need. Most guys LOVE a woman who knows how to get turned on.
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Well from a mans perspective, when I found out my ex would fake it sometimes it actually made me feel worse than if she didnt fake and just didnt O. Now with my current GF when she gives me BJs she complained that I take forever and now every time she goes down on me, I pressure myself to orgasm as fast as possible and it makes it 10x worse, so I just end up helping her out.
Also before me she has never O'd and that was because her G spot was never stimulated. If you can find it or find a guy/or show him where it is, that may help. She has no problem achieving the big O with WOT. Good luck = )