I need advice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2014
I need advice...
3
Wed, 04-09-2014 - 6:30pm

    I have identified as mostly straight for the majority of my life.  I have fallen in love with two girls in my life, but due to my skittish nature nothing ever became of those feelings.  About a year ago I realized I was asexual, and to be honest I was relieved.  For those of you who don't know, for me asexual means that I do not want nor enjoy sexual contact.  Kissing and such is fine but no more.  Here is where the problem arises; I'm a bit bi in my romantic orientation.  I find guys 'hot' and have crushes on them very easy, but with girls I can admire their beauty but it takes allot of history  and time for me to fall in love.   This is simply confusing for me.  It seems easier from a theoretical point of view for me to be in a relationship with a girl than with a guy because I have trust issues with men.  But I don't know what the difference in attraction for me between men and women means.  I am utterly lost.  I guess what I'm trying to ask is if anyone knows what all of this means, because I sure as heck don't...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 04-10-2014 - 12:07pm

I don't think you can be "mostly" straight.........you're straight, or you're not.  You mention "trust issues" with men.......so naturally you're afraid to be involved with a man.  It's too bad that you've never developed a "filter" to be able to tell the difference between a man you can trust, and one you can't trust.  That comes with experience.  You're assuming there are no men that are trustworthy, and of course that's far from true.  If you're afraid of men, you will gravitate toward women, of course.  You're not "asexual" either......you're confused, and you fear relationships.......you don't want one with a man, because of mistrust, and you don't want one with a woman because that's out of your comfort zone.  Just as an aside........there are plenty of women who are not trustworthy too.  If you continue to live your life out of fear, then you'll never figure out what or who you are.  You can either take a chance with a man who will probably be trustworthy, or you can take a chance with a woman, and see how that works out for you.  OR, you can find a good therapist who can help you with your fear issues, which probably come from childhood abuse or trauma.  That's probably the best thing you can do.........because your confusion (and fear) comes from something buried deep inside of you......and you need help resolving it.  Good Luck to you.......get help and find out how wonderful life can be for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2010
Wed, 04-16-2014 - 8:49am

I don't think it necessarily means anything that you are asexual and also attracted to both men and women but in different ways. Some of us have more simple and straightforward sexuality and romance interests and others are more complicated. I doubt anyone knows why, really. But unless any of it causes you distress, I'd just accept and enjoy. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2013
Sun, 04-20-2014 - 9:45am

If you ask for my 2cents...You are just confused,may be you had a few bad experiences with guys.Just shake it off and find your perfect guy and don't look for alternate ways.

Aimee:http://Secretorgasms.com

I write about the Pleasures of female orgasms in my blog http://Secretorgasms.com