Intimacy vs. Sexual intimacy-frustrated

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Intimacy vs. Sexual intimacy-frustrated
7
Wed, 06-18-2008 - 5:20pm

I'm so confused.


So...I have intimacy with my b/f, but I don't feel like I can have sexual intimacy with him because I don't see him enough.


We both are very busy.

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Wed, 06-18-2008 - 5:46pm

If you both get up at 4:30 anyway, why do you have to leave? Do you have kids?


What about dinner at home? Leaves more time for intimate sex, it cuts out the driving time. Pick slippery, sensual foods, oysters & strawberries. Feed each other, gaze into each others eyes or whatever, touch & massage. Dime the lights & eat on the floor, like a living room picnic & then do it right there on the floor or the couch.


Make it a progression towards intimacy, not a switch. Let them flow together, not two seperate

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Wed, 06-18-2008 - 6:31pm

All sex can be intimate...it depends on your mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Wed, 06-18-2008 - 8:30pm

I get it now. That is it....it

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 06-18-2008 - 9:46pm

(((((M I S S Y))))).

I know you've been through a lot, and still have a ways to go, but it may be that he's not enough for you. I do think you're holding back, and I suppose that could make it more difficult for him too, but there has to be compromise in all healthy relationships.

Have you thought about joining him some for fishing? Even if it's not an activity you think you'll enjoy, having the time to spend with him might be good for both of you. It would also give you some time for the intimate feelings you are seeking. The entire process of love making starts way before you hit the bedroom. It could be that he's not used to that -- that he just switches from one gear to the other, but that doesn't mean he can't learn to be that way.

He's been patient and caring for a long time, which says a lot about his commitment to making things work and how he feels about you. Guys are often wired differently about sex, and a wham bam might be all he needs, but that doesn't mean he can't be working up to that point in a way that makes you feel all the things you're seeking.

Since you both get up so early for work, is there a way that you can both try to make sure you have all the extra energy you can muster for date night? Maybe make sure your chores and obligations are out of the way on Monday .... rest up and relax on Tuesday, and have lots of energy on Wednesday?

Tulips had a great recommendation with the dinner plans too. Making that part of your experience can be a lot of fun! It's certainly a great way to start the intimacy prior to the actual sex ... even preparing the meal together can be helpful there.

I don't know if you keep notes about what you would like to discuss with your therapist, but I think it would be great to jot these things down as the month progresses. That way, you won't forget by the time you get there, and you might see that some of the things connect by having them all noted in one place.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 06-19-2008 - 12:36am

I'm sure your therapist has told you this........but you need to let go of your past.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Thu, 06-19-2008 - 5:53am

Thank you all and I absolutely have to be more specific about my needs.


For a long time...I act like everything is fine and then WHAM...he doesn't know what the heck is happening.


I'm psycho - thank you for your input, something for me to ponder and learn from....and forgetting the past...its SO hard not to expect the same results...when that is what you've lived for so long...but I can work harder on that too.


Thank you

SparkleMissy

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Thu, 06-19-2008 - 6:01pm

"but I don't feel safe enough yet, in a 1/2 hour to just have "kinky" sex and leave."


Okay..I know how you feel about your past and your current situation.