I need your opinon.....
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I need your opinon.....
| Thu, 06-22-2006 - 9:12pm |
Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been dating for three years now and everything has been great except in the last 6 months we have hardly been having sex. It kind of makes me wonder if he is still attracted to me. What happened?? We used to go at it like rabbits. And then today I found all these porn websites he was visiting while I was at the gym and I didnt think anything of it but he had his pants undone. It only just clicked now when I saw the websites he had been visiting. I know looking at porn is only natural but I think my suspicions are all coming true... I dont turn his crank anymore....

have you talked to him about why you aren't having sex anymore? might be a good time to broach the subject. come at it from an even keel -- try not to take it as a personal attack on your sexiness and without attacking him. just be calm/concerned...we haven't been having sex much lately and i miss being with you in that way, is anything going on that you'd like to talk about? see if that takes you anywhere. if not, say that you noticed that he's been visiting a lot of porn sites and you feel like it is affecting your sex/love life. see where that takes you.
sometimes guys turn to porn as escape from some life stressor such as work. it allows them to be less vulnerable than actually addressing it with a partner. this way they don't appear weak and/or avoid judgment.
Don't panic just yet dear. My fiance & I have also been together for just over 3 years and our sex life goes through what I call "phases". Some weeks it's only in the morning, or at night. Some days it's afternoon delight! Some weeks he's insatiable and others not so much! For the most part his libido dictates our activity, but I am free to initiate an engagement as well. He is always more than happy to satisfy me and I him. You didn't specify your ages, but my advice is not limited by age.(we are 39/43). The last week or so it seems we don't even get it on every day. In the beginning we couldn't get enough...at least once a day in the morning, most days again at night when we went to bed and the weekends....well, hat tricks (hockey term for 3 goals) were very common!!! But the longer we are together, the more our relationship evolves. Some things to keep in mind are: 1. The longer you are together the less pressure there is to perform and impress. Sex is one way that men impress their mate. Women too but to a lesser degree most of the time. When a man feels confident that he has accomplished the goal of securing the intended mate sometimes the sex will trail off a bit. 2. Men can become bored with routine sex. You know...same positions, same schedule etc. Try and spice things up a little. Since he seems to like porn on the Internet surprise him by bringing home a porn flick for the two of you to watch together. My fiance just loves it when I watch porn with him. He says it's a real turn on and something totally unexpected and different! Don't tell him...just surprise him. 3. Talk to him about your concerns. This should probably be in the number one spot because talking to each other is key to the long term success of a relationship. Make sure you don't make him feel defensive. Just convey to him that you are wondered if he was noticing the change in your sex live too and you wanted to discuss it to make sure there was nothing else going on. I hope this helps and you'll let me know if it has and the results.
Sincerely,
Dar
Personal & Relationship Coach
http://dardenis.iwarp.com