I hate being touched
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I hate being touched
| Tue, 11-29-2005 - 8:04pm |
I do not like to be touched in my genital area manually...well at all. It does not feel comfortable to me...but I like the other parts of arousal such as the kissing, touching (as long as it's not that area), etc. When I tell my partner (even past partners) not to touch me down there they think I'm weird....I don't even like to touch myself down there or even the gyno.
Is there anyway to change this...or to make it feel enjoyable?

My guess is that you were touched inappropriately (sexually abused) as a child, or that you were raised in a very repressive atmosphere, and taught that your genitals were "dirty" or "nasty", and you would go to hell if you touched yourself.
Something somewhere at some time put those thoughts into your head, and you haven't overcome that. It will be very difficult to have a sexual relationship if you won't allow your partner to touch you. How would you have intercourse? How could you be aroused and well lubricated without some clitoral stimulation? You can't do any of that without being touched.
If you would get the negative thoughts out of your head, with therapy if necessary, you'd find that it's NOT uncomfortable, and it's a very basic (and necessary) part of sex. It will never be comfortable for you until you overcome whatever has made you feel this way.
Do you not fee aroused enough to want to be touched? I came across a lady who did not want to be touched at all down there because she was aroused but not enough. So with experimenting from stuff she bought from me, she found out what her problem was, which was not being aroused enough which caused her to hurt because she would be to dry. Now as far as going to the OB I dont blame you for not wanting to be touched, because I feel the same way about it. I have 2 boys who are 13 months apart and I hated being at the OB office being poked at any everything not fun.
Laura
bmore,
Our sense of touch and sense of smell are the two senses that are most related to memory and association. I don't know your history, but it is very common for both men and women who have had a negative experience with touch to react the way you do with no conscious knowlwedge of why this is happening.
In sexual abuse cases, much of the problem arises from two opposing forces: there is the natural pleasure sensations that the genitals feel and the cerebral cortex reacts by wanting more. However when the mind tells the body it is being violated (during rape or molestation of some kind)the brain sends out the message that this sensation "should" be a pain sensation. These opposing sensations are responsible for the guilt feelings that victims of sexual abuse or assault feel (the body naturally wants more but the brain is repelled by it...the result is confusion and discomfort). The brain then learns to interpret what is pleasureable as pain. The sensation is the same, but the interpretation is different.
This same thing can happen when a child is taught that pleasure via the genitals is "bad". The message is that this "should" feel bad, so the brain interprets pleasureable sensation as pain. What happens with some is that this message becomes so garbled that in order to have orgasm or physical pleasure they must feel pain, which is later labeled as masochism. In a way, a masochist has learned to use the mixed signals to become something positive (as long as they are not causing their bodies permanent damage) and it is a healthy way to deal with those feelings.
HOWEVER, the interpretation can be changed without resorting to masochism, by first finding the source of the mixed message and then gently "teaching" the body/mind to interpret sensation differently. Becoming aquainted with your body and comfortable with it is basically where to start.
Good luck.
Scott.