I know I should but.........

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
I know I should but.........
6
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 2:09pm
How do you guys broach the subject of asking your partner to get tested for HIV? I know that I should, but in the past, I haven't asked.

I slept with my partner once before, about a year ago,(we do not live in the same state) and now we are planning another romantic getaway together. Everything is fine, I got tested, but I know that I should ask him, just to put my mind at ease.

I really do not think he has it, but then again, I bet a bunch of people who do have it, never thought they'd get it.

It has been my experience, that as serious as this issue is, most men get offended. Only one guy I asked, showed me his papers saying he was negative. Others were offended, like I assumed they were dirty. Have you ever got this response? Why? I do not know. You are only trying to protect yourself.

I want to ask my current partner, but for some reason, I think it is going to be met with resistance. I do know. I tried to ask him, by telling him I got tested and everything is fine. He just answered "of course your fine!!!" assuming only gay people and drug addicts get it. And then the conversation changed, and I have not had the balls to bring it up ever since.

How have you guys done it? What are your experiences? I read a shocking statistic somewhere that some 80% of heterosexual couples do not get tested for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 2:19pm
Any guy who is SMART will be happy you asked and even happier if you insist that you both get tested. Ignorant, stupid, pushy, lazy guys will be the only ones that complain about it since they do not know how prevalent AIDS and other STD's actually are. If you have unprotected sex with these types of guys this would raise your odds of getting something purely because of thier ignorance and stubbornness. So do not let "one guy's stubornness" result in your getting an STD. Both get tested, always, before having sex, or at the very least use condoms each and every time. Good Luck and hold firm here. No sex unless tested. No sex unless tested and monogomous, no sex unless condoms.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 3:41pm
I agree with Krazycat, no test, no proof, no sex.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 5:30pm
You can use this question about getting tested as a gauge. Observe how the man responds to the subject. See how smart he is and how caring for your and his health.

If he poo poos it, then consider that he has been lax in previous relationships too so you are then MORE AT RISK HERE. In addition, he does not care for YOU, just the quick, no waiting, easy sex.

If he is happy about it, and applauds your carefulness, you got a great guy here who was maybe also careful in his previous relationships. So less chance he ignorantly picked up an STD.

Remember, there are many STD's that are miserable that you need to talk to him about like Herpes and Claymydia, not just AIDs. A bad case of herpes can ruin your life. My girlfriend made that mistake with a man who did not tell her and now she has herpes outbreaks every month. This has ruined her life. So do not make that mistake.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 5:33pm
Which do you fear more? Talking to him about it, or getting an STD? Have you already had unprotected sex with him? If so, then you've already taken a big risk. Also, there are other STD's that condoms can't protect you from. The thing is that you can have sex with someone who is HIV positive, and you MIGHT not get it, but if you continue having sex, the odds are, you'll eventually get it from him. The odds are NOT in your favor.

If he's that ignorant that he thinks only gays and drug users can get HIV, then he's probably had unprotected sex with other women, and he could have anything. Unfortunately, most of the STD's don't have any apparent symptoms for men. They just carry it and spread it. HIV is another story. You can have that for years and never know it until it becomes full blown AIDS. The ONLY way to know is to be tested.

Sorry, but if he gets upset, then it's his problem. You SHOULD have told him to get tested when you told him that you had done it. I would DEFINITELY not have unprotected sex with him until he was tested. If he out and out refuses, for ME that would be the end of the relationship.

The odds of him having anything are small......but if he's the one in 100 (or whatever the numbers are) that does have it, then you're taking a big risk. When you tell him, how you tell him, will NOT be easy, but it will be easier than finding out some day that you're HIV positive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 6:32pm

When DH and I got tested, I worded it something like this:


"Hey, I hate condoms.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Sun, 07-18-2004 - 10:33pm
I agree with Yasmin. The offer of both of you doing it together is the way to go. Besides, unless you're a virgin, you don't know if you've got something either. Since the majority of our genitals are hidden, it's easy for women to be infected and not know it. Many STDs are 'silent' ones.