I'm very nervous about this
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I'm very nervous about this
| Wed, 06-27-2007 - 12:14pm |
I have been very good friends with this guy
for a long time, and our friendship has
grown into love.
He wants more than to be just friends and
I told him no - I don't want to ruin our
friendship. Then he "dumped" me 2 weeks ago.
we still
see each other a little bit, but we don't
spend the whole weekend together like before.
We are both very sad and crying, and now I
think I do want to be his girlfriend, but
I'm so nervous about kissing him and being
intimate. I don't know why I'm so nervous.
I always am with someone new but I'm extra
nervous when it's him.
Has anyone else had this anxiety?
Any replies at all will be appreciated.
I just had to get this off my chest

Do you only want to be his gf because you aren't seeing him as much? Just because you miss what it was you had going, isn't a good reason to go against your first instincts.
It'll never be what it was. He put himself out there telling you he wanted more & you turned him down. Are you nervous that you'll go to kiss him & he'll turn you down, maybe for spite?
Speak to him if you are very good friends. "I'm nervous & unsure, this is all new to me. I might make more mistakes, but I'd like to try."
A story: A bf told me the L-word one night, & it shocked me, so I made a joke to deflect my uncertainty. He was hurt. We continued to date after that, but eventually it fizzled. I tried to keep it going, because it was all I knew. After a time, we were able to be friends, & I would go out with him & his new dates. But the "incident" would still come up, he would mention it.
So the point of the story is: You can't go back, only move ahead & learn from mistakes.
Maybe your uncertainty is that you know he's not "right" for you in the BF department, but you don't know anyone else you get on with as well as him.
Try to discover the WHY of your actions.
tulips reply to you was very good. Lot of good advice in there. As for being nervous about approaching him in a different manner (kissing and such), I am always nervous in a new encounter with someone I like. I want to make a good impression and, I am always slightly afraid that I won't. But I just strive to be myself and if they don't like me that way then they aren't for me in any case!
This man already apparently cares a lot about you. If you truly do care about him and miss him tell him just like tulips suggested. Then get the kiss over with and be yourself! That is all he wanted right ... the person that he knows you are!
Good luck and keep us posted.
Welcome to the board sparklesnowangel.
I'm a little confused by your post, and I imagine you are a little confused by the shift in feelings within this friendship. You mention that it has "grown into love". What kind of love has it grown into for you? There is a great difference between platonic love and romantic love.
If you truly do want to maintain a friendship with this person, and do not feel the romantic kind of love for him, then I suggest you be there for him as you always have been. I'm thinking his pride is a little hurt because of rejection. Once he realizes that you still treasure your friendship, you still feel the same about him, he will be able to resume your friendship -- providing he treasured it as much as you did. Could be that he always had romantic feelings, just took long time letting you in on that.
If you feel that your feelings have changed for him, then you will never know where your relationship could end up unless you give this next step a try. The worst that could happen is that he would reject you. If he has changed his mind, rejects you, or something similar, than chances are he doesn't have the same feelings as you anyway -- whether it's about friendship or love.
Good luck with your decision. Let us know how things work out.
my partner in the siggy exchange
It is only natural to be nervous with new encounters, especially ones that you already have some emotional connection. Don’t let that deter you; it’s just the stepping stone for bigger and better things. A moment of pain could lead to a lifetime of happiness…. as they say…..but even if it doesn’t, it will be an experience that I’m sure will make you smile…there is never a reason to regret a smile!
Good luck!