im new at this and confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2005
im new at this and confused
3
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 4:38pm
Im 18 and i have been with the same boyfriend for 6 months now but i have been good friends with him for years now... so we know eachother very well. since we have been dating we do alot of things like oral sex and other types of forplay. my problem is that i always "cum" first and then get very tired and turned off when i continue oral sex or whatever im doing to him... it take shim at least 2 hours to cum and i dont think i could last that long.. recently we had sex for the first time ( both of our first times) it was awkward and i couldnt cum and got turned off.. i wanted it to end and he seemed to want to keep going we stopped after 2 hours and neither one of us orgasmed.. why is this. whats wrong with me? How can i help him cum faster?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 4:49pm

there's nothing wrong with you.

I'm wondering if your b/f knows that you want him to cum faster? Have you ever told him? Some men believe that women want them to last for ages, and you've got to tell them if it's not the case.

I would also suggest that he cut back on the amount of time he spends masturbating. He's probably very tuned to the feeling of his own hand and has trouble readjusting to yours. Not only that, but if he's orgasmed on the day before he sees you, it will take him longer to cum.

Lastly, condoms can impede sensitivity on some men. My DH can't orgasm if he's wearing one.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 4:52pm

Hi graciea.

I think the ladies here would likely have better words for you than I would, but here's my two cents anyway for what its worth.

You are VERY normal, so chill. In fact, you likely made many couples "jealous" just be saying that you sessions last longer than 5 minutes, LOL! Keep that in mind, alright?

Some guys take longer and some don't. In fact, sometimes I can't hold it for longer than 10 minutes, and other times I can't get the darn thing out no matter what, LOL! Many times thats just the way it is. 2 hours?! Sounds like a perfectly healthy lad to THIS 30 something year old, THATs for sure.

Also, once you've orgasmed, or ANY of us for that matter, then YES you are very naturally expected to get tired and out of it afterwards, even if he's still going. No problem, very normal. Some ladies actually get MORE excited after a short breather and are just too hyper to keep still, some want even MORE sex on top of that, then there's others who's bodies the rest. Very normal.

As always, if I'm wrong, don't worry, these ladies will correct me, LOL!

Anyway, what you COULD do is find out what actually sets his orgasms off more quickly. Does he respond faster or more intensely to certain positions? How about going down on him? Here's my point, whatever that 'faster' way is, maybe you could harness your energy on that and then try to balance out when you're ready and when he is that much closer to being ready to orgasm.

Sounds hectic and all, but its actually the most effective way for many many couples out there in your situation, so I figured I'd share that idea with ya at least. Hope the other replies can help you.

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 5:07pm

You two need to learn to talk to each other about this stuff. If you don't want to go on for two hours, then DON'T. He can finish himself if that's what it takes.

First time Intercourse is usually not that exciting for either partner, because you're both nervous. And nervousness doesn't make for good sex. By the way, it's intercourse.....everything you do and have done before is sex. Intercourse is just one part of the sexual experience.

When you decided to "do it".....did you just go for it immediately instead of taking a long time for foreplay? If so, that's part of the problem. EVERYONE needs foreplay to get aroused properly and relaxed. You don't give up foreplay when you decide to start having intercourse.

You also might be like most women, and not have orgasms from intercourse. You need clitoral stimulation during intercourse to have orgasms if you're like 80% of women. Does he know that? Did you know that? You had no problem having an orgasm from oral sex, because that's stimulating your clitoris, which is your REAL sexual organ, not your vagina.

You both need to understand more about how a woman's body works. Both of you should check out www.the-clitoris.com and learn all the facts.

It takes time for sex to be good, because you both have to get over being nervous, and learn each other's needs and rhythms.

And guess what, someday, if and when you're with another man, it will be the same learning process all over again, because everyone is different. It doesn't make any difference if it's your first partner, or your 10th. It's all new, and you have to learn all about the new partner.

Relax and enjoy the process, and don't worry about the orgasms & climaxes. Time will take care of that.