Initiating sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
Initiating sex
11
Mon, 11-21-2005 - 9:35pm

This is really beginning to bother me and I need to vent about this. My friends are so into their own relationships, they're totally being of no help at all.

My bf have been together for a year and 8 months. Things have gone well for us sexually, we're both experiemental and our libido's have meshed well.

The problem I have with this stems beyond our sexual relationship. It's been a reoccuring problem since we began the relationship.

Basically, my bf is really selfish and I help support that selfishness by the things I do.(This is the main issue) In regards to sex, he never shows me that he wants me. He'll do things like peek at my thong or try to look down my shirt. But he never just initiates sex. He sits there and literally WAITS for me to initiate it. And one time I didn't and about an hour before his parents usually come home he finally tried to. But he's so used to things falling in his lap. He's so used to things going his way all the time; accomodating his wants and needs, that he never seeks or pursues anything. This is how he was before and he's still like this.

I'm so torn because there's my ex bf and these other guys that I don't even remotely care about as much I do him, who pursue me relentlessly (not sexually). They'll do anything to be with me! And then my boyfriend doesn't even show me that he wants to have sex with me?? I KNOW he does. But I HATE that I always give in. I ALWAYS initiate first and if I don't we won't do anything sexually at all! It drives me nuts.

I sit here and think about this and I can't make sense of why I've ALWAYS had to give in. For everything, for our prom, for our trip in montreal, for SO many other things. I've talked to him about this. I told him I'm not giving in anymore. If I wanna do something I'm doing it and I don't care if that's what he wants anymore because he's just pushed me too much. he admits that he's used to ppl doing what he wants. But I STILL give in when it comes to sex. I want a man to WANT me, I want a man to show me that he wants me and I don't want him to WAIT until I SAY I wanna have sex. I know it might sound stupid and I feel so bad for being so annoyed at him but I can't help it. If a man is comfortable with you and you've been together for a while, shouldn't you BOTH be able to say "Hun you look amazing, I totally want you right now." "Get upstairs."...stuff like that? I'm just so tired of being the initiator all the time.

Sorry, I'm probably rambling but I just needed to vent.

Ta ta.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: smashie19
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 9:17am

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