I feel so inexperienced!
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| Thu, 01-05-2006 - 6:32am |
I just have to let this out. I'm 21 and still a virgin and I don't feel good about it. It feels like I'm so behind all of my friends and I want to be more experienced. I have done most but intercourse but still I feel inexperienced.
In my life I have had two boyfriends. One when I was 18. We had a short but wonderful relationship, but then I didn't feel ready at all. My experience from sex before him was 0 and I was just scared to death for sex. For the pain and so on, so we decided to wait and he understood. But even though we didnt have intercourse I learned a lot. But then the relationship ended for completely other reasons.
Then for two years I dated around, but it never became anything serious. I had fun and enjoyed it.
Now I'm in a 4 month relationship and we haven't done it yet. Now I feel totally ready, I'm not scared at all for sex. It's so different from when I was with my first boyfriend. I'm just not sure he's the right guy.. our relationship has been up and down and when it's like that I get insecure he's worth it. But I guess the main reason has been BC. I'm not on the pill and he can't wear a condom. He's been tested for STD's and has none. The thing is I want to see what sex is like without extra hormones in my body before starting on the pill. We tried condom and he just couldn't perform..... then he starts to get frustrated and wants me to go on the pill, but I still want to try with condom first.
I'm afraid this is ruining our relationship. He sees the sex as our biggest problem. I just want it over, I feel way to old to be a virgin. What should I do now? Do you think it's weird I am 21 and a virgin? It feels like everyone is doing it and I want that too. I want to have sex. I don't want to spend my whole life being a virgin. I feel really bad about this.
Please help

There is no age at which someone should loose their virginity.
Hi Bronze:
I waited til 25 to have sexual intercourse; I dated many women in college. My first time sexual intercourse was with my future wife. Mac
You feel way too old to be a virgin? You feel way behind your friends? Would you rather be like your friends and do it just to keep up with them? How many people have they slept with at this point? Believe me, you're not missing anything. There is NO age requirements for losing virginity, and truthfully, the older the better, because you're making a sensible choice, not doing it because other people are doing it.
He says he "can't" use a condom? Sure he can. What he's saying is that he doesn't LIKE to use condoms. Many men don't like to use them, but if they want sex, they WILL use them. And if they care about the woman they're with, they won't give her a hard time about it. You're right to doubt his sincerity. If he respected you, he'd respect your feelings and views.
When you find the "right" man, you won't be insecure, and you won't have any doubts. And when you do find him, you'll be glad you waited.
Also, be VERY careful when you're "fooling around". If he's not wearing a condom, he can leak seminal fluid, and that contains sperm. If that gets NEAR your vagina, you could get pregnant. Virgins have been known to get pregnant this way!
Don't worry about what your friends are doing, just do what's right for you. Your instincts tell you that this guy isn't the right one, which means he's probably not.
As tish wrote, "there is nothing wrong about being a virgin", I will second that and add, there is actually something very attractive about being a virgin, man or woman.
Not sure my comments are any better that the others; but here goes.
Think you want to be a non-virgin so much that you will end up so nervous the first time you do it; that the experience will not be as much fun as the expectation. There maybe a let down feeling on both parties and some embarrasssment. I know it was for me. You may want to do some research by checking out adult type books and movies, as to how to have fun, gain some techniques and find out what turns you on. You might consider doing this together to find out what the other enjoys or is discussing.
If you aren't 100% sure about losing your virginity to this guy, don't do it. If he respects you there will be no pressure, and he will wear a condom. No condoms aren't that much fun, but there's no reason he shouldn't be able to perform. I think it's a psychological problem - he doesn't think he'll enjoy it with a condom and it puts him off or ruins his mood for it. There should be no pressure from his end for you to go on the pill, it's your choice, he needs to respect that. If he can't, then he's DEFINITELY not the right person to be having sex with. And Tish is right, did he just tell you he'd been tested? Or are you sure about that? If he doesn't enjoy condoms, how many other times has he gone without them?
Good luck
Jan