If I'm on top, he slips out, HELP!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2006
If I'm on top, he slips out, HELP!!!!!!
5
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 4:03pm
I have a problem with regard to my being on top during sex. Whenever my boyfriend and I have sex with me on top, he slips out. If I keep my body very close to his, we seem to be okay, but we don't get much friction that way. I have only had two other partners and the first one I had this same problem, but he was exceptionally small and had issues of firmness (was that delicate enough?)This is SOOOOOOO not the issue with my boyfriend. The only other person I have had sex with, we never did it with me on top. So I am wondering if this is a body shape issue or what and if so, what can I do to keep him inside while still being able to move about and get some friction going. Any thoughts or suggestions are appreciated. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 4:18pm
This is a very common thing to have happen during woman on top. The same thing happens in the best porn videos so don't sweat it too much. You need to take things slowly, use your thighs a lot so you can have more control on how much you lower and raise your body. He needs to stay still and not thrust his hips upwards, which is natural for him to want to do... It all takes Practice, practice, practice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 11:40pm

You can get plenty of friction going if you do it right! First, kneel, don't squat on your heels. The point isn't to bounce up and down.....it's to move slowly and sensuously, moving your hips in a circular motion, with an occasional thrust of your pelvis....all the while "grinding" into him.

Let him do the thrusting when he's on top. When it's your turn, just grind. This is for YOU, not for him. Lots of guys don't finish with the woman on top, so when you've had enough, you change positions, and let him do HIS thing.

When you learn to do it right, he'll have to fight you to get on top!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2004
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 12:40pm

Hi there, I meant to reply to this the other day when I saw it.

Guess what? I used to have the exact same problem. I could never work out why I couldn't stay hard when my wife was on top, or if I was hard, why I wasn't as hard as other positions. Basically, there were three reasons that I could see that applied to me, so it may be one of these with your man.

1. However much I loved that position, the lying down, my wife's breasts nearer to my face, I think that I'm one of those men who actually prefers to be the active participant, you know, in control. That's why I think I've always been more inclined to being on top, as being on the bottom means I wasn't really in control of the situation. How did I resolve it? By basically taking more part. So whilst my wife now rides me, I thrust a little as well, play with her body, enough to keep me active in a way. So maybe you could do that, make sure your man is doing something as opposed to lying there, which can lead to a man 'switching off' a bit.

2. Psychology played a big part with me. I think when I had problems in that position once, I kept telling myself that I couldn't do it in that position. All I did in the end was relax, then once I'd done it successfully one time, I just kept the momentum going and it hasn't stopped even today.

3. This may sound a little out there but I really do think this was the reason why I struggled to be on the bottom before. If you go by this theory, lazier men should have an advantage. The one thing that differentiates me from most other men, is that I'm incredibly physically active, I have a high metabolism as well. Now this is only my theory, but of course, erections are all about blood flow, the sudden rush of blood into a small (by comparison with the rest of the body) area. Now the thing is with me, I get erect VERY easily, but at the same time, once sex is finished, or if there's an interuption during sex, I tend to lose it. I'm similar with sleep, I can wake up and be active SO easily, but I tend to feel sleepy really easily once I've done an activity/ies.

When I was on the bottom, I'm sure I'm right in saying that the blood flow to my penis was not as strong as it would be when I'm on top and blood is flowing continuously into it. What I found, was that if we started sex with me on the bottom, I'd find myself trying too hard to keep erect, which would cause more problems than it would solve.

Then I realised the solution, I need to be FULLY aroused for that position to work. So now, if we want to start with my wife on top, she makes sure that I get plenty of oral sex and I'm totally ready to go. Or better still, we start with me on top, then of course, as I'm fully hard and won't lose it, we switch, plus it gives me a nice rest.

Maybe this helped, I don't know. But work at it, that's the key, and whatever happens, DON'T let your man know that you're frustrated during sex as that will make it worse.

God Bless

I can solve all of life's problems by asking myself a simple question:  What would Stone Cold Steve Austin do in this particular situation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2007
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 2:19pm
Tough to say....I think various bodies match up better than others. So, it seems like you implied that he is big enough. I would just try different angles while you are on top and see if that works.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2007
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 1:55pm
Have you tried facing in the opposite direction? Or try getting between his legs & let him wrap his legs around you. Let me know if either position works out for you.