The "Illegal Substitution"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
The "Illegal Substitution"
21
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 10:23am
We men can be shallow at times, we'll admit that, especially when it comes to sex. We sometimes will blame evolution and the idea of procreation, yadda yadda yadda. So, with that fully admitted, I would like to ask a shallow question;

When having sex with your spouse or significant other, do women also make mental illegal substitions and picture someone else who should be considered very inappropriate? By this I don't mean Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson..etc., I mean close friends or a close friend's spouse or significant other.

I doubt women do this one, as a female friend that I recently told was pretty appalled by this one, but we guys picture almost every woman naked at one time or another. Sometimes it just flashes in there and we didn't mean to picture it (if you ever see a guy at the grocery store make an odd face, he probably pictured someone naked that he clearly did not want to). I think this rarely comes up in a conversation because the guy would have to admit that he probably pictures "you" naked. We guys don't really talk about this in this way, but we will privately talk about the women in our circles, ie "Sara's looking pretty good lately" or "Is she wearing some kind of wonderbra".

A little rambling up there, but I guess my direct question would be - How often do women think sexually about the guys that they know, some of which are married or dating? Not how often do you discuss it, but how often is it thought? For example, I have a good friend whose wife and I seem (and it could be just in my head) to have some kind of sexual tension thing (or maybe it's just normal tension, lol). Not that I would ever think about pursuing anything as she is not only married, but to a close friend. I don't think that I have ever let on that I think she's hot, but have clearly used her as an illegal substitution, or at least wondered what it would be like with her, do women do this?

I guess I'm going with the premise that "Attraction is not a Choice"


Again, please don't say that we men are shallow, we've accepted that long long ago, I'm just looking for complete honesty here. And, for whatever it's worth, I will not use my new found knowledge for diabolical purposes, this is just for educational purposes only!

Thanks




Edited 8/3/2004 10:28 am ET ET by thenobleman

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 7:10pm
What you're describing sounds normal for men AND women, for the most part, I would think. Isn't that just being human? It's just allowing your mind to wander/wonder a little TOO far at times, when you see an attractive person? But that's a far different scenario than pretending your spouse or partner is someone else during sex though.

Frankly, if I'm going to fantasize about anyone other than my DH, on my OWN time, it would have to be Mel Gibson. Forget the guy from the office! LOL! It's supposed to be a fantasy, after all and to me, friends and coworkers would be a little too close for comfort.

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