The "Illegal Substitution"
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| Tue, 08-03-2004 - 10:23am |
When having sex with your spouse or significant other, do women also make mental illegal substitions and picture someone else who should be considered very inappropriate? By this I don't mean Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson..etc., I mean close friends or a close friend's spouse or significant other.
I doubt women do this one, as a female friend that I recently told was pretty appalled by this one, but we guys picture almost every woman naked at one time or another. Sometimes it just flashes in there and we didn't mean to picture it (if you ever see a guy at the grocery store make an odd face, he probably pictured someone naked that he clearly did not want to). I think this rarely comes up in a conversation because the guy would have to admit that he probably pictures "you" naked. We guys don't really talk about this in this way, but we will privately talk about the women in our circles, ie "Sara's looking pretty good lately" or "Is she wearing some kind of wonderbra".
A little rambling up there, but I guess my direct question would be - How often do women think sexually about the guys that they know, some of which are married or dating? Not how often do you discuss it, but how often is it thought? For example, I have a good friend whose wife and I seem (and it could be just in my head) to have some kind of sexual tension thing (or maybe it's just normal tension, lol). Not that I would ever think about pursuing anything as she is not only married, but to a close friend. I don't think that I have ever let on that I think she's hot, but have clearly used her as an illegal substitution, or at least wondered what it would be like with her, do women do this?
I guess I'm going with the premise that "Attraction is not a Choice"
Again, please don't say that we men are shallow, we've accepted that long long ago, I'm just looking for complete honesty here. And, for whatever it's worth, I will not use my new found knowledge for diabolical purposes, this is just for educational purposes only!
Thanks
Edited 8/3/2004 10:28 am ET ET by thenobleman

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You've gotten several responses from women here and some from your own female friends, and the majority say that they do not fantasize about other men when with their partner. Why can't you just take us at our word? There IS another way of looking at the world, you know. Truly, there is.
Katmandoo, I appreciate your response. Thank you. I am not fishing for a reason to act on anything or to justify why I have done the illegal substition, but can I not hear the responses from others as well?
When refering to my female friends, I was referring to the "picturing them naked" portion of the discussion, I never had the guts to ask them about the substition thing, which has been answered here by you and a few others.
What I was trying to ask on the second part of my question, was that doesn't it seem that men (already in relationships) are more aware of the opposite sex than are women (again, those that are already in relationships)?
On TV, in magazines, and within the people that I know, when you hear about someone having a "wandering eye", it always seems to be a guy.
Is it that way because I'm a guy and that I simply hear all of the guy talk, are women better at shutting that world out once they get into relationships, or is it that they still look occationally, but keep it on a whole different (and more appropriate) level than we do?
I'm not talking about galking or whistling like the stereotyped construction worker, but simply "noticing".
I THINK I understand what you're asking, though but not sure. How can women admire other attractive males, and NOT take those mental images into the bedroom with us? I don't know. I just know that I don't fantasize during intimacy with the DH. And if he does, I don't want to know about it.
I think it just comes down to being wired differently for sex.
Edited 8/3/2004 6:04 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
honey
Leticia
For me it was just a RARE slip of the mind flashback here or there of waaaay back in the past; gosh darn memories, LOL! Even when it does happen, its just something passing through my brain waves and doesn't actually stick, just like thinking about the finances or the vehicle repair list, just a slip, nothing more, lol.
(BTW, very cool of you to well wish cl-edifyandsharpen after her tragic loss)
;)
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R
Nice to know I am not the only one, although(unless I missed a post here) it seems I am the only *female* here so far who does. ;o)
>>For me it was just a RARE slip of the mind flashback here or there of waaaay back in the past; gosh darn memories, LOL! Even when it does happen, its just something passing through my brain waves and doesn't actually stick, just like thinking about the finances or the vehicle repair list, just a slip, nothing more, lol.<<
Yep, me too. I would be concerned if I needed to think of others, but since it is only a fleeting moment here and there who cares lol. Life goes on.
>>(BTW, very cool of you to well wish cl-edifyandsharpen after her tragic loss)<<
No problem :o)
Leticia
.....scribles down some notes.
...Oh, sorry. Thanks for the responses.
After some private deliberation on my part, it does seem that even my substitutions are pretty short-lived, if not fleeting, during sex.
However, it's during the non-sexual times that puts me well onto the guilty side. At a party or gathering of some kind, when I would see someone who is either single or married, I would occasionally wonder what it would be like to "be with" her. At different times that means different things, most of which are, however, inappropriate.
I guess, if I could, can I redirect my question to these non-sexual moments, like when you are on a long boring drive or in the shower? Again, I'm not talking about Tom Cruise, JFK Jr., Sir Lancalot, Aqua Man ...etc, I'm asking about people that you know and that would be pretty inappropriate if you mentioned this to others (except to us on this message board, of course).
Oh, and just for my defense, I do believe that it is wrong to think of such things, so I'm not looking for justification, just information to see if I'm really that odd (which, of course, I can be), and secondly to see if both sexes do this. So, yes, it's wrong to do so, but we're also supposed to be in church every Sunday morning which I'm occasionally guilty of as well.
Leticia
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