I have an idea ... comments?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
I have an idea ... comments?
18
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 7:40pm
I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last few weeks about things. Now that some of you know a little about me, I have been thinking of some of the other associates wives, the ones that give me "that look". My friend (who sells Mary Kay Cosmetics) has been bugging me to have a make-over party. They would receive free facials (not those kind!), manicures and pedicures - whatever their choice. I was thinking this might be a good way to break the ice a little with them and let them see that I am not just R's wife who lets her boobs hang out. I know one of the other wives enough to call her up and she likes me, but doesn't like R. She pulled me aside one night and told me I shouldn't let R dress me that way - so she must have heard from her hubby or someone that he does that. I don't know. I think she might help get the other wives to come. It would be during the day, they could come over and drink their martini's and watch my friend sell her stuff. What do you think? I think its a positive for all. Any thoughts or comments? I know this is not about sex, but I would appreciate knowing what you think.

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Avatar for leticiaf
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 7:51pm
I think that's a good idea. Allowing them to see another side of you would be great, and you might make some new friends. But do be prepared to have them not want to come after what they have already seen from you. Perhaps your friend can make it clear to them that this won't be an event to show off the girls ;o)

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 7:57pm
Sounds good to me.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 8:09pm
You know, I think they must all know. If that one lady knew, I'm sure they have talked about it. They were all friends with his first wife and I think one is still in touch with her on a regular basis. She might not come, but there are several others. I just hope they won't be catty or anything. I'd much rather invite just my friends, but I'm thinking if I at least make an attempt to invite them to this, they might give it a chance. And I'm hoping that R will see, too, that I'm not just at those dinners to show off for him, but have actual conversations and eventually maybe relationships with the other wives. I'm thinking he will cut it out and see that.

They all smoke like chimneys, drink martini's and gossip - so maybe they will come out of sheer curiosity, if nothing else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 8:17pm
Exactly! They only know me as R's younger new wife with the big boobs who lives on the beach with him. I'm so much more than that. My friends know that though. These other gals need to know that too.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 1:07am
That depends. Did these women know his first wife? It might benefit you to hear HER side of their marital history for balance since there are always two sides to every story!

Have any of their husband's seen you topless? Are you willing to possibly hear criticism about your hubby and his ideas?

It sounds as if they may have already been discussing how he treats you and at least one of them seems to agree with the consensus of the members on your original thread.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 7:48am
Interesting.

I'll throw my 2cents worth in...

I don't know much about Mary Kay cosmetics and I certainly don't know much about the other women. I have been involved in (more than likely) similar social circles before and I do know that often rich, bored, snobby wives love nothing more than to gossip and bitch about one another and especially about 'new young wives with big breasts'. They may not think very much of cosmetic parties and Mary Kay either.

I think that it would be good to meet them and to talk to them in a more relaxed and natural (whatever that is) situation than at business dinners; but it could also be disheartening to find them bitching and sniping at you. It sounds good to let them get to know you but they may not be that interested in getting to know the real you.

Having said that, they may love to come to a little ol' cosmetic party to break the boredom. You know the old saying, curiosity killed the cat?

Stay relaxed and if it doesn't go well just remember that their opinion didn't matter before and shouldn't afterwards.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 8:26am
I have to agree with Westridge. If these women are "first wives", meaning older women, regardless of your husband's or your reputation, older wealthy women aren't going to be interested in a "Mary Kay makeover". They're probably also not very interested in socializing with you, particularly if they, and/or their husbands have been around for one of your "show and tell" sessions.

If they're younger, second "trophy wives" like you, they might show up, but I wouldn't count on it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 9:54am
Dressing however you wish is your business, Tiana. It's a free country and if someone makes a face or remark, that's their problem. However, if any of these wive's husbands were one of the recipients of anything more than that, then that is disrespect to their wives, and I can see why they may not want to befriend you. If it were me, and MY GUT was telling me that you were not comfortable about something, I would probably approach you, befriend you, and try and get you to talk about it...because as I stated, abuse can often be ignored, minimized, excused and whatnot by the victim. Although, much more severe, this occurs often with women who are beaten. They make excuses for his behavior because they love them and feel loved...while others on the outside have to sit back and watch it. There's nothing anyone can do to help them, because if THEY themselves don't press charges or get out, nobody can do it for them. They have to decide when enough is enough. You're your own judge and jury.

Anyhow, wearing a revealing dress is not that big of a deal, but flashing other women's husbands is disrespectful to those women. It's a choice you make.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 1:04pm
Yes, they all knew R's first wife. And I know one, for sure, is very good friends with her. I'll invite her, but I know SHE won't come. Not sure if either of us would feel very comfortable with that. And NO! None of the wives or their husbands have seen me topless or naked or anything like that! Just that one associte from out of town. Thank goodness, he is out of state. I don't flash his associates.


.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 1:13pm
I thought about just inviting them over for lunch or cocktails, but I need something more to throw the emphasis on my "trying to fit in or get to know them approach", you know? So while a cosmetic party probably isn't something they do all the time, it's an ice breaker and my friend has been selling it for years and she's very fun and entertaining. She sells A LOT of that stuff - she even has me using it.

I was telling R about it last night and he was surprised. He also told me not to be disappointed and that he didn't want them saying anything mean or catty to me. I told him how I wanted to fit in more at the dinners and he agreed that if trying something like this would make me feel good, then do it. He just doesn't want them still at our house when he gets home from work that day - which they wouldn't be. He only likes one or two of them, the others, he thinks they are gossippy and witchy - with a "B".

I think they all need hobbies or something! They are that type to lunch at their clubs and play cards. That's fine and I like lunching with my girlfriends too, but not a weekly standing thing or anything.

I'm going to call one or two of them next week and see what is a good day for them and especially talk to the one lady (who likes me). I think she will be the one to get them to come.





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