I need some expirience here

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2006
I need some expirience here
9
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 6:48am
One simple question: how to know when I am sexually arouse? To be specific: when my boyfriend and I have sex, we start with foreplay, because he wants to satify me, get me closer to orgasm. when I think that I am ready for intercourse we bigin, but it seams like we are too early. Can somebody help me please.
Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 7:52am

If it seems too early then it probably is. I know I'm ready when I get the feeling that I just NEED him inside me and I can't wait any longer... of course he'll then sometimes tease me and make me wait longer lol. Most women need a LOT of foreplay to be ready for intercourse so if he moves to intercourse too soon, just ask him to keep up the foreplay a little longer because you're enjoying it so much. And sometimes you don't always have to have intercourse, sometimes he can make you orgasm just from foreplay or vice versa (making him orgasm just from foreplay)... there doesn't always have to be intercourse. If you don't get the feeling like you really want and are ready for him to be inside, stick to foreplay and don't have intercourse.

Also, most women don't orgasm from intercourse alone... so it's okay to get your orgasm in during foreplay most of the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2006
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 8:02am
Ok, thanks. My problem is that I think I feel that I need him inside, but it seams too always early. That is our problem. Sometimes I rush to do it, sometime we both do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 9:33am

There is no set "routine" for sex. If you both want intercourse, and you're relaxed and well lubricated, then have interecourse. If he has enough control over himself, that doesn't have to be "the end" of sex.

You can change back and forth from "foreplay" to "intercourse" as often as you want to. There are also different kinds of "sex". Sometimes, it's a "quickie"....and it's over. Other times, it can go on for hours, changing from one position to another, changing from oral sex to intercourse and back again.

If you feel it's too "early", then wait longer. We all do what feels good at the moment, no matter what other people do. We're all different, and we all like different things.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-31-2006 - 5:25pm

Sounds like you ARE aroused during foreplay and then when you move to intercourse, you lose that arousal because the stimulation stops. Very common. Just ask him to continue stimulating your clitoris DURING intercourse.

And you know you're aroused when you have the urge to get to orgasm. It's a fullness or tightness in your genitals from engorgement.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2006
Fri, 06-02-2006 - 4:59am
My boyfriend and I had sex yesterday. It wasn't so great, but it never is. He rush too much, and I don't have so much expirience in sex to know when, how and what to do. He doesn't wan't to satisfie me orally, because he is didguest with my sex organ, but he wants to satisfie me with hands. But we alwas rush somewhere and he comes very fast.
I must say he is with no, or very little expirience too. It seams he is afraid that he will not come, or that his penis will fall down(and it happened few times). What to do? can someone help us? We both are slightly owerweith.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-02-2006 - 10:51am

No wonder sex isn't great for you! I don't think it makes anyone feel too enthused if they know their partner is disgusted by part of their body!

Don't allow him to penetrate you UNTIL you have had at least one orgasm by manual stimulation. Then, if he isn't able to last very long, it won't leave you frustrated and angry.

Do you give him oral sex? IF so, then ask him to begin learning to get over his "disgust with your sex organ" just as you likely had to do. But I guess it's not too disgusting to stick his penis into!

Patience, communication and compassion are SO important, particularly in the beginning of an intimate relationship, since we're never so vunerable as we are lying naked with a partner. Remind him that you have feelings and that every negative or critical word has some effect on your self esteem and self image. That in turn, will affect how you view him and the relationship.

Talk with him, slow things down FOR him, ask for what you need to get aroused, and then control the timing for penetration. Tell him that even if he loses his erection, he can always get another.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2006
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 3:21am
Thank you katmandoo for your advice. I will shoorly try to do, at least part of what you said. Part of it we already do.
Problem is that my boyfriend is disgust even with his sex organ so, sometime I need to persuade him to satisfy him orally; even he likes it very much (is it wrong?). Even then, he stops me, as if he is afraid of something. Like it is not a part of his body. It is just for intercourse for him. However, him to satisfy me that way- still a problem, but at least he tries to satisfy me with his hands. Moreover, I have one orgasm, but after we have intercourse. He always helps me to get it, but I do it in bathroom with water. I can't have it other way.
You won't believe, but he never criticizes me after sex but we talk about how to make it better next time. I have patience, because I KNOW that all men and women are not great lovers, and I know that (I hope) some day he and I will became a good lovers to each other. I like how does he look like, even he is slightly overweight. We both are, so how can I criticize him for that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2006
Sat, 06-24-2006 - 4:53am
i know where youre coming from here. both of you have very little experience and have probably had so much outside information on the "right" way to have sex that you dont really know what works for you yet. it also sounds like you have a very selfish partner. guys sometimes get so involved in their own pleasure that they dont or cant think about the other person. you need to remind him to slow down for you, and if he wont then you need to reconsider why youre having sex with him in the first place. also, it might help to try new methods of foreplay, dont go directly for the genitals, find out what pleases both of you. early on he is probably just so excited to be having sex at all that he cant wait to get to the main event, which is kind of flattering for a while, but if you let that kind of behavior go on too long then you will end up with a selfish and lazy lover who doesnt know how to please you and that can cause all kinds of problems
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2006
Sat, 06-24-2006 - 4:10pm
perhaps you should prlong foreplay...actually have your orgasm before intercourse..you know your clit becomes more sensitive after orgasm and also girls can have more thsan one orgasm so perhaps you can have two!