I Want You To Want Me

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2013
I Want You To Want Me
5
Sat, 04-06-2013 - 4:11am

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now. I was his first, but he wasn't mine. So, of course, I'm the only person he's ever been with. When we were teenagers our sex life was exciting and new so we couldnt keep our hands off eachother. And since we weren't allowed to sleep in the same bed we were a little adventurous in choosing our locations. Now that we've moved in together I'm starting to notice myself getting...well...bored. His personality is very (let me choose my words carefully here) respectful and caring. To be honest I miss the passion and animalistic "do me now" attitude. We were long distance for a year or so and every time we saw each other again we had that amazing reunited flame that I just don't see anymore. I don't usually like to take the lead but if I don't it just doesn't seem to happen. I know it's not an emotional problem because we still cuddle, hug and fall asleep in eachother arms every night. I don't even think he's noticed the decline in our sex life. 

I don't know how to go about fixing this. If I talk to him about it I don't want to hurt his feelings. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2013
Sun, 05-05-2013 - 6:59pm

If you were his only one, he only knows what he has done with you. He doesn't know any other way. You need to communicate to him before the act during and after. You need to basically teach him what are the things you like and dis like. If anything he's a perfect student. He won't know anything else but you show him. Spice it up. Yes take the lead , just because your taking the lead now doesn't mean you will always. There are so many ways to spice things up. But it depends on you. If you love him and plan to be with this person, you will figure it out. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 04-12-2013 - 10:50am

If you can't communicate about this, then you have a big problem.  Unless he's got some serious emotional problems, why would talking about it "hurt" him.  You don't have to lay it all on him, either, it takes two to tango.  You need to take the lead sometimes, too.  And there's nothing wrong with talking about how it "used to be" and what you can do to get it that way again.  You're no longer teen agers, with raging hormones like you used to be.......but it can still be fun and exciting, if you both work at it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2012
Thu, 04-11-2013 - 1:38pm

A guy's view here.  You need to talk to your man.  You want to have an open relationship with him and that is the only way to keep it open.  Don't be afraid to take the lead but if you don't have a talk you may have to always take the lead.   Get a book and learn new things (ie positions) together that may put a little spark in the bedroom.  If you want the relationship to grow you MUST communicate.  The Men's Health web site is a good place to get info as is the ivillage site.  Read the articles and show them to your significant other so you can share the learning.  If it was hot before it can be again.  Good Luck!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Tue, 04-09-2013 - 12:57am

There is nothing wrong with taking the lead. I've never known a man to object....

He may not be aware of how you are feeling, so there is nothing worse than not acting or speaking up about it. Communicate either through speaking about how you feel or by showing him what you miss and how it could be!

Good luck!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2001
Sat, 04-06-2013 - 8:44am

Don't be afraid to take the lead.  Guys like it.  Do you own any sexy lingerie?  If so let him be watching TV, come in the room in your sexy lingerie and go over to him and kiss him passionately.  Don't give him a chance to object.  Open his pants, give him oral till he is nice and hard, ride him hard until you both finish.  Walk away like nothing has happened.  Even better if he is in the living room.  If he asks what is up tell you just want a wild one like the old days.