An Introduction & Some Q's
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| Mon, 01-03-2005 - 6:30pm |
Hi everyone! I have been lurking for a few weeks, and decided to join yesterday. I'm new to the board, and to sex, so I have a few questions/concerns that I would like to share with y'all in hopes of getting feedback...here is some background information that will probably be helpful.
I'm almost 19, and am a virgin. I was very inexperienced until I met my current boyfriend. I just never felt comfortable enough with myself or with guys. Before my current boyfriend, the furthest I had gone was some innocent making out. My boyfriend is also fairly inexperienced, but he has had sex once. We both feel a connection with each other that we've never felt before. I'm not saying that we're Scarlett and Rhett, but what we do have is special. We both have discussed this at length, and we're both ready to have sex.
My first question is about protection. A year ago, I was put on the birth control pill to regulate my periods, so we have that. I am also making him wear a condom. He's had sex only once and used a condom that time, and he also was tested a few months after that experience just to be sure (apparently, the girl was promiscuous). Is any brand particularly better than the other? Of course, you hear a lot about Trojan, but are all condoms created equal in protection (assuming we're only discussing latex)? Also, I want to get the kind with extra lubrication. Is there anything in particular we need to look for? Any brands you may recommend?
My second concern deals with relaxation. He didn't come the first time. He's hinted that she tried BJ's and manual stimulation and still, nothing. I've had no problem giving him HJ's (I still can't get past the gag reflex, but am getting better), but I know he's nervous that he won't be able to come when we have sex. I know it's all mental on his part, but are there any special massage techniques...or anything really, that I can do to relax him a little? I know the first time isn't going to be perfect, but I want both of us to be able to enjoy it, even if he doesn't come.
My third (and final...for now) concern is that he's about an inch shorter that I am. I know in the end it doesn't make a difference, but have any of you had experiences with shorter guys? Is there anything I need to know (maybe more comfortable positions)? It's probably a dumb question, but I think sometimes his height bothers him, and again, I want us both to be comfortable.
Sorry for the long post! I'm excited to be here, and hope to learn a lot. :)

The first thing you need to do is stop worrying about details. They'll take care of themselves. This will be the first time you're together, and no matter how much experience either of you has had, the first time with a new partner is always going to be awkward, and maybe even difficult.
Let nature take it's course. DON'T make plans like......"next saturday, we'll do it." Because the pressure is then on both of you. Do what you've always done, and one day it will feel like the right time to take it further.
If it doesn't work, no biggie, you'll try again next time. As for b/c.....you're already on the pill, and if you take it correctly, since he's been tested (have you?) you really don't have to worry about condoms....but if you do, as you said yourself, one kind is as good as another kind. They do come in sizes....so he should buy them, and figure out what size he needs. As for lubrication, you can just buy some KY or Astroglide in case you need it.
As for climaxes and orgasms, DON'T worry about it. It will happen, or it won't.....and if it doesn't.....again NO BIGGIE. Sometimes it happens. No matter what happens, or doesn't happen......there's pleasure involved. Enjoy what IS happening, and don't worry about what's NOT happening. It takes time to learn each other's hotspots, and rhythms....it doesn't happen the first time, or even for several times.
Don't worry about things....because it's not going to be perfect, but as the saying goes, practice makes perfect, and in time it will be. It's only perfect in porn flicks and romance novels......both of which are fiction.
As for the height question, it just requires creativity. You will have to experiment with positions. Try having him enter you from behind you, with you on your knees. Or try having your butt right at the edge of the bed & him holding your legs or your legs on his shoulders. You are only limited by your imagination!
As for relaxation, a good, long tease & massage while avoiding his penis is a start. Begin at his ears, neck, chest stomach, work down to just before his penis. Kiss, suck, lick, everything. Then hit the other end: toes, calves, thighs....Have soft music playing with a gentle but steady bass background (like drums). You could massage him with oils, BOTH sides, top to bottom. Tell him how it feels to touch him, what you like about it. Then when you get to the main course, start slowly, but build up intensity quickly! Tell him EXACTLY what you want him to do & where & when (NOW!)! Be the BOSS! Talk dirty if it helps him. You might try drizzling chocolate, whipped cream or something similar on him & licking it off. (put a spare sheet under him first!) You can have him lie still & run a feather over him lightly, or an ice cube! Use your imagination!!!!
Hi sunshine! Thanks for choosing to delurk and post your ? here. Hope you get the info you're looking for. I'm also hoping that this will become a very active topic you started, cause I like the questions you have.
First of all, I'll sit back safely and let the others tell you their opinions of the different brands on the market. What I CAN say is that you should also keep doing an internet search for both well known and not so well known brands out there. I'd search for the comparisons of course. There may also be medical webpage or two that actually have opinions on products as well. I'll see if I can find any pages like that and post back here later this week in case other readers out there could benefit.
Yep, sounds like your gentleman may have the same good ol' sex jitters like I myself have had, and like almost all men too. One of your better moves, in my opinion, would be to have him read some things on IVillage here regarding sex as well. There are also websites called the-penis and another called the-clitoris that are actually pretty helpful as well. You'll have MUCH more better sex after you've done your studies, trust us on that one.
Keep him mindful that NEITHER of you are "required" to orgasm every single time you make love, although it would be so perfectly nice. The foreplay, for you , is so important...and so much fun. Many couples simply enjoy the foreplay often, even without any intercourse, so PLEASE look that up too and discover some exciting ways on keeping that as steamy as possible. Perhaps we can start another string in our Spicy Side of Sex section on this page for that. There are other message boards that actually "target" that part of sex as well.
Size?? Size????? My wife just happens to be an inch taller than I am too. NEVER been a problem, no big or little deal at all. If your prince has actually mentioned concern about that, then I suppose its time to just throw him down and take him and show him it doesn't matter, LOL! :P
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R
Thanks everyone for the replies!
Yes, both of us are very jittery (we're both natural worriers as well...so you can just imagine), but we are getting better at just being in the moment.
I am continuing to look around these boards, taking in the information...this is a great place for it!