I really dont understand why many guys

Avatar for chicle
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2003
I really dont understand why many guys
12
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 1:39pm

think...Im a weird girl because I don’t like sex or because Im still a virgin at my age and hasn’t slept with a man before. I have more than 30 yrs old but less than 40 and people say Im pretty and how come Im still a virgin so some chat friends I have on the net ask me is it because I don’t like sex if sex is the most normal thing in life. Some guys say that sex is the most normal thing why some people are not having it, if is part of the human nature and it is natural so they ask me if is so normal why Im not having sex and why I don’t like sex. I have told them that it is not that I don’t like sex it is simply that sex has to be enjoyed mutually, I wont sleep with a guy just for sleeping out of nothing but most guys say, of course not, sex it is more enjoyable only if there is attraction to have sex, even if you don’t like the girl period. Also they say that I’m missing a wonderful and basic experience of the human being. That I should have sex and make the decision soon to have sex because Im more than 30 yrs old.
I mean guys only think in the sex issue that is why perhaps they say that to me, right?

Why guys are like that??????? We are not pieces of meat!

I mean if a girl don’t dress sexy, people say other guys won’t notice her and they wotn start to get interested in you. But then If a woman dress very sexy of course a guy will notice her you but in the “physically issue” only not because they like you for who you are but then again if you dress way too sexy you look like a tramp and you don’t want to look like a tramp to meet guys

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 3:51pm

Sorry, charlie - if you are more than 30 years old and have not yet been in a relationship serious enough to want to lose your virginity - well, it's just not normal. What else can I say?

Want to tell us more? About your life? Your loves?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 5:31pm

Maybe if you'd stop saying you "don't like sex".....and instead say that you don't believe in sex outside of a serious relationship, or marriage people would understand. You can't say you don't LIKE sex if you've never been in a sexual relationship!

First of all, it's no guy's business whether or not you "like" sex....unless you're in a serious relationship with them, and the question of sex comes up.

And I don't agree with Jackson.....there is nothing wrong or abnormal about you just because you've never been in a sexual relationship. That's certainly better than some young women who think they MUST have sex with a man to hold on to them, and then they never see the man again, and are wondering why! Sex doesn't get a man, or hold a man....feelings are what are needed.

If you're in your mid thirties, you're an adult, and you know what you want, and what you believe, and if you don't want to have sex with every guy that you have a date with, good for you! I've never heard a woman say they waited too long to have sex, but I've heard MANY who regret that they started having sex as a teen ager, when they were too immature to even understand the responsibilities of sex and relationships.

Stop telling men that you don't like sex......that will help, lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 6:15pm

What I said, specifically, was, "...if you are more than 30 years old and have not yet been in a relationship serious enough to want to lose your virginity - well, it's just not normal."

I am not suggesting that her virginity is right or wrong, just that it is not normal. The percentage of women in their mid-thirties who have not been in a serious relationship and/or continue to cling to their virginity is, I suspect, infinitesimally small and therefore by definition "not normal".

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nor-mal

1. Conforming with, adhering to, or constituting a norm, standard, pattern, level, or type; typical: normal room temperature; one's normal weight; normal diplomatic relations.

2. Biology. Functioning or occurring in a natural way; lacking observable abnormalities or deficiencies.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
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In my estimation, there is a lot more going on here than the simple desire to wait for the right guy to come along...

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 6:25pm

to experience love or relationships you have to put yourself out there and take risks. maybe you will get hurt or maybe you will find love. the reality is oftentimes people do judge you on appearance and men do attach great importance to a woman's attractiveness. if you want someone to love you just for the wonderful person you are right away, it is unlikely to happen because it is over time that you learn that about a person. in most cases, what will initially draw them in and let them get to know you is if they are attracted to you.

i think you are being too idealistic and/or closed off about this process. i sense this is an outgrowth of a religious upbringing.

in my opinion, you are stunting your emotional growth. i think this is a bigger issue than just sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 7:42pm

Who are all these guys you are talking about and why do you discuss your virginity with them?


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Sun, 09-10-2006 - 7:55am

It's not anyone else's business whether or not you have sex. Talking about sex really shouldn't even be a topic on conversation with random people you start chatting with. If anyone is trying to ask you overly personal questions, they're being rude and you are perfectly within your rights to end the conversation immediately, and that goes double if the questions are disturbing you. You don't have to allow yourself to be forced into debates where you're having to defend your decisions.

