I quit

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
I quit
18
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 1:13pm

Married for 4 years, with my husband for 8 years. 2 kids. Husband is 27 years old.

I have begged for sex, tryed playing hard to get, yadayadayada....

On our last vacation we had sex once lasted about 2 minutes - no foreplay, no pleasure (for me)

he is not interested in sex but maybe once every 2 weeks - and then thats the only time he ever attempts to touch me. He never holds my hand, pats or rubs, smiles at me, looks at me... NEVER unless he wants sex... and then I dont even want it because I'm bitter that he hasnt even kissed me in 2 weeks and now that he wants something he thinks a shoulder squeeze makes it all better.

He isnt cheating... thats not a worry, he just has no sex drive and no concideration for me. I am fit, in great shape and work really hard to maintain my figure. He doesnt care, never has. Never compliments.

I have 2 young children with him and I'm staying for the kids. But at this point Im ready to end the marriage. He makes me feel ugly, he makes me feel stupid, he makes me feel unwanted - and he doesnt even try to make me feel that way, He does it without thought or care.

I've tried alot to spice up our sex life, thinking he is just bored ... doesnt matter what I do - He doesnt care, nor does he appreciate the effort.

Next time he wants sex - I'll hand him a $20 and tell him to find it elsewhere.

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: allbluff
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 2:43pm

Well, that explains the last few months or so, but what did he say about the last 2 years?

I hope he (and many other men) will understand that talking about problems DOES help. Maybe not with the problem itself but with the stress and difficulty of dealing with them alone. Talking about problems is NOT dwelling on them though. It can be very helpful just to share the burden with your spouse. After all, that's what they're there for.

It's just very difficult to understand a partner's behavior and NOT make assumptions, if you don't even know what's going on. Your situation is a clear example of that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
In reply to: allbluff
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 2:54pm
I didnt want to drag up too much of the past - we've had sexual ups and downs over the past 2 years after my 2nd son was born...(he just turned 2 years old last month) and I think I can chalk up most of the lack of sex and intimacy to having 2 boys under 2 years of age and no alone time. I just wish he would have put forth more effort to be alone with me and when we were alone I wish he would have had the energy.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: allbluff
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 3:31pm
I can remember when our boys were small and how difficult it was to find time for one another but you have to make the time. Even if it's a quickie in the shower or setting the alarm 30 minutes earlier in the morning, it can make all the difference in the future. Keeping that intimate connection can make or break your marriage in the long run.
Avatar for gregg357
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: allbluff
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 3:48pm
You are so absolutely correct. I'm in a marriage which is going
down the proverbial toilet after 20+ years and a LOT of the
probelm is the lack of sex. To keep this in perspective, my 2
DS's are 15 and 18 yo. My DW has what I call the four rules of
engagement, and these are in no particular order:
1) no sex on a work night (Sunday thru Thrusday evenings)
2) No quickies (she insists on 30 minutes minimum)
3) Never in the moring (sleep is more important to her)
4) Never when the boys are awake (do you have any clue how late
teenagers can stay up without even trying???)
So this leaves between 2am and 4am Saturday and Sunday morning.
Needless to say we DON'T have sex anymore.....Oh, we just started
to see a marriage counselor two weeks ago to see if our marriage
is salvageable....
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: allbluff
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 4:09pm
Geez, she doesn't want much, does she? I'm sure the lack of sex is a lot of YOUR problem, but I'll bet it doesn't bother her at all! If it did, she'd lighten up on her "rules". Hopefully, the counselor can get to the root of HER problem. Good Luck!
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: allbluff
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 4:38pm
Well, at least your wife is going with you to counseling. You're on the right track! I wish you the best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
In reply to: allbluff
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 7:38pm
well, now I really understand why he has been a different man lately. He Just came home early - He was laid off of his job of 8 years today.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: allbluff
Sat, 09-03-2005 - 12:28am
I'm so sorry to hear that allbluff. My prayers are with you both.

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