I need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2006
I need help
9
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 8:12pm

Ok guys...

My husband and I have been together for 10 years but married for 6 years. We're trying to have a baby right now. However, I feel like we don't mesh well.

We're always had issues in the sex dept. I never wanted it and he did and vise versa. So..finally I think we're both on the same page. However, I feel like we can never really find the spot. (ya know what I mean) Is this normal? When we try to have sex, we usually get into an argument b/c neither of us know what the heck to do. We were both virgins when we got married, believe me I don't know a ton about this subject. Ugh..I'm just frustrated and feeling abnormal!

Sorry if I'm in the wrong place..just looking for advice from other women!

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
In reply to: mrscurtie
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 8:26pm

Hi and welcome mrscurtie.

Do you engage in lots of foreplay? It will relax your muscles and lubricate you. You should both check out www.the-clitoris.com for more information on how the female body works. Do you try different positions? You just need to practice until you find something that works for you. Don't stress over it. Just let it happen.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2006
In reply to: mrscurtie
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 8:47pm

Thanks for the website!

We do engage in a lot of foreplay to get the juices flowing. Different position, we've tried a few. For some reason, I feel like he can never find the right spot. I just wish I could relax!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
In reply to: mrscurtie
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 8:52pm
Well, that's the first thing... Try to relax... Concentrate more on pleasing each other, not worrying about making a baby...



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2006
In reply to: mrscurtie
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 8:56pm

Its not really even making a baby that bothers me. Honestly, I feel like we have NO idea what we're doing. I'm always thinking to myself, is he in the right place. He is POSITIVE, we've been in the right place. Me, I"m not so sure.

How do you really know you're in the right place?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: mrscurtie
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 9:14pm

Welcome to the board mrscurtie.

It sounds like you're worrying about a lot of things, and you have a goal ... but you're not making your goal clear here. Are you looking to have an orgasm? What do you mean by "the right place"?

It's pretty clear cut that his penis belongs in your vagina. There's not much room to go wrong there. When he ejaculates inside of you, you have the odds of pregnancy that you're looking for .... it doesn't matter "where" inside of your vagina, but most guys will try to penetrate or push deeply during penetration.

If you're wondering about the "right place" from a point of pleasure, you need to relax and learn to enjoy the sensations that you feel. Experiment with different positions and when you find one that you both enjoy, try it a few different times, or with slight variation until you feel that it works well for you. There are many books on sexual positions and sexual acts. The website nhgal gave you is a great place to start, but perhaps you should look for a book as well. Some books also come with instructional DVDs that might prove helpful. I have heard good reviews on ones from The Sinclair Institute.

I'm also including some links to articles here on iVillage. Once you know how your body responds to sexual stimulation, then you're in a better position to teach your DH what works for you as well. Hopefully, these articles will help to get you there.

Know Thyself: The Female Form 101
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexsolo/0,,traceycox_b6vtmjv3,00.html

5 Things That Can Ruin Your Sex Life (and how to avoid them)
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexconcerns/0,,traceycox_7slp2dh5,00.html

Sexual Positions. Fun site, wooden
http://www.sexualpositionsfree.com/casofchar.html

The first two articles are really just for you. The third item is a great website with wooden people placed in various sexual positions and written directions about the position.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
In reply to: mrscurtie
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 9:18pm
whew!
you must be suffering from something and trust me sex can be your stress buster. what u have to do is to be sure that the 2 of u are completely comfortable with your bodies, and around eachother. sex is a wonderful thang to be enjoyed. it's about going with flow. but rule number 1 in sex u cant be so technical. im sure since u are a virgin that u havent even explored urself right. girl, before a man can satisfy u then u need 2 learn what feels good for u. masturbate, aint a damn thing wrong with, and tell him to do the same. when doing the do try oral sex. getting ate out is the best feeling in the world. and dont be stingy, suck his dick (sorry for me bein so blatant). nothing is wrong with makin eachother feel good. tell ur hubby what u want from him, a lot of men like that. dont conform in the traditional boring missionary style. since u aint feeling the heat, get on top and ride him, and then let him bend u over and do the same. my words may seem so out there but i just want u to be sexually satisfied. if u follow my instructions, baby girl, you'll be hgavin mutiple orgasms
think about!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
In reply to: mrscurtie
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 9:25pm
Hi mrscurtie, and welcome to the board. Your post beats around the bush a little bit, but it sounds like when you and DH have intercourse it isn't as pleasurable as you'd like? Am I reading that right? It isn't at all unusual for women not to be able to orgasm from intercourse, without some kind of clitoral stimulation from fingers or toys to accompany it. The site that NHgal pointed you to (the-clitoris.com) is a wonderful resource with lots of great information.

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Edited 7/26/2007 9:25 pm ET by bostonsteve
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
In reply to: mrscurtie
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 11:32pm

Like the others, I'm not sure what you mean when you say he's not "finding the spot". You've also said you wish you could relax. If you're not relaxed, it won't matter what "spot" he finds.....because about 75% of sex is to be relaxed so that you can enjoy what you're feeling. Maybe the problem is that you're not sure what you're supposed to be feeling.....and if you're like 80% of women, when it comes to intercourse, you're not going to "feel" much of anything. There is virtually NO feeling inside the vagina, with the exception of the "g" spot. Women get most of their pleasure from foreplay....and aside from touching and kissing all over the body, "the spot" is your clitoris. That is where the pleasure originates for most women, even during intercourse. You can do it, he can do it or your position can do it.....but none of it will work if you're up tight, and/or worrying about why you're not enjoying it. You WILL enjoy it once you understand that it's ALL good if you just relax and allow it to be good. Read the website that everyone is telling you to.....www.the-clitoris.com There are pictures there, so you'll KNOW what the "spot" is, and also what he can do with it.

As for making babies, assuming that both of you are ok physically, getting pregnant doesn't depend on pleasure, it depends on his sperm getting to your fallopian tubes..and that can happen if he ejaculates inside you. It can happen even if he ejaculates outside of you. Making babies and finding pleasure in sex have nothing to do with each other.

Read the website, have HIM read it too....read it together. Practice what you learn, and RELAX......and you'll find out that you're both going to enjoy it a lot more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
In reply to: mrscurtie
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 9:02am

Lots of good advice here for you. Just so you do know (it may have been mentioned in other posts), most woman CANNOT orgasm with just i/c alone. I think steve mentioned that maunal stimulation of the clitoris is almost a must except in certain positions. or using a vibrator. Are you comfortable touching yourself while your DH is inside you? Try this, have him mount you doggy style (in your vagina), use lube on your finger and rub your clitoris while DH is doing you. If you read up on the websites listed you shouldn't have a problem stimulating yourself. Just remember that it usually takes a woman longer to orgasm than it does a man. If hubby doesn't last long enough then you will need lots more foreplay to allow you to orgasm with him.

Good luck and let us know how you are.