Impotence

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2005
Impotence
6
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 7:38pm
I need to know how to deal with a 1st bout of impotence my boyfriend suffered from today. We were out in the park--woods actually & this occured. I am feeling it's me-he is feeling he could not satisfy me & remarked perhaps it's the atmosphere--worrying of someone coming along where we were. He did remark this could tear us apart, my feelings that I am the reason why. He has never had this before, he is usually very very aroused as well as very sexual with me. How can I not feel it is me, that I was unable to keep him aroused enough for intercourse? He was very very concerned about my feelings, that I do not feel it's me yet it's hard to do. I know as a man it has to be embarrassing.How do I approach him & assure him I am there for him in this?I am afraid the next time it will happen out of the need to prove it was a one time occurance.It had been several weeks since we'd been intimate due to schedule conflicts which added to our frustration. He claims there is nothing wrong--as in our relationship, etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: sval36
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 8:05pm

This happened once, there is NOTHING


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
In reply to: sval36
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 8:30pm

I agree with tish - This is an uneducated responce to a one time occurance in a situation where most people are preoccupied. You were in a public place!!!

Dont make this about you, and dont make him feel bad over something he could not control in a abnormal situation.

If you do make this a big deal, it will become a big deal. If it happens repeatedly, like more than 4 or 5 times in a short period of time, he may want to have a phsical, in the mean time its totally normal and nothing to worry about.

Dont sweat the small stuff, and its all small stuff.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: sval36
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 11:39pm

I agree with the others. You are totally over reacting to something that is completely normal! ONE incident is not "impotence". There is not a man alive that hasn't "lost it" on more than one occasion. I doubt there are many men who could keep an erection in a public place like a park.....where at any time, someone could walk up on you!

You say the "1st bout of impotence" as though it was a fatal disease. That reminds me of the woman who introduces her husband as her "1st husband" as though there was another one lined up for the future! How do you approach him and let him know you "are there for him"????? Again, this isn't a fatal disease, it's a ONE TIME occurance! The best thing you can do it just forget about it, because the more you put pressure on him about it, particularly if you're acting like it's an indication of his lack of feeling for you, or of a problem in the relationship, you're going to just stress him out to the point that it will become a "self fulfilling prophecy". He'll be so worried that it will happen again, and set you off again, that it WILL happen again.

This has nothing to do with you.....or his feelings for you, or anything else about you. This is HIS erection, for which you are not responsible, HE is. You do not "keep" him aroused, he does that all by himself.

The best thing you can do is NOTHING! Forget about it! And, if it ever happens again, which it WILL......all you have to do is help him get it back again, any way you can..and enjoy doing it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2005
In reply to: sval36
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 9:38am

you tell him the way you told us that you will be there for him etc. did you say you were outdoors? a park woods? was there perhaps a chance of being seen or discovered? anxiety, worry, fear? by the way are you protected? i sound like i should be your mom, lol. all those could effect that thing that causes a man great deal of pride and pain.

kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2005
In reply to: sval36
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 1:08pm
Yes, we were outdoors-yes I guess I sensed he appeared a bit restrained due to you could hear people in the distance.He atually made light of it and said it was the elevation--we had climbed up quite a steep hillside.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
In reply to: sval36
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 8:36pm

Hi sval36:

As Tish stated: "This happened once, there is NOTHING to be concerned about. Men are not machines that when you say up, it's up. The more either one of you make a big deal out of it, it WILL become a problem."

A guy can NOT have an erection because of: stress, medication being taken, fear of being caught during the sex act, the weather (outdoors), etc. I had a problem with erections because the stress of my job. My wife thought it was her...it was NOT my wife!

You 2 need to keep touching each other. Give each other feet and leg massages. DON'T put so much concern about sex performance.
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Mac