Just because your BF has had more sex and more partners than you doesn't necessarily make him more skilled, and what may have worked for him with previous partners may not be what works for you. It sounds from your description that he's going too fast for what you need to get 'there'. Rather than you learning to relax, perhaps what you need is for him to learn to slow down a little so the experience is more enjoyable for you.
I think you might have a few things going on. Along the lines of what Steve said, having more partners or having had sex for a longer time period, doesn't necessarily make a person more experienced. You feeling like he has more experience, or that he is somehow better at it than you are, might be affecting how you feel about your own performance.
Your largest sex organ is your brain. Feeling that he has more experience, fearing that the neighbors will hear you, not being comfortable enough to let yourself go when you're with him -- all of these things are working against you.
While I can understand that you don't want the neighbors to hear you every time you have sex, try to look for ways to mask the noises you make so that you feel more comfortable. You could try having sex in a different room so the sound doesn't carry to them as easily, or on the floor so the bed isn't making noise. With the radio or TV on, with the windows shut, etc. I've been known to bite on a pillow case or sheet a time or two so that my sounds are muffled.
You're saying that sex with him is too intense, but in the same breath, you are saying that you are stopping it when you feel close to having an orgasm. I suspect that has to do with your comfort level. Perhaps you don't want him to see you let go that way. Most guys love watching their women "O", and if they feel she is getting close, they strive to get her there. Have you experimented with different positions? Perhaps if you were in a position where he couldn't see your face, you would feel more comfortable (and relax and go with the feeling).
"Embarrassed because I can't be still and just take it and scared because I can't keep quite ... Screaming and twitching like a porn star..."
Try making deep, guttural noises instead of high pitched sounds. Moans, groans and heavy breathing not only encourage your partner, but they help you get lost in the moment and build your own arousal. Lying there like a quiet, frozen body isn't going to do anything for either of you! Why would you even want to do that? People want to know that the other person is enjoying themselves, and responding to what's happening. What are you referring to as "just take it"? Is he causing you pain? Responding to what is happening, how you're feeling, is what will make you a better lover, and it will allow you to stop thinking yourself out of a good place. If you think you looked or sounded funny, then feel free to giggle about it afterwards -- the human body can take on some rather odd poses when experiencing that much pleasure. Of course, if he is causing you pain, you need to speak up about that, but I'm not gathering that pain is a problem from your post. Have you thought about having a glass of wine or a drink prior to having sex? I wouldn't encourage you to get drunk, but if you learn to relax and enjoy what's happening, it can only make things better for both of you.
You've received some great advice from the others who've replied. I just have one other suggestion. I'm not sure from your original post, but I get the idea that perhaps you've never had an orgasm? If that is the case, then you should definitely learn how to pleasure yourself. You'll be better able to anticipate your reaction when you climax from masturbation rather than from your BF stimulating you, and you will also learn what works and doesn't work for you so you can share that with him later.
Find some time (at least an hour, preferably two) when you can be alone, undisturbed, put on some music, close the windows and start exploring your own body. You don't need toys for this, just some lube and your own fingers for starters. You'll figure out what feels good and hopefully get more comfortable with your own body and sexuality. Good luck!
BTW, I got a good laugh from your line about screaming and twitching like a porn star with Tourette's!
Just because your BF has had more sex and more partners than you doesn't necessarily make him more skilled, and what may have worked for him with previous partners may not be what works for you. It sounds from your description that he's going too fast for what you need to get 'there'. Rather than you learning to relax, perhaps what you need is for him to learn to slow down a little so the experience is more enjoyable for you.
As Bostonsteve said, his "experience" doesn't mean that he knows what he's doing, and how to do it.
Welcome to the board mellowyellow311.
I think you might have a few things going on. Along the lines of what Steve said, having more partners or having had sex for a longer time period, doesn't necessarily make a person more experienced. You feeling like he has more experience, or that he is somehow better at it than you are, might be affecting how you feel about your own performance.
Your largest sex organ is your brain. Feeling that he has more experience, fearing that the neighbors will hear you, not being comfortable enough to let yourself go when you're with him -- all of these things are working against you.
While I can understand that you don't want the neighbors to hear you every time you have sex, try to look for ways to mask the noises you make so that you feel more comfortable. You could try having sex in a different room so the sound doesn't carry to them as easily, or on the floor so the bed isn't making noise. With the radio or TV on, with the windows shut, etc. I've been known to bite on a pillow case or sheet a time or two so that my sounds are muffled.
You're saying that sex with him is too intense, but in the same breath, you are saying that you are stopping it when you feel close to having an orgasm. I suspect that has to do with your comfort level. Perhaps you don't want him to see you let go that way. Most guys love watching their women "O", and if they feel she is getting close, they strive to get her there. Have you experimented with different positions? Perhaps if you were in a position where he couldn't see your face, you would feel more comfortable (and relax and go with the feeling).
"Embarrassed because I can't be still and just take it and scared because I can't keep quite ... Screaming and twitching like a porn star..."
Try making deep, guttural noises instead of high pitched sounds. Moans, groans and heavy breathing not only encourage your partner, but they help you get lost in the moment and build your own arousal. Lying there like a quiet, frozen body isn't going to do anything for either of you! Why would you even want to do that? People want to know that the other person is enjoying themselves, and responding to what's happening. What are you referring to as "just take it"? Is he causing you pain? Responding to what is happening, how you're feeling, is what will make you a better lover, and it will allow you to stop thinking yourself out of a good place. If you think you looked or sounded funny, then feel free to giggle about it afterwards -- the human body can take on some rather odd poses when experiencing that much pleasure. Of course, if he is causing you pain, you need to speak up about that, but I'm not gathering that pain is a problem from your post. Have you thought about having a glass of wine or a drink prior to having sex? I wouldn't encourage you to get drunk, but if you learn to relax and enjoy what's happening, it can only make things better for both of you.
my partner in the siggy exchange
I'm older than you but I also have a bf who is much, much, much more experienced than me.
Hi Mellow Yellow,
You've received some great advice from the others who've replied. I just have one other suggestion. I'm not sure from your original post, but I get the idea that perhaps you've never had an orgasm? If that is the case, then you should definitely learn how to pleasure yourself. You'll be better able to anticipate your reaction when you climax from masturbation rather than from your BF stimulating you, and you will also learn what works and doesn't work for you so you can share that with him later.
Find some time (at least an hour, preferably two) when you can be alone, undisturbed, put on some music, close the windows and start exploring your own body. You don't need toys for this, just some lube and your own fingers for starters. You'll figure out what feels good and hopefully get more comfortable with your own body and sexuality. Good luck!
BTW, I got a good laugh from your line about screaming and twitching like a porn star with Tourette's!
… Em
As the previous poster asked, have you ever had an orgasm?