Is internet sex always wrong?
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| Thu, 06-28-2007 - 2:42pm |
Oh I am so confused. I am in a very happy marriage, though I am no longer that interested in initiating sex with my husband. My sex drive is so low. No doubt pretty common for people who have 4 kids and have been married 12 years. The butterflies are gone, it feels pretty routine and boring.
So he's been out of town for 10 days and one night, while I was ovulating and feeling frisky, I logged on to an adult chat room. I entered into a flirty but initially benign, conversation with a guy. Well, one thing let to another in a private chat and well, you know.... Obviously it was not real sex. But it was so exciting and fun. I'm feeling terribly guilty about it, though I know my DH will benefit from this. (I feel like I've regained a little of my mojo.)
I have chatted with this guy two more times with the same end result and a third time that was strictly platonic. I am wondering how any of you feel about internet sex. Is there ever an acceptable situation for it? Just curious. I couldn't possibly ask anyone I know IRL about this for obvious reasons. Thoughtful responses are appreciated.

Whether it's right or wrong depends on each individual couple.
Welcome to the board towheads_mom.
Tish has already given you some great advice. I agree that the decision about right or wrong comes down to what is acceptable in your relationship. I also think that putting the shoe on the other foot is a great way to "define" what is right or wrong for you.
That being said, I'm not sure that I would confess this to your DH, unless you plan to continue having conversation and/or cyber-sex with this man. I'm very much an honest person, but I think that telling your DH about this might just make him feel guilty or hurt for no reason. If you do want to continue having conversations with this man on-line, then it is definitely an "affair" unless you discuss it with your DH and both agree that you can continue. Many couples live in open relationships, others use internet sex as a way to enhance their own relationships, and in both cases, the couple sets boundaries for the activity as they see fit.
Obviously, you have found that your libido isn't eternally missing, which is a good thing. I'm sure it also stirred emotions of what you've been missing in your relationship. You can't fix what's missing alone, but you certainly can do some homework to do your part in reconnecting with your DH. Chances are, you will find a willing partner in him.
I agree that it's common for couples to get caught up in life and forget about each other. While you do have responsibilities and demands, you also have a responsibility to each other to keep the intimate part of your relationship alive and well. If you nurture that part of your relationship, then you should find that your libido responds as well.
A board that you might also want to visit is called Cyber-Cheating & Emotional Affairs. Here's a link if you want to visit:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlemotional
my partner in the siggy exchange