I NEED cunnilingus! Your thoughts...

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Registered: 10-18-2001
I NEED cunnilingus! Your thoughts...
49
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 12:25am

I was browsing around the other boards and in one discussion a woman made a comment about how she needed that kind of stimulation to really enjoy sex. She indicated that had an orgasm from oral much more often than she did from straight intercourse. The comment was made because her b/f wasn't too interested in going down.

It got me thinking - always a dangerous thing.

What if a guy had made a comment like this? I'm not really trying to turn this into a men vs. women thing. But most of the advice around here for guys in that situation (that want but aren't getting oral) leans towards "talk first, but there is other stuff that you can do".

While for women (that need it but aren't getting it) the advice leans towards "talk first, but cut him off if he doesn't do it for you"

Is this a double standard? Or is it just acknowledging a difference between males and females?




Edited 7/26/2005 12:26 am ET ET by westridge2001
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Registered: 11-26-2004
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 5:08pm
I personally believe that no one should be pressured or forced to do what they don't feel comfortable doing. No double standard here. Luckily, DH and I both enjoy giving. ;-)
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
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Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 5:23pm

Too many assumptions here Bill.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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Registered: 11-26-2004
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 5:55pm

"There might not be any *scientific proof* why a woman would enjoy giving oral besides her enjoying pleasuring the guy, but I get a lot of physical pleasure from giving. If I'm not quite in a sexual mood or I can't get physically aroused, going down on Dh will do it to me every time. "

Ditto for me Tish. It's amazing how giving him oral(and even manual) makes my body react. Sometimes, I use it to "push" me over the edge...that's just how powerful it is.

As far as a man not having any scent, that's hogwash. tee hee His testicles carry his scent and it's an aphrodisiac for me as well.

...enough scientific proof? ...they should just ask women... ;-)




Edited 7/26/2005 6:11 pm ET ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
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Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 6:04pm

Some interesting opinions. I can't fault any of them and argue a point so I'll just have to quietly agree for a change. ;-(

Personally, going back to my original post, I think that it IS a double-standard if a women is advised to "cut the guy off" if he doesn't reciprocate.

The problem seems to be when you try to decide how important oral is. Can she orgasm regularly through intercourse? If so, then oral for her is probably little different than it is for a guy - she'll be able to live without it if necessary. Double-standard applies if you give advice that is different from advice you'd give to a guy.

If she can't orgasm easily through intercourse and really needs oral, then it's like kat (was it kat?) said, it takes oral to another level. Cunnilingus can't really be compared to fellatio in the same way in that situation. Double-standard doesn't really apply. I still think that cutting a guy off is probably not the best way of dealing with it though. But I guess that sometimes you've got to walk softly and carry a big stick - hmmmm. Maybe that wasn't the best analogy to use...LOL

Hopefully this is something that can be worked out in most relationships. The solution may not be perfect but hopefully everyone involved will be able to reach some sort of compromise or understanding.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 6:21pm

I would only use cutting off as a last resort but if I had a guy that was selfish in any part of a relationship, it probably wouldn't have to go that far for him to be cut off from oral, he'd be cut off from my life.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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Registered: 11-26-2004
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 6:31pm

I agree with Tish. There's a big difference between a man who is not performing oral because he's selfish and another who has a true aversion. What kind of man would "cut" a woman off from one of the most pleasurable acts he can possibly provide for her? What kind of man would do this? If he's truly being selfish, then you can't get any more selfish than that, I would think. I would rethink my relationship with a man who is selfish.

And I agree with you...I don't think the way to "get him back" is to cut him off. I would think it would just make him angrier and more resentful. I personally wouldn't want a man to perform oral on me if I had to coerce or force him to...but that's just me. I just wouldn't get pleasure from it. Part of my pleasure is knowing that DH can't live without it. tee hee

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
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Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 6:51pm
Yes, it works for me.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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Registered: 02-26-2001
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 11:04pm

"We've seen such posts on this board recently where women are twisting themselves into pretzels and jumping through hoops to please while receiving nothing in return."

Avatar for katmandoo2001
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 1:00am

Actions always speak louder than words though. And when you've talked until you're blue in the face, and he's still "forgetting" to reciprocate, then nothing like a little "hair of the dog" to remind him how much he used to love to please you! LOL!

And I don't believe in throwing the baby out with the bathwater because an SO is a little selfish in some way, heck we all are occasionally.

I think marriage is the great equalizer! It's where you learn to care for someone else's needs as much as your own. And I don't believe that comes naturally, it must be learned as we mature.

And that's just my opinion.




Edited 7/27/2005 1:14 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
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Registered: 11-26-2004
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 11:54am

I don't agree Kat....I think that caring for someone's needs as equally as your own comes naturally as a part of loving someone. However, finding out exactly what those needs are IS a learning process.

...and I don't think that if you've talked to someone until they're blue in the face and and they still choose to ignore you, is just being "forgetful" or "a little selfish." Again, the key elements seem to be missing...the desire to please; the caring about someone else's needs as much as our own. There's a grave difference between an occasional selfish act and a completely selfish person. It just amazes me how a man who loves receiving oral and ranks it as a high important sexual act, would completely ignore the fact that his partner loves it too. So much so, that they forego it all together.

I just don't think that manipulating someone into performing an act is something that I would want to do. I wouldn't even "talk to them until they're blue in the face." I don't beg, period. ;-) I want all of the sex I get to be given freely and out of a desire to please, not out of pity or out of duty. I guess that makes me...uh...selfish. ;-)

Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )