I NEED ADVISE

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2007
I NEED ADVISE
4
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 2:54pm
I HAVE BEEN WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR ABOUT 2 YEARS WE HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY BUT WE HAVE ALWAYS HAD PROBLES. WE HAVE NEVER HAD A PLACE OF OUR OWN. I JUST TO SATAY WITH MY MOTHER WHEN I WAS PREGNANT AND STILL DO. WELL HE HAS ALWAY TREAT ME BAD EVEN WHEN I WAS PREGNANT HE JUST TO TELL ME THAT MY SON WASN'T HIS THAT I WAS A B.... AND CALLED ME ALL THIS BAD THING HE ALSO PUT HIS HAND ON MORE THAN ONCES. WE STOP TALKING FOR ABOUT 2 MONTHS. WELL NOW HE WANTS TO BE CAME IN MY SON'S LIFE HE WANT TO GET A APARTMENT WITH ME' HE HAS PROMISE ME THAT HE IS GOING TO CHANGE TO PLEASE GIVE HEM ONE MORE. THAT HIS NEVER GOING TO TREAT ME OR MY SON MAD. I WANT TO GIVE HEM A CHANGE BUT AM SCARED THAT HIS NOT GOING TO CHANGE. HE HAS A JOB AND IS TRING TO GET A 2 ONE SO THAT WE CAN HAVE YOUR PLACE BY JULY.WHAT SOULD I DO???
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
In reply to: sweethmommy
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 3:30pm

Unless he's gone to counselling to learn how to treat a wife and child, then you should stay right where you are. What he is doing is physical and mental abuse. Abusers don't stop, and when he has you alone in an apartment, it will get worse.

He has shown you how he treats you, he's insulted you, he's claimed the baby isn't his, and he will continue the same behavior. Does he support the baby? If not, why not?

This guy isn't a boyfriend, he's a user and an abuser, and you need to get rid of him, and find someone who will treat you decently. Don't say you love him, because you can't love someone who abuses you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
In reply to: sweethmommy
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 3:44pm

Why would you even consider being in a relationship with a guy that treats you like this and put your child in an abusive situation?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2007
In reply to: sweethmommy
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 4:08pm
I KNOW I CAN'T LOVE SOMEONE THAT TREATS ME BAD BUT I DO. HE IS MY FIRST LOVE AND THE FATHER OF MY SON BUT I HAVE LOST ALOT OF RECPECT FOR HEM AND LOVE TOO. I KNOW HE LOVES MY SON WHEN EVER HIS WITH HEM SO DOEN'T STOP PLAYING WITH HEM, KISSING HEM AND TALKING TO HEM. I KONW HE REGRETS DOING WHAT HE DID BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY THING BETTER. I HAVE TALK TO HEM ABOUT IT AND HE AGREES HE UNDERSTAND WHAT I FILL THAT HIS VERY SORRY FOR WHAT HE DID AND THAT THE ONLY THING HE WANT IS TO SPEND TIME WITH ME AND HIS SON TO PLEASE GIVE HEM ANOTHER CHANGE "THE LAST ONE".HE HAS ALSO ASK ME TO GO TO COULSING WITH HEM TO MAKE THINGS BETTER.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: sweethmommy
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 5:36pm

Welcome to the board sweethmommy.

I would be very wary of moving in with him. If he really wants a relationship with you and your son, and he really is interested in changing his behavior, then the two of you can go to counseling prior to moving back in together. Once he has you in that apartment, it will be much more difficult for you to get away if things do go bad. Take time to date each other and feel confident in your choice prior to moving in. If it's a good relationship, it will be able to withstand waiting for the right time to live together.

Meanwhile, you will discover whether he is able to address his behavior, or if you need to move in a different direction.



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