I NEED cunnilingus! Your thoughts...
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| Tue, 07-26-2005 - 12:25am |
I was browsing around the other boards and in one discussion a woman made a comment about how she needed that kind of stimulation to really enjoy sex. She indicated that had an orgasm from oral much more often than she did from straight intercourse. The comment was made because her b/f wasn't too interested in going down.
It got me thinking - always a dangerous thing.
What if a guy had made a comment like this? I'm not really trying to turn this into a men vs. women thing. But most of the advice around here for guys in that situation (that want but aren't getting oral) leans towards "talk first, but there is other stuff that you can do".
While for women (that need it but aren't getting it) the advice leans towards "talk first, but cut him off if he doesn't do it for you"
Is this a double standard? Or is it just acknowledging a difference between males and females?
Edited 7/26/2005 12:26 am ET ET by westridge2001

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**On reading your post title, my first thought was that you'd had a sex change LOL**
On to the subject. I will be the first to admit that there are exceptions to every generalisation. With that said, here comes a generalisation made from being on a few different iVillage boards:
I frequently read that a man who doesn't give cunnilingus is considered selfish in bed. Women are told to not put up with this treatment. Where as a women who doesn't like to give fellatio is told that her partner should not push her to do anything she feels uncomfortable with.
Here's another frequent one I see: It seems OK for a woman can gripe about her man reaching orgasm too quickly (even at around the average 5 minute mark). But heaven forbid that a man should criticise his partner for taking too long. He's deemed as pushy and insensitive. Not many women are told that their *premature ejaculating* husband is quite normal and that she should be looking at other alternatives, such as longer foreplay. Again, I can think of posters who are exceptions to this generalisation.
Regarding the difference between males and females, I believe that this trend is because of iVillage's posters being mainly female. And there is a definately an amount of political correctness that one is expected to adhere to. In some cases I agree with the PC ideals and in others I don't. However, I'm not prone to being PC when I don't agree with the sentiment.
Edited 7/26/2005 5:30 am ET ET by iv_aisha2004
Your title scared me too Westie.
I don't think it's entirely a double standard ( though you do have a point).
Why?
Nearly all guys can get off from intercourse. Oral is indeed a special treat.
Many women ( 70% they say - I think that's too pessimistic) don't orgasm from intercourse whereas I think the majority can orgasm from oral if it's done right.
I have another take on it, though.
I don't think fellatio and cunnilingus are equivalent. I think it's much harder for a woman to take a 6" object into her mouth (try sucking on a banana sometime) and then cope with it squirting out a blob of goo.
One area where I think there IS a double standard is how there are endless threads about men's penis size, but you seldom hear any mention of how big women are "down there". I've read men's boards where this does come up and there is definitely a considerable variation.
taoist
Well, I have personally advised men to "cut off" their women if selfishness or laziness seemed to be the issue. LOL! That's right, I have! But let's face it, human beings CAN get lazy and selfish at times and it never hurts to bring one's attention to it when necessary. In a generally good relationship, that "notice" will be taken positively and in the manner it was intended.
In a perfect world, good communication and a willingness to compromise ALWAYS resolves problems, but unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world.
And the advise to "cut someone off" is suggested as a last ultimatum to a stalemate. Not the most pleasant way to get communication going again, but then, ultimatum's rarely are.
Cunnilingus is very important to me personally, but I could live without it if I had to. And since my DH feels the same way about fellatio, it's never been an issue for either of us so we've never personally faced that conflict. However, both of us love giving pleasure to the other, too.
But, IF oral was the only way that either of us could be fulfilled, then I think it would take the importance of the act to another level.
Edited 7/26/2005 12:08 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
Definitely agree with you there Taoist. And there are some men out there with "entitlement" issues believing that women should provide the pleasure while not expecting anything, other than intercourse, in return. We've seen such posts on this board recently where women are twisting themselves into pretzels and jumping through hoops to please while receiving nothing in return.
Thankfully, however, it seems that most men, at least the ones on THIS board, are compassionate and generous lovers who enjoy giving as well as receiving!
Edited 7/26/2005 12:13 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
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This one kind of cracked me up...The thought of a guy being to abstain to punish is a laugh riot -- no guy can do that if she really wants him bad enough.
I am a HL DH who would spend all night down on my DW, but she is body fluid averse so I rarely get to go down on her. But when I do....its an EVENT!!!!
She obviously abhors giving me oral and that is OK with me as I don't want her to do anything she does not want to do.
I cannot even comprehend why a guy would not want to go down on their lady, so I cannot answer that question. However, physiologically, it has been proven that the scent from a lady's genital arouses a man, whereas the scent from a man does nothing for a lady. So therefore, there really is no scientific reason why a female would enjoy giving head unless it was the joy of pleasing her partner since she gets nothing physioligically out of it.
Also, women's juices stay consistent during the act and only change in volume, not in taste. From my understanding, men's taste varies greatly and women have to endure pre-cum, lots of saliva, and then the big explosion. Plus I have to admit guys aren't the best at hygiene, so I would imagine if its not right after a shower it could be pretty bad.
And, going down on a lady is much more comfortable than vie versa. I would imagine all that head bobbing would make one dizzy after a while...
I also believe the poster who said Men always get off from intercourse and only a few women is right as well. One thing that is guaranteed from IC is the man WILL cum. So I think its only fair that he do something (manual, oral) to make sure she gets the big O as well. Yeah, some women say not climaxing is OK, but I think that is rare.
I also believe since testosterone is the hormone that drives libido, women can go longer and cut him off whereas a man cannot resist it.
Bill, you're assuming that the male always has the higher drive though....not so. I have the higher drive in my marriage and it would be easier for my DH to postpone sex if he chose to, than for me.
And I've heard from many female friends over the years as well as on this board....that I'm not the ONLY one! LOL!
Thankfully, like you though, my DH enjoys cunnilingus.
Edited 7/26/2005 4:26 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
I'm with you Kat...I have never met a man who matched my drive. Men may have 10 times more testosterone, but women are more sensitive(and therefore it takes less for us to react) to the amount that they do have. I'm 47 and still going strong. tee hee DH is just starting to slow up a little(he just turned 50)....but I manage to get his engine going anyhow. ;-) Oh, the challenges we face. tee hee
Edited 7/26/2005 4:49 pm ET ET by rain_dancer_iam
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