I need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2004
I need help
5
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 11:26pm

I am a 20 year old female. I was a virgin until last September. I've only been with one guy. My fiancee and I are having trouble. Rather I'm having touble going down on him. I think it's totally disgusting and nasty and it would never happen. But I can have and would go down on another girl. Or I would let him go down on me. I know it bothers him that I don't do it. I don't know how girls do it. Or how guys like it so much. I've seen it in porno's. I wouldn't do it for a million dollars. He's not dirrty or anything he takes as many showers as I do a day. it's just the thought of it makes me sick. I told him I would rather do anal first. But he won't even agree to that. He says he's not gay that ain't gonna happen. I'm curious.

Any advice please send immediately to Snake_Lover20042000@yahoo.com




Edited 1/10/2005 5:22 am ET ET by tupacfanforlife
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 11:48pm

Interesting! You can "go down" on a girl, but not on your fiance? Where is the difference? If there's anything about a man that disgusts you, why would you want to marry him?

Seems like you're both a little mixed up. Inform him that straight men do anal, and love anal. That doesn't make a man gay.

Not sure what kind of help you want.....you're not going to do it because it's disgusting, and he's not going to be happy because he's not getting it. You'd let him do it for you? I doubt that. Even though a sexual relationship isn't supposed to be based on reciprocation, usually, if guys don't get, they don't give, either.

I think you two aren't very sexually compatible, and maybe you should rethink your wedding plans.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 5:33am
thankz for your reply but sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship. I love making love with him. We are compatiable in many many other wayz. There's alot of difference in going on a girl than a guy. A guy it's like sucking a cucumber and I hate cucumbers'. Going down on a girl is like eating strawberry cheescake. For me it is. It's weird I don't understand it either. I want to marry him because I'm in love with him mind, body, spirit. I respect him and he respects me. He's a one of a kind. He'll do anything for me that I ask. most things he does out of kindness and respect. He's one in a million and I wouldn't take a zillion dollars to jeopardize our relationship. We talked about it tonight on im and I agreed to try it once. He said it doesn't matter weather I do or don't it don't matter to him. But I know it does. No it doesn't make a man gay but if they try it on another guy for what ever reason that makes them gay then there gay from there on out. I know I grew up around guys. I have no complaints about him doing it for me. He does it on his own. I don't even have to ask. You said if guys don't get it, they don't give either. Trust me not a guys are the same. Besides he's a man not one of these little boyz out here that only thinks about sex. Were sexually compatiable it's just I won't do that. I told him just about anything else I would try or do but not that. But then we agreed tonight that I would try it once.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 7:53am

Your and your boyfriend should sign on under different screen names, less confusing.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 9:42am

Where do you get your information?

"No it doesn't make a man gay but if they try it on another guy for what ever reason that makes them gay then there gay from there on out." HUH????

If that's true, then the same applies to women...and that makes you a lesbian!

You're right, there's a lot more to a relationship than sex, but unfortunately, if a guy likes something, and his partner tells him it's gross and disgusting, eventually he'll look for that elsewhere, if for no other reason than to convince himself that he's NOT gross and disgusting.

If you feel that it doesn't matter to him, then WHY did he post under your name, asking WHAT he can do about this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 9:49am

Dear TFFL,

Your question is interesting as is your view of oral sex. I think this may be an opportunity for you to get a glimpse of your inner world.

Your aversion to oral sex with your bf is purely based on fear. Human beings really only have two emotions, fear and love...everything else is an offshoot of those two emotions. Disgust or aversion is fear. It sounds to me like you have had oral sex with another woman so it is a "known" factor and therefore your are not afraid of it. It sounds like you have not had oral sex with a man and your perception is a bad one. Even the description that you use is negative for you "Like sucking on a cucumber...and I hate cucmbers". It could be like sucking on a popcicle, or a chocolate covered bannana or something that you like, but you chose something that you didn't like.

Not everyone likes every sexual act and as people we all have the right to not want to do something. For many, oral sex seems unclean because of the association that some have with genitals and their dual use, but for you that is not the case as you are willing, and in fact seem to enjoy oral sex with females or the idea of oral sex with females. I would ask yourself three questions:
1) Have I had a negative oral sex experience with a man (abuse, rape),?
2) Did I see something that created a negative feeling (mom and dad having oral; mother giving oral; sister...etc.etc.)
3) Am I attracted to men out of desire or out of obligation? Am I more attracted to women?

Good luck.
Scott.