I want to be more spontaneous.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
I want to be more spontaneous.
6
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 5:45pm

How do I become more spontaneous with sex? I know DH would love it and I know he's just given up the fact of even thinking about having sex anywhere besides in our house. I'm just so paranoid about getting caught that it wouldn't even be enjoyable for either of us. How do I get over this? CAN I get over this?

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Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 7:12pm
How about being spontaneous INSIDE the house? Initiate it at an unexpected time in an unexpected room.
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Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 11:43pm

Ummmm, by definition being "spontaneous " means that it is unplanned. So you can't PLAN to do it at any given time.

However, what you could do is discover and research some places where you can have spontaneous sex if the time and place is right. For example, if he uses a carpark building. You might do some research and realise that some nights he works late and the carpark building becomes virtually deserted. Knowing that, maybe one night when you happen to be visiting his office you can jump him in the car if the cost is clear.

Same thing for his office. You can never guarantee that he'll work late, let alone being alone in the office, or that you'll even be at his office to see him, but one day you might realise that the coast is clear and the office is empty - do it then.

How about finding a quiet country road or parking area? Maybe check it out by yourself on the way home and see if it's deserted or remote enough to have a quicky on a Sunday?

Have you got a back yard? What time do the neighbours go to bed? Is that dark corner really dark enough? Check it out and mentally file it under "Places that I know we'd be safe if the time is right".

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 12:47pm

Hi,

You become more spontaneous by embracing and feeling comfortable with your own sexuality. Maybe sex in a risky place is just not within your boundries. There are other ways to be spontaneous that may be more safe for you: Kitchen table, shower, dark balcony, etc. Just be creative.

Sex is for procreation, but it is also just fun. So often, we take sex so seriously that we stress out about it: I'm not good at that, don't like this, he/she never does this, yadda, yadda, yadda. It's no wonder people have so many sexual problems, they take it so darn seriously. Sex at it's heart is just play. Especially in a marriage that is relatively safe from STD's or unwanted pregnancy...just be willing to play and be willing to laugh at yourself and you will be spontaneous.

Peace.
Scott.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 5:25pm

I agree with the others. It's not necessary to be exhibitionistic to be spontaneous. I'm not exhibitionistic at all but I'm very spontaneous....in the comfort of my own space.

I think there's a time and place for everything and it's just not necessary to open yourself up to public humiliation or arrest in order to keep things interesting sexually!

If this is your DH's idea of spontaneity, correct him. Being spontaneous just means to be open to the possibility of sexual activity with your partner.

You shouldn't HAVE to learn to enjoy something that you find uncomfortable or compromising.




Edited 2/16/2005 5:29 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2005
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 8:52am

Call me crazy but out of the house doesn't have to mean the movie theater. Start small like going to a hotel for the weekend (I prefer B&B's) and let things happen there but as you go out and about you can do different things without being caught like touching each other in a resturant, car while driving, talking about what you want to do with each other as you take a long walk..a seem to walk a bit quicker on the way back lol!

Also, have you bought any "play toys" or new sexy nities? They can go a long way and travel well! lol!

Good Luck!

www.kellyfitzpatrick.com

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Registered: 05-27-2004
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 9:47am

You don't "plan" spontaneity, you ARE spontaneous. We all have imaginations, and spontaneous people act on the ideas that they have. It doesn't involve public sex, that has to be planned.

True spontaneity is private.....whether it's in your home, or out of it. "Forget" your underwear when you go out to dinner. Meet him at the door naked. Serve dinner naked. Do something he doesn't expect you to do.

I had a friend who did something spontaneous...... On Halloween night, she had her husband handing out candy. When it got late enough that the kids were pretty much gone for the night, she snuck out the back door with nothing on but a coat, went to the front door and knocked. When he answered the door, she flashed him.....THAT's spontaneity.