I just discovered my BF's levitra
Find a Conversation
I just discovered my BF's levitra
| Thu, 01-12-2006 - 10:01am |
Hi everyone -
I am in a quandry. I just discovered my BF's levitra. We have been together for almost four years and I knew that something was going on, but I couldn't be sure until I found the bottles. The sex really has been much better since the prescriptions were filled. It's not that I don't love him and I think it is admirable of him to do this for me, but why did he hide it? Should I confront him,, or just keep pretending I don't know? Doesn't he know that I will love him no matter what? How would you handle this situation? If he can't trust me with this, can he trust me with anything?
I am in a quandry. I just discovered my BF's levitra. We have been together for almost four years and I knew that something was going on, but I couldn't be sure until I found the bottles. The sex really has been much better since the prescriptions were filled. It's not that I don't love him and I think it is admirable of him to do this for me, but why did he hide it? Should I confront him,, or just keep pretending I don't know? Doesn't he know that I will love him no matter what? How would you handle this situation? If he can't trust me with this, can he trust me with anything?

Pages
"It's not that I don't love him and I think it is admirable of him to do this for me, but why did he hide it? "
Because performance issues are deeply humiliating for a guy. No matter how many times you tell him it doesn't matter if there are issues, he won't completely believe you.
"Should I confront him,, or just keep pretending I don't know?"
If you want to humiliate him and make the situation worse, then confront him.
"Doesn't he know that I will love him no matter what?"
If you confront him on this you will send the opposite message.
"If he can't trust me with this, can he trust me with anything?"
It's not a question of trust. Sexuality is a deep and personal identifier, loss of performance function is deeply devastating to a guy, probably a comparison would be a woman losing a breast to cancer, breasts are a similiar sexual identifier.
There are too many stories of women either leaving a man or having an affair because of performance issues. No matter how reassuring you are he won't completely believe you because of this.
If ignore this, and continue in a loving sexual relationship, he may not need the Levitra as much as time goes by. His performance may get better.
How old is he, by the way? It's now believed that impotancy is one of the first signs of clogged arteries. A low fat diet with lots of fiber may help in the long run.
Is he on other mmedication that could be causing this condition?
dablacksox
Cynic: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.---Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary.
If I were you, I would tell him I found it. He should have known that you would eventually anyway. But were you snooping through his things or did you find it by accident?
And he hid it, obviously, because he's ashamed that he needs it. No reason though. Men of any age can have erectile problems. Tell him, reassure him and move on.
I have to disagree. Typically, a woman who has had a mastectomy is encouraged to reveal her scar to her partner as soon as she feels comfortable. She isn't encouraged to continue hiding it. And whatsmore, a woman can still have satisfying sex without breasts at all!
Keeping secrets from your partner, especially when it affects your partner in such an intimate way, is never a good idea. This is THEIR sex life, not just his. Her reassurance and encouragement is needed so that he can be open about whatever may be causing his problem.
"I have to disagree. Typically, a woman who has had a mastectomy is encouraged to reveal her scar to her partner as soon as she feels comfortable. She isn't encouraged to continue hiding it. And whatsmore, a woman can still have satisfying sex without breasts at all!"
yes-my point is that breasts can be a sexual identifier for a woman and the loss of them can meke her feel less of a woman.
"Her reassurance and encouragement is needed so that he can be open about whatever may be causing his problem."
I would have to think that ih he were confident in her reassurance and encouragement he wouldn't be hiding this.
Confronting him will make it worse, and further destroy his self-esteem. I wouldn't confront him.
dablacksox
Cynic: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.---Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary.
<<>>
This sounds too much like you were looking for 'it' weather it was really hidden or not, to me this would feel like you were checking up on me and did not trust me to begin with, making the psy part of it worse, not better.
As for the medical part, it could be an early sign of a bigger problem ie heart. What kind of shape is he in, and what is his diet like. This could be a bad sign of things to come or that things are already here, but here is the good news. If it is checked and treated early it is no problem. Think about it 'a bonner' is a set of valves closing off to make a 'tube of blood' per say, and if there is a problem with blood pressure, or cholesterol that can have a big effect on sex, not to mention stroke, heart attack, death, etc. Women are expected to go to a doctor, ie a ob/gyn at least once a year for a well woman check up, but us men get off easy, just when we have a cold/flu and at then that is usually the only thing the doctor looks at is the broken bone, runny nose what-ever. We need a check up every so often too, but sadly do not get it.
Sorry to vent so much on this one.
I again would not address this problem directly, but knowing what I know I strongly suggest you forget you ever saw the pills and enjoy the better sex. Sometimes a good dentist will look for overall health and suggest he/she does a follow up with a MD. Try to be more active with him out side of the bed-room, eat better, hey it is near the new year, softly suggest you want both of you to get in better over all shape/health, which might start with a quick phycial or just a few long walks that instead of a slow stroll is a little faster for about 45 minutes or so. Perhaps watch him (with a dreamy look in your eyes like when you were first dating) and check on his breathing real heavy slow down, then build up.
Check out www.webmd.com it will tell you when to set an apt and when to go to the ER, or just watch it -- to a point. Let common sense prevail! Perhaps I am wrong on this one, and it is a mental scar like an abuse as a kid he does not want to talk about YET. I stongly feel it is in the relationships best interst to softly suggest, indirectly, AND gently on this one!
Sorry, but unless men take responsibility for the management of their own health and wellbeing, then they will continue to die sooner than women. That's the only thing women do that many men don't.....take the initiative to get that annual exam and the followups and not leave their health to chance.
Protecting the fragile male ego is just not a good enough reason not to address a potential health or sexual problem either. At some point, a man has to become responsible and mature enough to do that AND share his issues with the woman he loves.
Always easy? Of course not, but then who says it is for women either?
Edited 1/12/2006 4:51 pm ET by katmandoo2001
You completely missed my point. A woman is encouraged to reveal her scars to her partner to start the emotional healing process. Hiding them only builds emotional walls making her feel ashamed.
No man wants to deal with erectile dysfunction, obviously, but hiding it from your partner will only make it feel more shameful to him creating a vicious cycle. People need to know that their partner will be there for the long haul and when the going gets rough. How can a man know that if he hides something like this from his partner?
And you either trust your partner enough to be honest about your problems or you don't. I think it says more about the state of a relationship when secrets like this are kept.
I would be devastated if my DH couldn't talk with me, his best friend, about any problem but especially one that affects me as well! And it would hurt because it would tell me that he doesn't trust me enough to handle it and support him.
Edited 1/12/2006 5:50 pm ET by katmandoo2001
I'm curious how you happened to "find" it, if he was hiding it from you. And if you're worried about trust, how will you explain that, and what will that do to his trust in YOU?
I really think "performance" is so closely tied to "masculinity" in most men's minds, that even though I agree that he should have told you, I can understand why he didn't.
The problem with "finding" things that you wish you hadn't found is that you have to confess to the fact you were looking, unless they were in plain view.
Also, I don't like the word "confront".....which means a "hostile" discussion, and why be hostile about it. If you need to get it out in the open, try being understanding, not confrontational. This isn't about you, no harm has been done to you. Handled in the wrong way, it CAN do mental harm to him.
I recently just got a sample pack and prescription. I too, have it stashed away and cannot bring myself to talk about it. I had a complete physical and was given a go-ahead to try it.
Why can't i talk about it? It goes to the very core of my sexual self-esteem and it was quite damaging just to think about, much less TALk about.
I suppose in the future, if I happen to have health considerations in taking the drug I would bring it out in the open, but since it's safe for me to take now I keep it to myself.
Pages