I wouldn't agree that a woman has to dress sexy to attract men. Dressing in overly revealing clothing often tends to attract men, except the entirely wrong ones. If you're somewhere in your mid-thirties, then you should have seen enough to know that not all men want women only for meaningless sex. You should also have by now seen plenty of friends who had no problem attracting wonderful men who love them without having to dress sexy first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2006
Sun, 09-10-2006 - 8:44pm
I think theres a lot of guys out there that just think about having sex, and a relationship, emotional intamcy, and a deeper connection, are not on their agenda. Then there are those few great guys out there that really do care about the person inside, and not so much about the looks.
Its hard because a lot of the time its someones looks that attract you to them, then the personality that keeps you attracted. But if youre not "perfect" then a lot of guys arnt interested in your personality.
If you want to wait to have sex, even into your 40s thats your choice. Dont let anybody, friends, guys, society, push you into anything. You will find a guy whos great, understanding, and will love you from the inside out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 09-10-2006 - 9:52pm

In my experience, I don't think that I know or have ever met a single woman over the age of thirty that hasn't had sex. So No, you're not "normal". That's why most guys think that you're weird - by "weird" they mean "not normal". I doubt that it is just men that think that you are "weird", there would be plenty of women that would think that as well.

But make of that what you will. Just because you're not normal as far as sexual relationships go, doesn't mean that you can't be happy, satisfied with your life, and productive and interesting. You can have your standards and values and, really, you're not answerable to anyone-else in this particular subject. You can do what you want and you have every right to do it.

>>I mean if a girl don’t dress sexy, people say other guys won’t notice her and they wotn start to get interested in you.<<

Yes, certainly physical appearance and sex appeal is a big part of the initial attraction between a man and a women. Such is life. Nothing is going to change that. You may as well curse the sun for rising every morning. Now, get over it and get on with life. You should also be old enough to realise that appearance is only part of attraction and that there are men out there that are attracted to more than just physical apperance. There are men that want more than just a pretty face or a good set of boobs. Dress how you want to dress and eventually you will meet a man that finds you attractive and interesting for who you are and for how you present yourself.

However if you find yourself in your mid-thirties and you have never had a serious flirtation or relationship with a man and yet you want one (with the right man) then I would have a good hard look at myself and ask myself "What exactly is it that I want?" I suspect that you are rationalising something when you talk about the evils of sex for sex's sake and the lie of physical attraction.
If you don't ever let a man get emotionally close to you because you convince yourself that he is only interested in you as a piece of meat, then maybe I would start to wonder about my motivations and true desires and feelings about the subject of sex and love.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Mon, 09-11-2006 - 11:39pm

Hello Chicle,

You have thrown a lot of things on the table here. I don't know where to start. These issues are important to you and if they are this important to you you may need to seek help from some professional counseler or people near you that understand you and the way you have grown up and your values and belief systems. Please note: In my experience you are not the norm. However, I don't think you are alone.

I have know at least two women that were virgins past 30 years old. They eventually found someone they respected and also respected them to enjoy their sexuality with.

Some guys may think only "in the sex issue" or act like that is all they think about but most think about more than the "sex issue".

Some men may think about women as a "piece of meat" but I don't think all men think of women as a "piece of meat". I think most men think of women as people and their mate as a friend and companion.

As a side note: I also don't think most women think of men as a "meal ticket".

Regarding how you dress and what you attract: You can attract different types of people depending on how you present yourself. This is as much about how you act and think as it is how you dress.

If you are not finding what you want doing what you are doing you need to try doing something else.

I think you need to find some men you trust and spend some time with them in a none dating type situation. I doubt your father considers you a "piece of meat". If you have a brother I doubt he thinks you are a "piece of meat". My point is there are some good men out there that don't think of women as a "piece of meat" and you need to try something else to find them.

Once again, I have know at least two women that were virgins past 30 years old. They eventually found someone they respected and also respected them to enjoy their sexuality with.
I respect your tenacity.

I hope you find someone you can trust to enjoy your sexuality with.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 3:32pm
Last week I saw a tv show that was about "asexual" people. They did not have sex, and no desire to have sex. Honestly, they were somewhat on the strange side, but other than their sexuality, they seemed to fall within the relms of normal. I`d be curious if the original poster masturbated.

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