I'm afraid to have sex w/ my boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2005
I'm afraid to have sex w/ my boyfriend
9
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 7:28pm

What should I do. I've been having sex since I was 16 years old and I get with one guy and now I'm clamming up. He's a virgin and I'm kind of feeling the pressure to perform. Besides I'm going to be the first person that he's had sex with. I don't want him to think about his first time as being a disaster like mine was. I know that I shouldn't put so much thought into it but I really can't help it. Is this a normal feeling or am I just nervous about nothing...someone please help me!!!!

Sweetness0423

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 7:36pm

Darling, *most* people's first times are not spectacular. Of those people, quite a few are disasters and the rest are just not particularly memorable. Yes, there would be exceptions, but they are few and far between.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 11:55pm

Sex isn't a "performance".....it's supposed to be an expression of feelings, and of intimacy with someone you care about.

Since you've had so much experience, then you should be able to guide him along, and make sure his first time is great, as yours would have been if someone had guided you properly.

When in doubt, don't.

Avatar for mending
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 2:33pm
IMM, he is not the one! How old is this guy? I just saw a movie about a girl who was pressured into having sex. Anyway, she didn't end up w/ the guy who she didn't want sex with. I think you're saving yourself for your one & only "future husband" if you're thinking well, on better terms. Try not to worry about him, have fun, and do things with the girls, or- *work out* with him maybe, meaning go out as friends. (This doesn't mean you have to do anything!!) Try sightseeing or going shopping; go see the new shops downtown! Take the bus! :o)
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 2:44pm

I second GTB's advice....when in doubt, don't.

Listen to your intuition and your gut and wait until it feels right, if ever. If he was the guy for you, you wouldn't be having this mental debate. Don't have sex because it's expected or assumed.




Edited 4/19/2005 2:46 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2005
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 2:47pm
Don't if your asking, your not ready
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2005
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 6:53pm

Ok I'm not afraid in the sense that I'm debating whether to have sex or not. He's the one who hasn't had sex yet and decided that he wanted to have HIS first time with ME. I was feeling pressure because I didn't want HIS first time to as horrible as mine was. I do feel that he's the one for me reason being is because I haven't thought about breaking up with him. Breaking up with him hasn't even crossed my mind and I'm happy with that. I'm not doubting anything about my relationship with him.

Sweetness0423

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 7:05pm
Well, just because HE'S ready though, doesn't mean that you should be. I still would suggest waiting until you feel more comfortable about the idea. His first time will be enjoyable and memorable regardless of whether it's perfect or not. Our 1st time rarely is anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2005
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 7:09pm

I sort of feel like most people here are missing the point. Sweetness is NOT trying to decide whether this is "the one" or "the first" or whatever...I think she's just nervous about being "disappointing" or something.

Honestly, after having had mostly male best friends since elementary school, I've heard it all from guys...and there really is not much you can do to make it a bad experience for HIM! As long as he's ready and you're laid back about it, I think it should be fine.

Good luck and try to have fun!

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 7:14pm

I understood exactly what she was talking about but it's not just HIS first time, you know...it's HER 1st time with HIM!

And if she feels pressured or discomfort, it certainly won't be enjoyable for either of them. Better to wait until she feels more comfortable with him and the idea.