I NEED cunnilingus! Your thoughts...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
I NEED cunnilingus! Your thoughts...
49
Tue, 07-26-2005 - 12:25am

I was browsing around the other boards and in one discussion a woman made a comment about how she needed that kind of stimulation to really enjoy sex. She indicated that had an orgasm from oral much more often than she did from straight intercourse. The comment was made because her b/f wasn't too interested in going down.

It got me thinking - always a dangerous thing.

What if a guy had made a comment like this? I'm not really trying to turn this into a men vs. women thing. But most of the advice around here for guys in that situation (that want but aren't getting oral) leans towards "talk first, but there is other stuff that you can do".

While for women (that need it but aren't getting it) the advice leans towards "talk first, but cut him off if he doesn't do it for you"

Is this a double standard? Or is it just acknowledging a difference between males and females?




Edited 7/26/2005 12:26 am ET ET by westridge2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 5:49am

Hey novice!

I also agree its not a double standard, but when it comes to the of what West was saying, then yes, I do believe it actually is...and that goes for both male AND female boards/discussions.

When it comes to comparing sexual needs vs. treats between men and women, I understand there may be too much variation/guessing to actually calculate. When it comes to it though, I still think that is more allowed or disallowed on certain boards ...

...whether it be related to sex or race or political or any situation. A seniors board will have more discussions and topics regarding complaints about the younger generation than vice versa, but it doesn't mean that complaints about don't exist. The NAACP boards will discuss more of whats wrong with White America's acceptance of Blacks than the other way around, obviously. Likewise, a female OR male sex board will obviously have more things to gripe about regarding the opposite gender than the other way around as well.

Its just part of the atmosphere that some seem to cherish more than others, by what we've witnessed anyway. I visit the male boards out there just as much as IVillage here whenever I actually get time, and although I do enjoy encouraging equal thinking/treatment no matter where I have time to visit, I realize that the standard of each individual board is there nonetheless and I just accept that reality of it, so long as I'm allowed my opinion along with it of course.

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 5:53am

>>I think it's much harder for a woman to take a 6" object into her mouth (try sucking on a banana sometime) and then cope with it squirting out a blob of goo.<<

So many fellatio discussions, on THIS board mind you, claim that 'engulfing' the penis and doing so until orgasm wasn't needed anyway, lol. So with that said, wouldn't the stimulation of a penis and a clitoris be just as easy after all?

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2005
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 4:03pm
I really feel oral sex has become mainstream, if either partner has a problem with it, really, get over it. Sorry to sound cold but honestly, what's the big deal?
And I am a woman who will not a date a guy who won't go down on me, I WOULD consider him selfish since I always give bj's. Oral is the only time I cum with a guy, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't care about that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 4:24pm

lady great point about a mans disconcern about your being satisfied...

Lets face it , there are selfish men out there who want what they want and the heck with her needs.
On the other hand there are also women who assume that IC is all a man needs to be satisfied, which isnt always true...It is probably a lot easier for her to have IC than to perform oral on a man..I mean it is called a blow-JOB..lol (accent on JOB)I think some women look at oral on a man as a job, one they would perfer not to do... "he always comes from IC so thats enough for him."
As for holding back sexual favors as blackmail to get what you want..Im wondering how a woman might react if all we men ever did was to massage their clit manually..I know some who would be quite upset with only that as foreplay and/or a sexual activity.
Common sense should rein here

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 5:53pm

>>Seems to be a matter of who the usual conversationalists are as opposed to what the equal treatment is IMO.<<

Hmmm. Yes. That undoubtedly has a big influence but I don't believe that it's necessarily a bad thing either. Just because it appears that there is some bias in one area of advice doesn't mean that it's preventing realistic solutions being found. And as you say, it adds to flavour of the board. Frankly I hadn't even thought about the advice being biased until something about the post that I saw got me thinking.

I still think that the advice is fine. By that I mean that the situation that I was talking about is a perfect world scenario with the man and woman equal in all things. That rarely happens in real life so the double-standard that I'm talking about is probably more hypothetical than real. A "what-if" question and a curiosity more than anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 5:58pm

>>So with that said, wouldn't the stimulation of a penis and a clitoris be just as easy after all?<<

Oral sex with some women that I have been with has been a real mission in several ways. Sometimes I think that giving head would have been easier than going down. Maybe I should try fellatio one day just to be able to compare and answer that question?!

Hang on! What we need is an opinion from someone that's bisexual!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 6:02pm

<< but a man does not need it for arousal>>


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2005
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 9:17pm

>We all have things we desire and things we actually need, so why shouldn't both partners have their desires filled and their needs filled. Just because something is not needed for arousal or orgasm, doesn't mean that person should be deprived of something he/she just desires for enjoyment.

But the original question was about need first then possibly desire or pure pleasure. And of course there are exceptions with men that you stated. There are exceptions with women too. But that is not majority. You can't allow for every exception. Speaking strictly of need and for the majority without every possible exception. The fact is that when a man has an erection he is ready for sex. And most men have erections very quickly, on their own, when presented with the opportunity or even the thought of the opportunity. So oral is not needed, it becomes desire for pure pleasure. The fact is that many many women need a lot of stimulation even when presented with the opportunity for sex, to become totally aroused, let alone have any chance of orgasm. The fact is that for many many women one of the best and quickest forms of arousal is oral sex. Throw out the highs and throw out the lows, what is left is that most women need as well as desire. And most men do not need, they just desire. Strictly speaking of need for arousal and need for the best or quickest way to orgasm. It is not about how much one or the other enjoys to give and receive pleasure. It is about different physical and emotional makeup.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 12:13pm

tee hee

I can't help it....I think the best aphrodisiac is enthusiasm. ;-)




Edited 7/29/2005 12:40 pm ET ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 12:29pm
I guess it comes down to "entitlement" Kat. As much as I would want oral sex, I would only want it performed on me if the giver WANTED to give it. I just wouldn't feel entitled to it, otherwise.
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )