Isn't Anybody On My Side???

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Isn't Anybody On My Side???
34
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 11:12am
I was just wondering why everybody is so understanding when it comes to guys whatching porn??? i cant for the life of me see how all the women know that their men are looking at that crap...and they are OK with it! This is somehting that makes me very angry! i can understand if they were to watch it together and get off, i guess thats no so bad. but when a man or woman takes interest in it alone, then whats the most humiliating thing one can do to another!!! its almost like we ladies just have to accept the need for more than one woman!!!

Does anyone see where im coming from???

no one seems to feel the same way i do, but i know im not wrong, and if theres anyone out there who agrees with me please let me know!

thanks, and sorry for the hostility

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 11:58am
Hi Leona. I am not a big viewer of porn but I think I understand some of the psychology of watching porn. I think a lot of guys and some women are visually stimulated so watching porn is a turn on. I don't think most of us would want a porn star, prostitute, or call girl for a wife or SO so it is not really a competition between the wives/gf and the porn star, just stimulation. If it enhances your sex life by getting the juces flowing it is O.K. but if it is replacing your sex life with each other it is a really bad thing. Sometimes the nuts and bolts of life can take the edge off your sex drive and porn can be a jump starter to get things going.

Just my take. Best Wishes !!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 12:34pm

I don't see what the big deal is with a man or woman watching porn as long as it does NOT become an obsession or takes away from your sex life.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 12:35pm
I don't get why you feel humiliated. It's well understood that guys -- even moral, good, reasonable ones -- like watching it. My ex b/f, who was a great guy, watched porn all the time. I couldn't have cared less -- had nothing to do with why we broke up. I have no interest in it myself, but if I did I wouldn't feel the least bit guilty pursuing it alone. It isn't the same as cheating ... not even close.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 12:56pm
i guess there isnt any one on my side...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 1:26pm
There are many women who feel how you do. This is a sex board, so it would stand to reason that most of the people here would be comfortable with it. There are people here who participate in threesomes, and I never would. Just because most here don't agree, doesn't mean you are alone.

Leticia

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 1:44pm
Leona I think I understand your side and agree with you that your guy should not watch porn because it makes you uncomfortable. He should care about how you feel enough to make this effort for you. You should also take the time to understand what bothers you about it so much. Is he ignoring your needs and leaving you unsatisfied sexually, or do you compare yourself against the women in the porn films and feel badly about your body (remember this is their job to look good). Do you feel uncomfortable when your guy looks at women in general (mall, TV, side walk, etc.)? If you do, and you would not be alone, you may have some self esteem issues you could work on. Remember he is with you so you have what he wants in a woman.

Hope this helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 1:52pm

Leona, it doesn't mean no one is on your side because questions like this there are no wrong or right answers to.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 2:03pm
Hi Leona,

Porn, as in any addiction, can be unhealthy if overindulged or made into an obsession. However, I think what bothers you most about it is that you take it personally. Porn is simply a visual aid to fantasy...it's no different than reading a romance novel, or even just a standard book of fiction. When you read a book or watch a movie (any movie, not neccessarily pornographic) you disappear into another world...you become a character that is not you. If you're watching an action movie in effect you experience the wild ride that the director wants you to experience...you feel adrenaline rushes, nervousness and anticipation, and then finally comes the end. Then the movie or book is over, you close the cover or turn off the t.v. and that's that. Porn is not different. It's not a replacement for real partners anymore than an action or horror movie is a replacement for real life. Many people love to watch horror movies...they are exciting and scary, but none would REALLY want to chased by an axe weilding murderer...it's a fantasy that we know we just want to keep that way. Healthy porn use is the same thing...however, there are those that can't (metaphorically) close the book; they have addictions and that is a whole seperate thing.

I guess my point in all of this is that most of us don't get angry or feel jealous because our significant others read science fiction. We don't get upset because for an hour a day they are imaginining that they are on a space ship. When a man or woman masturbates and watches a film, it's just that...it's doing something for entertainment or stress relief that feels good. Then they turn off the t.v. and that's that. It has nothing to do with how much they love their partners or how turned on they are by them. If their porn use or masturbation effects their lovemaking with their partner, then there is a concern and that needs to be discussed.

Leona, I think most of us understand your frustration, and no one is saying that you are wrong, but there are other ways to view this that are more empowering and don't leave you in the emotional dumps.

Peace.

Scott.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 2:51pm
thanks for alittle compassion! and just for the record, my guy doesnt look at any kind of porn, i was just wondering if there was anyone who felt like me! and by the looks of it, there arent too many. but thats just fine.

and im not insecure in any way, and not to get wierd, but i am also a very attractive girl! its not the girls in the movies that i have a problem with , its just that fact that lots of guys go elsewhere to get what they want! me and my guy have no problem in the bedroom or any where else, this is not about me. I know that i have nothing to wrry about with him, i just think its wrong that some women just let it slide!

thanks so much for you reply!

leona

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 2:52pm
i am very aware that this is a sex board, but that doesnt mean that every one here whatches porn, i just wanted to hear from someone who understood my point of view!

thatks for the reply :)

leona

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