I'm in a sex rut help!
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I'm in a sex rut help!
| Wed, 10-10-2007 - 5:00am |
My boyfriend of a year and a half told me i've begun to not do much in bed anymore. What are good ways to spice up the sex and for me to show him i'm involved?

Welcome to the board caitthegreat66.
Sex can get stale in a relationship, but it takes both partners to reignite the sparks. I say that because you shouldn't have to swing from chandeliers to make him happy -- whatever is happening should be stimulating for both of you. Sometimes just stepping out of the bedroom, initiating a sexual encounter, doing something a little shocking will start a new chapter in your sexual development. The number one thing that most guys want in bed is their partner to enjoy herself -- and for him to be able to tell that. Here are a few ideas of easy things you can do. I have found the more I get into these sorts of things, the more new things I am willing to try -- and the more both of us responds sexually.
- moans, groans and a smile on your face
- sexy phone calls, text messages or e-mails
- provoking his senses in public -- going commando, showing extra cleavage, a see thru blouse, etc.
- great him at the front door, in the kitchen, on the balcony, etc. wearing something sexy and taking control of him.
- set the stage for the type of encounter you want -- candles, bubbles, wine, music, etc.
- make a love pit in the middle of the living room floor -- just blankets, pillows and props.
- perform a striptease, a lap dance or give him a sensual massage
Hopefully you'll find something on the list that you're comfortable starting with. Pull the tricks out of your pocket slowly so that you are creating new, special memories, over a period of time instead of all at once. You don't want to put yourself in a position of being a performer and having to always better your best to keep him interested.
Here are a few articles that you might find helpful too:
3 Ways to Unleash Your Inner Hottie
http://love.ivillage.com/lnm/lnmgetcloser/0,,s2b3,00.html
Recharge Your Relationship in One Weekend
http://love.ivillage.com/lnm/lnmgetcloser/0,,traceycox_9g1dp3qn,00.html
Make Him Crave You
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsunderstandmen/whathewants/0,,hp6c,00.html
Five Steps to Being a Brilliant Lover
http://traceycox.ivillage.com/love/2007/06/five_steps_to_being_a_brillian.html
Mostly, have fun experimenting and try to keep things spontaneous and fresh. Keep us posted on how things are going.
my partner in the siggy exchange
What do you do to be involved in bed?
Have you changed anything? Have you felt him withdrawing in other aspects of your relationship?
You do not mention your age, but why not just ask him? If you have not changed anything, why would he say this?
If it were me, I would set up an evening to spoil him rotten, and then take it from there. Make him his favorite meal; give him a bath or take a shower with him and wash him. Give him an oil massage while you're both naked or semi-naked (rubbing him seemingly unintentionally with parts of your body). Make him relax and not feel as though he has to perform and then proceed to oral, manual, and riding him perhaps. Stimulating yourself in front of him, along the way.
My guess is, that he's probably looking to up the sex. He probably wants you to be more assertive and explore some things you haven't yet tried or he thinks you may feel are taboo.
Simply put, do not ignore these signals. He is trying to tell you something. Open up the channels for communication (perhaps in bed after the above) and ask *him* what he is interested in.
We are **all** responsible for our own orgasms. If he can't communicate what he wants, or what's eating him, then he can't blame anyone but himself. You don't *give* him orgasms, you help him get there - same for you.
Good luck.