Im calling it quits ..
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Im calling it quits ..
| Sun, 06-26-2005 - 10:16am |
You ladies already know the DL on me and my ex and how we hook up. Well ive been thinking .. why ? Why am I hooking up with him if we arent together .. because later its just harder for me and I just want him back even more. Im calling him later on today when he wakes up and im going to have a discussion with him. It was one of you ladies who said " If Im good enough to have sex with .. why arent I good enough to be with you " and thats exactly what Im going to say to him. Theres no sense in me having sex with him if we arent together. Im also going to tell him " I know you arent using me but I just cant have sex with you anymore if we arent together .. for me, emotionally, it hurts too much. We can still be friends but i cant do this anymore ". Is that the right thing to do ? Do I finally have pride in myself ? The one thing that I cant handle is .. after he knows that I dont want to have sex with him anymore .. hes going to want to get "booty" from another chic and when I think that I want to break down and cry. But he is the kind of guy who doesnt hook up with many girls in the first place because he doesnt have much confidence in himself like other older teen guys do .. so maybe the chics will have to initiate the hook up. I dont know .. but what I do know is that I have to call it quits because I cant hang on to him by having sex, I know we will still be good friends though and thats what matters right now to me. *tear* So ladies am I doing the right thing ?

Yes, Sexynympho, I believe you are doing the right thing.
I agree with the others....it's time you start thinking about getting what YOU want, and you know he's not going to give you that. In case you haven't heard it, there's an old saying, "why buy the cow when the milk is free"! He doesn't have to buy the cow, does he? He gets whatever he wants, and you DON'T get what you want, and never will, not from him.
I also think you need to just END it.....there's no need to be friends, either. It will just prolong your misery, AND, you will NEVER be able to transition to a platonic relationship with him. He'll come around, throw you a crumb, and you'll be right back where you are now.
Let him hook up with anyone he wants to. Not your concern. Neither is his lack of confidence in himself. You can't change that, he has to do that. Time, maturity, and experience will probably do it for him.
Your main concern has to be yourself. He's a big boy, and he can take care of himself, and if he can't......oh well! Look for what YOU want, and don't settle for less. Hold off on sex until there is a real relationship.....then you'll KNOW they're there for you, not the sex.
Good luck. I think that you are doing the right thing. As already said, he may not be "using" you but it is only benefitting one person. And that one person ain't you!
>>so maybe the chics will have to initiate the hook up<<
You shouldn't care about this. Yes, it's hard to think about it happening, but really, who cares? It's NOT your problem! If he has such a difficult time meeting other women he should appreciate you, the one that he has, more. But he doesn't. He's just using you until he eventually DOES find another woman. And he WILL eventually find someone. It doesn't matter whether he initiates it or the other woman does, eventually he WILL find someone-else.
I did a similar thing with my ex-wife about 6 months after we split up. We weren't having sex (apparently she was seeing someone else for that) but I realised that I was being used for a lot of the stuff that that you get a husband or b/f to do. After six months of that, good enough to run around after her, but not good enough to stay married to, I told her that it was over. One afternoon, I said "Goodbye, have a good life" and I have never seen her since. Best decision I ever made.
I'm not a lady, but I have experience in this type of thing. My divorce recently became final. I didn't want the divorce, and it broke my heart. But, life goes on.
I think you're doing the right thing by stopping the sex. All sex does is reignite the emotions, and it takes longer to heal. I've done a lot of reading on divorce recovery. A point that comes up again and again is that you have to feel the pain to get rid of it. My divorce hurt more than the death of either of my parents. I, too, hoped we could be friends, but even hearing her voice on the phone is difficult for me. I have decided to break it off completely, no contact except to finalize the division of property, etc. Gradually, I have felt better and will continue to improve. I once thought that impossible, but I'm getting on with my life. I won't spend the rest of my life mourning. I'm a good man, and I deserve better.
Best of luck to you. Be strong. In the long run, it's worth it. Take it from someone who sees the sun shining a little brighter each day.