Im pregnant

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Im pregnant
9
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 2:35am

as far as the e.p.t pregnancy test says-- 2 lines equals PREGNANT!.. and uhm i cried. i told my partner and he's more scared than i am, more than the less, hes happy, but we still arent both ready. im 18, hes 20..i will be 19 November. im going to planned parenthood as soon i can get an appt. to be FOR sure. i know for sure i wont have an abortion i just cant.. but my mother is strict on me and boys, although im about to be 19, thats just how she is. Is there any way anyone has advice on how i can tell her ? im more afraid of her... than having a baby.
aAaaAaAaAh.... in need of real advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: naleiya
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 8:23am

Before you tell her, you need to have some firm plans in place. And the father to be should be there too with you, to assume some of the responsibility. You don't just dump it on her "Mom, I'm pregnant" without being able to tell her more. You and he need to figure out exactly what you're going to do as far as providing everything your child needs, where you will live, etc.

Things such as how you are going to afford clothing, diapers, formula (if you don't nurse), medicines, Dr visits, food, crib, car seat, etc etc for the the next umpteen years. Do you have a job? Does the father? Are you going to move in with him? If not, how are you going to pay your share of the expenses in your mother's home? As an adult and parent, it's not fair to let her pay everything in the way of rent or mortgage, utilities, for you and YOUR child. Who will take care of the child when you return to work? How will you pay for things when you're not working right after delivery, will you and BF have enough saved to get you through an unpaid maternity leave?

You need to have all these answers and plans in place before you talk to your mother. It's devastating when your teen daughter tells you she's pregnant, I know. BTDT. All the things you wanted for her have suddenly shifted and things are going to become a lot harder. She's not going to get to do a lot of the things that most teens do, anymore. So get your plans in place with the father and then talk to her together. Best of luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: naleiya
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 8:34am

I agree with Tally, you and your b/f have to sit down together and plan out how you are going to handle this before talking to your mother.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: naleiya
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 12:12pm
Should have added that actually since you're what? 18? 19? you're legally an adult and there isn't really much say that mom has in this, unless you're planning on her supporting you and your child. In which case, I'd have to say, make other plans. You're an adult now, you've just taken on a HUGE adult responsibility - the care and raising of another human being - and while I understand the hesistance on telling mom (and how she will react), you're a big girl now, so act accordingly. At this age, while telling your mother is common courtesy, the ball is really in your court now. Make your plans, get prenatal care and start getting ready for life as you know it to change drastically.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
In reply to: naleiya
Sun, 09-18-2005 - 12:31pm

IME - Pregnancy tests dont give false positives only false Negatives.

I'd be pretty sure at this point that you are pregnant. You made your bed, now you have to lie in it... buck up and tell your mom and dont expect her to be happy, also dont expect her to hold your hand and provide for you and your child.

I had my first child when I was 19... difference is I was married before I became pregnant, had my own home, car, job etc...

#1 priority, Get a JOB, even a temp one and start saving every penny you can lay your hands on.

#2 Be prepared to lose all your freedoms in 9 months. babies dont care if you are tired or if you want to be alone or to go out with friends...

you grew up too fast, and I know what you are in for and its hard. GL.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: naleiya
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 1:54pm

Just be absolutely certain you're pregnant before you tell her, unless you want her to be even more restrictive and concerned about your sexual activity! This will be very painful for her as a parent, so try and understand her reaction, whatever it may be.

Just tell her straight out as soon as you know for sure because you need good prenatal care for a healthy baby. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
In reply to: naleiya
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 4:11pm
Congratulations..... I had my first at 15 and the father was 23. He wasn't ready to be a father and wanted me to have an abortion at first....I broke up with him but after a couple days he told me he was sorry to even suggest such a thing and we got back together. Truthfully I wasn't ready to be a Mom either but abortion just wasn't something I could bring myself to do. My Mom was about the same way as yours sounds. I just came right out and said I was pregnant, all she said was what are you going to do and how are you going to take care of it. I said I'm having it. She was upset but she got over it quick, I mean what else could she do disown me and her grandchild? She knew what kind of person that would make her, so she just accepted it. Even though your young if you have the partying phase over (which I partied enough for a 30 year old at 13) in my opinion young parents relate to their kids more. I would just straight out tell her. She'll probably be upset for a while but hell your pregnant there's nothing anyone can do about it but you. She'll get over it. DON'T LET ANYONE INFLUENCE YOUR OPINION ON HAVING IT OR NOT. Yeah you're life will change for ever. If your not a career oriented person, a child is something to look forward to, a reason to live. The way my sister told my Mom......We were out shopping and were looking at baby clothes and my sister picked out a little outfit and was like I'm buying this. My Mom said well you should wait until your pregnant. My sister said OK and put it in the shopping cart. Lol not the best way but it worked.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
In reply to: naleiya
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 7:29pm
congratulations Listen I understand 100% what you are going through i got pregnant at 19 The person I was afraid to tell was my father . yes it is going to be rough but I hate to brake the news to everyone it is just at tough at 19 as it at 30. Make sure that you are pregnant . Talk everything over with your boyfriend . I waited until I was four months pregnant to tell my father but he knew before that . He just wanted me to tell him first . and yes I did live with my parents at that time and I actually stayed with them until my son was 2 .I got married after my son was born My husband my son and myself slept in one room but we were able to save some money. Definetly get a job if you dont have one. But make sure they know that you are pregnant b/c you will be out of work for 6-8wks after the baby is born. What me and my husband did was he worked days and I worked nights No child care to pay. Granted you may not see each other as much but it will save you lots of money in the end. I did that until my second son was 4 years old . I undertand your mother may be upset initally but she will get over it when she sees her grandchild for the first time And yes you are an adult but if you are still living with your parents it is different. This is a scary time but and exciting one it will be hard but enjoy it while you can b/c time goes by fast .My oldest son will me 9 in a few months 9 and I still remember the first day he was born. Good luck and I wish you the best...................
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
In reply to: naleiya
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 9:31am

One thing I remembered being counseled in the mentor groups for those who were also in your position...was that this is truly between you and bf. Again, just my humble point of view.

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: naleiya
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 10:05am

If you'll read the post under health issues, it's already done. There has been an abortion.




Edited 9/22/2005 10:07 am ET ET by dakine001