I want it all the time...he doesn't!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
I want it all the time...he doesn't!
6
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 1:09pm
I'm 26, he's 37....I want to make love every night! Unfortunately due to our schedules that isn't possible but I would settle for at least three times - some weeks I am lucky to get it more than once a week. I have tried toys, new positions, porn. He doesn't say no to these attempts, it just doesn't increase the frequency.

Also the quality of sex we have is definitely there. He says it is just stress and exhaustion and his age. I don't really have very much to complain about because he is a very considerate lover, but I just have a much, much higher libido than him.

I guess I could accept that because it is the first time I have dated a man his age, but TV, movies, other entertainment media makes it seem as though I am a freak because men are supposed to have to practically beg for it and the roles are reversed in our bedroom.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 4:22pm

<<in our bedroom>>>


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-30-2004 - 9:31pm
Don't take the "age" excuse as a reason. He is still young. Tell him that a 74-year-old man on the "Let's Talk About Sex" board has sex 3 or 4 times per week!! Perhaps he is stressed or even depressed. Also many medications can adversely affect libido. Tell him that your needs have to be met too. There has to be room for compromise!!
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 11:19pm
NO, that's a myth that ALL men want sex ALL the time or even more than women. Just not the case.

I have the higher libido in my marriage and so we compromise on frequency. He provides it a little more often than he might choose on his own and I expect less than I actually might like and take care of myself when needed. And it's worked out nicely for us for over 28 yrs.

Unfortunately, TV and the movies have only perpetuated the myth and added to the confusion, but it's all fantasy. Men can be just as sexually diverse as women are.


Edited 11/1/2004 12:20 am ET ET by katmandoo2001

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 2:34am
Well, I'm basically only a year younger than him and I was up until recently in a stressful work environment that had me about as stressed as a person can get without ending up in the Funny Farm. Really. I could still happily have sex at least three times a week and masturbate several times too. Maybe more if she had pressed me harder for it.

Work stress IS a valid excuse but if it is affecting his life in this way he should consider options to reduce his workload or his stress levels. At the end of the day you are unhappy and might leave him because of this - surely a job isn't worth that? As far as exhaustion and his age? Hmmmm.... I don't think so.

Of course it could be none of this and he just has a lower libido. In which case he can't do too much about it other than getting himself checked by the Doctor and talking to the Doctor about it.

Keep talking to him.

And, No, you're not a freak. It's not uncommon for women to have a higher libido than their man. That's not how men like to see it though! LOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 6:18am
Beweep...I looked at your Profile, and you list your gender as "male". If this is a gay relationship you're talking about, it might change the nature of some of the responses. Please clarify for us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 11-01-2004 - 7:35am
Good point Mancreature.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd