I know I should but.........
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| Sat, 07-17-2004 - 2:09pm |
I slept with my partner once before, about a year ago,(we do not live in the same state) and now we are planning another romantic getaway together. Everything is fine, I got tested, but I know that I should ask him, just to put my mind at ease.
I really do not think he has it, but then again, I bet a bunch of people who do have it, never thought they'd get it.
It has been my experience, that as serious as this issue is, most men get offended. Only one guy I asked, showed me his papers saying he was negative. Others were offended, like I assumed they were dirty. Have you ever got this response? Why? I do not know. You are only trying to protect yourself.
I want to ask my current partner, but for some reason, I think it is going to be met with resistance. I do know. I tried to ask him, by telling him I got tested and everything is fine. He just answered "of course your fine!!!" assuming only gay people and drug addicts get it. And then the conversation changed, and I have not had the balls to bring it up ever since.
How have you guys done it? What are your experiences? I read a shocking statistic somewhere that some 80% of heterosexual couples do not get tested for it.

If he poo poos it, then consider that he has been lax in previous relationships too so you are then MORE AT RISK HERE. In addition, he does not care for YOU, just the quick, no waiting, easy sex.
If he is happy about it, and applauds your carefulness, you got a great guy here who was maybe also careful in his previous relationships. So less chance he ignorantly picked up an STD.
Remember, there are many STD's that are miserable that you need to talk to him about like Herpes and Claymydia, not just AIDs. A bad case of herpes can ruin your life. My girlfriend made that mistake with a man who did not tell her and now she has herpes outbreaks every month. This has ruined her life. So do not make that mistake.
If he's that ignorant that he thinks only gays and drug users can get HIV, then he's probably had unprotected sex with other women, and he could have anything. Unfortunately, most of the STD's don't have any apparent symptoms for men. They just carry it and spread it. HIV is another story. You can have that for years and never know it until it becomes full blown AIDS. The ONLY way to know is to be tested.
Sorry, but if he gets upset, then it's his problem. You SHOULD have told him to get tested when you told him that you had done it. I would DEFINITELY not have unprotected sex with him until he was tested. If he out and out refuses, for ME that would be the end of the relationship.
The odds of him having anything are small......but if he's the one in 100 (or whatever the numbers are) that does have it, then you're taking a big risk. When you tell him, how you tell him, will NOT be easy, but it will be easier than finding out some day that you're HIV positive.
When DH and I got tested, I worded it something like this:
"Hey, I hate condoms.