I need advice
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I need advice
| Tue, 11-09-2004 - 11:10pm |
Okay I will start with a little background inofrmation I am a 24 year old single mother who hasn't been in a relationship for about 5 years because I was so hurt by my daughter's father. This guy I have been talking to for a year now hasn't been in a relationship for 2 years because he has been hurt also by previous relationships. Well like I said this guy and I have been talking for about a year now. Well just in the past 3 months we have been out on dates which has been nice. In the past week we have been messing around and things have kind of gotten a little hot and heavy. Well two days ago things we heating up and we were about to have s** when he stopped and said we needed to talk. He said that he didn't want to lead me on and if we had s** he didn't want me to think that we were in a relationship because he doesn't want that right now. He said that I deserve better than him and that he cares about me. He said that he is phyically attracted to me but would rather not get into a relationship with me and loss me as a friend. He would rather remain my friend and see me happy with someone else than us get together and him and I never speak again. What would you guys think? Does he care for me or do you think he has someone else he would rather be with?

Past hurt has nothing to do with it. Every human being that's ever been in a relationship has been hurt....and we all get over it.
I hate to keep using the line, but it's just so true: He's just NOT that into you. He likes you, he wants sex, and no commitment.....that is a FWB, and you'll be the loser. If you want a relationship, find someone else because he told you he doesn't want a relationship or a commitment....at least not with you.
Bearing in mind that you are a mom, I would suggest that you be very careful with whom you date. You see, kids don't date...they attach. And if a man who only wanted to be a casual sex partner became a part of your life, it would devestate your daughter when he moved on.
Save your emotions and passions for a man that is 100% emotionally available.
Ya know, sometimes its just simply a-okay to take something like this positively and leave it at that. Its obvious to some out there that he simply doesn't share kind of interest in you right now, whether he does with someone else or not.
YET, its obvious to of us that he DOES share that romantic interest in you now but is too much of a gentleman and has just too much respect for you to just use you for his own needs without that pressure of commitment that he's obviously unsure about having right now.
These situations, with the info you've provided so far that is, can really be either way.
My PERSONAL take on what you've described so far is that it really sounds familiar to what I told Lady Para, now Mrs. Para. I too was simply not ready for romantic involvement for the looooongest time and told her that I simply respect her a bit too much to just get my needs out of it and yet still be just friends (plus religious beliefs, but thats another story).
I think you should really look closer at your blessing here and recognize that you taken advantage of like many ladies out there STILL are, even at the older ages. He was a gent and prevented from taking advantage of you, AND it sounds like he really does want to be friends. There may be another lady out there that ISN'T looking for a relationship that has the same needs he has, so someone like that be what he's looking for because there's no 'long-term' attachment. I'm just guessing, cause who really knows but him.
You really like each other, but wouldn't settle for hanging the hat on HIS hat-hanger till he IS that interested. Don't put yourself through more than you need to, respect his wish to remain friends. He said to move on if you have another interest, so respect his words of friendship. If you're still available and he to be ready for long-term commitment, great!
Just my thoughts...free. ;)
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R
I had a (as someone else put it) friend with benefit. I am now married to him. I wasn't loking for a relationship either.
You basically have 3 choices:
Be his platonic friend.
Be a friend with a benefit and don't count on getting a relationship. if it happens it happens. You haven't stated that you were looking for a relationship.
Cut all ties and move on.
In any of these I do recomend that you don't involve your child in this.
He's already dealing with the results of his past, with the child and the other responsibilities too. Sometimes we men DO want more out of a relationship, but are too afraid of not being able to own up to the pressure and responsibility that may come with it.
Perhaps he feels that if you and he DID cement the relationship more and more, then he wouldn't be of being what HE would like to be for you compared to others out there. We're men, darn us!, lol, we have our funky thinking ways, right? ;D
Keep us posted.
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R