Iniciating Sex
Find a Conversation
Iniciating Sex
| Sat, 09-24-2005 - 2:18pm |
Hi everyone!!!
I'm in a two and a half year relationship. I need some new ideas to seduce my man. I'm very self concious and don't like my body at all. Just started a diet and already lost 2kg and are getting more confident every day. Can't get myself to have sex with the lights on or in the day... need some way of getting confident enough to try it out. Seeing that i'm always horny and he sometimes need a bit of a 'invitation' and convincing... I need to spice things up, or i'd get bored!
Any ideas?
Any will do, very despirate...
Thanks a mil
Liezl

Hey liezlvr,
I sent you a message, hope you get it.
Jus to add to the message I sent - Dont get hung up on your body!! Your Man is with you because he thinks your wonderful and attractive!! Dont second guess yourself!
It sounds like you are doing things to make yourself feel better and that is great! In the mean time be proud of what you have and do things for yourself that make you feel sexy.
The best thing you can do for your sex life is to feel good about yourself! Turn those lights On, and if you just cant bring yourself to turn them on Light some candles or throw an extra shade over a lamp, the shadows do nothing but Flatter your body and Let you see your partner and how much he is enjoying sex with you! Sometimes knowing just how much your partner is enjoying your body is a great confidence booster.
and if its your weight that is ruining your confidence try to remember - Stick Figures may be popular on TV but Real women DO have curves. Often times those curves and pooches are what really turns our Partners on.
I agree with allbluff.......you're worrying for nothing. There's not a woman alive that has a perfect body.....even the porn stars. Even those who work out every day....even they will find something about themselves to criticize.
Do you think for one minute that your b/f doesn't know what your body looks like, even in the dark? Of course he does. And he likes it, and would probably like it much better if he could see it, and see the pleasure on your face when he's doing something nice to your body!
Would you even want to be with someone who loved you only because you had a perfect body? Guys don't care about little imperfections, or a few extra pounds.....in fact they usually don't even notice them.
As allbluff said, start out with some candles....and progress to full light, and/or daytime sex. You'll like it much better yourself, because you won't be thinking about your body, you'll be enjoying watching him!
Had a few thoughts to add:
Whenever I've felt low about my body it effects my interactions with everyone around me including my husband. With this in mind even on my bad days I try to keep my head up and my shoulders back, Its amazing how much more positive all your relationships are when You are confident and sure of yourself.
Every once in awhile as vain as it may sound I'll just look at my husband and say "Hey babe, Guess what? ... I'm one hot momma! Just thought you should know!" Its mainly joking around, but I can tell my husband likes hearing me be proud of what I have, not seeing or hearing me feel bad about stuff I'm not happy with.
Rather than asking him how I look in a certain dress or Jeans - I say things like "Hey babe, Did you notice How Nice these pants hug my butt?" I fished for my compliment but didnt put him on the spot or make him responsible for making me feel good about the way I look. Dont ask him how you look, Tell him how you look!
Before you can comfortable being naked in front of others you have to be comfortable with your body on your own. Grab a full length mirror sometime and stand in front of it in your bedroom. Rather than poking at things you dont like and trying to suck it in, look at all the nice things about your body, Heck Even pose or model a bit in front of the mirror and see which movements and positions you think look really sexy. Experiment with the lighting in your bedroom, light a few candles or drape a few lamps with scarves and see what effect it has. Than maybe next time You are feeling shy about your naked body in front of your man you will recall those certain movements and ways you held yourself that made you feel sexy, and do those in front of him. Set up your love nest before he comes home from work some time include the lighting you tried out, wear that sexy new bra - Or Hell Greet him at the door Naked with candles all over the house!!
Oh and this might be a fun idea even with the lights off or just a candle or 2 lit. Fairly simple but all the same... Get a nice smelling Massage Oil and bring it to bed one night. Rub Your Partners back/chest/ Thighs/ butt and Penis - Put some oil on yourself too and let him rub it on you. Let him explore your body with the massage oils. Rub Your Oiled up body against his as well. the sensation is very nice and relaxing and is always a wonderful way to get things started in a erotic and intimate way.
Edited 9/24/2005 7:01 pm ET ET by allbluff
Dear Allbluff
Thanks so much!!!
Will try the candles, even if i start with only one... at least it's a start!!!
Any tips on what to do? Just think i'll be so stressed with the lights on i wouldn't know what to do? How about the message oil? Any special kind i should get? And were can i get it? at a pharmacy?
Thanks for your help!!
Means a lot =:)
Regards
Liezl
You can get massage oil almost anywhere - walmart/kmart has some KY massage Oils That are pretty good... I got some at walmrt - Several different scents to choose from. I like the musky scented ones - Like Vanilla. Use Plenty - Get nice and slippery and Rub your partner all over, let him rub you too.
Your man has been touching your body for awhile now and even in the dark he knows what it looks like so dont be afriad to light a candle or 2 and let him see it too. Men are very visual creatures so you can be sure even a candle or 2 worth of shadowy light is going to be an improvement.
slippery oiled up skin creates a really nice feel during sex and foreplay. Dont be afriad to use the oils on your hand and massage his penis. Maybe Start out giving him Oral Sex, leave no part of his body untouched.
Once you get started and get into it I doubt I'll be much help! lol, Do what comes natural and try to throw in a few new tricks here and there. When You start having intercourse get on top of him!! He'll love you taking control. dont worry about what you look like, concern yourself instead on the pleasure you are getting and of course giving.
Remember, candlelight can make even a Macaroni and cheese dinner romantic, So what do you think a few candles will do for your body?? Soft flickering light will carress and Flatter your curves and what it does reveal to your partner is just enough to tease him and make him want to see more. You also get the benefit of seeing his face and body, being able to see your partners expression during sex will help you see how much he is enjoying each act and of course your body.
I'm inspired, I think tonight I'll flip on all the bedroom lights and have a romp with my man, it'll be fun to see EVERYTHING - Thats what being intimate is all about! Trust your partner and have faith even when you feel vulnerable.
Liezl, I have bad body image problems, so I know how you feel.
Candlelight is great because you're still slightly obscured, but you can see. It helps me feel like my cellulite is less noticeable :)
When you do decide to try it with some lights on or during the day, wear some sexy lingerie during the act. That way, you'll still feel sexy, but still be slightly covered. I hope this helps.
I like your advise... you can wear a sexy bra or some other bits of lingerie that flatters your body... If the lingerie ends up coming off GREAT If It Doesnt, no big deal, Its still revealing and tantalizing all the same.
However you choose to go about it, just continue to try new things... once you are comfortable with some cnadlelight try putting a string of x-mas lights in your bedroom - They create a lovely glow and are a bit brighter as well... go slow but remember to keep getting closer to your goal.. and that is to be able to let lose of your inhibitions and have fun in any light.