importance of your wedding vows
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importance of your wedding vows
| Wed, 08-18-2004 - 2:48am |
I'm raising this topic following on from the "open marriage" discussion and numerous past discussions about cheating.
The standard marriage vows contain the words "forsake all others", "through good times and bad" and "til death do us part".

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Falling out of love?
We had dated on and off for 10 years, but spent time apart to travel overseas etc, etc. We always seemed to come back to one another in the end though. Finally after being together for two years continuously and living together we decided that we were at a stage where we wanted to get married.
We had a big wedding, an overseas honeymoon and it was all over 7 months later with her telling me (the day Princess Diana was killed) that she no longer loved me and wanted me to move out. A week later bank accounts were changed, I was out of the house temporarily bunking with friends and I had very little money or property to call mine. I never did find out the reasons why.
But with hindsight it seems that she had always been a girl that liked the finer things in life even though we were both from modest backgrounds and families. Her mother had remarried to a man that owned a shipping company a few years earlier. I still like him and he was very down-to-earth and modest with his money. However there was always the 'idea' that riches were there to be had with him. My wife got promoted shortly before the wedding and she began to make $20 000 a year more than me with my modest lower management job ( I was working up the ranks). With our lifestyle I had literally $30 or $40 dollars a week left to myself after expenses; yet she began to insist that we socialise and do and have expensive things and pay 50/50 for them. I couldn't keep up on my salary.
I remember one Friday she suggested that we go to a nearby village and have a romantic night away. I agreed but said I only had $50 to my name - not enough to pay for the expenses of the night. We couldn't afford to go. She was annoyed and promptly went out that evening with her sister and came home with $500 worth of new clothes instead. It was about then that I realised we had some problems. Especially when I found out from a firend that my wife was saying that I never wanted to do anything and insisted on sitting at home, playing on the computer. I was upset because I wanted to go out, I could just never afford anything she wanted to do. As for the computer? Well, our sex life had died and she barely wanted to talk to me. Everytime I tried to discuss it with her, she insisted that she was behaving like she was because she was either tired with the stresses of the new management job or that she was convinced that we were just going through 'a phase'. Hindsight of course makes all this seem clear. Not so clear at the time.
In the end, she was sleeping with one of her managers at work. She dumped me and got rid of me. It hurt and it sucked and even now it still prickles.
People change - that's inevitable. It's communication that keeps things together though.
Westie, do you mind if I ask why your bank accounts weren't combined?
Robin
We had a combined account that all the household bills and many extras (including nights away if the funds were in there) came out of. The bulk of our salaries were paid into that account but a smaller amount was left in our own personal accounts - I could buy that CD I didn't really need, she could buy that Revlon Lip Gloss that was essential for her.
Worked quite well in the respect that we did have a small amount of discretionary income for personal wants and needs that didn't require consultation with the other person.
The problem with name changing occurred because we had individual signing rights on the main account. Stopped the problem with cheques needing two signatures. Unfortunately it also meant that changes to the account could be made by one person.
The account worked fine when we were both making similar incomes and contributing similar amounts to the main account. The problem occurred when she began to make considerably more but still insisted that I still contribute equally. I would end up with basically nothing in my personal account and everything that I made went to the bulk account; meanwhile her personal account still had quite a bit in it. She desired a high living standard and generally all the money was spent in the bulk account. I'm not sure that I understand her logic with that either. I guess that the view of combinined finances was the one fundamental difference between us.
A good example of her logic was when we discussed splitting kitchen appliances fairly when breaking up. We had contributed equally to purchase a new fridge. Her step-father had bought us a new washing machine and dryer as a wedding present. I suggested that a fair split was that I take the fridge and she take the washing machine and dryer or vice versa. She refused, saying that I wouldn't even have had the washing machine and dryer if it hadn't been for her, and her stepfather. She said that she would take all of them and pay me about half the secondhand value of the fridge because it had been used for almost 12 months (I'm still waiting for the payment....)
Well, this is a subject I could ramble on about for ages! I'll stop now and won't bore you any more with it. :-)
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