Isn't Anybody On My Side???

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Isn't Anybody On My Side???
34
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 11:12am
I was just wondering why everybody is so understanding when it comes to guys whatching porn??? i cant for the life of me see how all the women know that their men are looking at that crap...and they are OK with it! This is somehting that makes me very angry! i can understand if they were to watch it together and get off, i guess thats no so bad. but when a man or woman takes interest in it alone, then whats the most humiliating thing one can do to another!!! its almost like we ladies just have to accept the need for more than one woman!!!

Does anyone see where im coming from???

no one seems to feel the same way i do, but i know im not wrong, and if theres anyone out there who agrees with me please let me know!

thanks, and sorry for the hostility

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 11:26pm

I

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martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 12:09am
Leona,

I have to admit that I am a little offended by your posts. You try to affect cutesy manerisms by inserting all sorts of exclamation points and "hank you"s, but it is not really disguising the fact that your statements are very judgemental and exclusionary. You said that porn is "crap", and questioned the existence of "healthy" porn at least twice. You said that having a man think about porn rather than his partner "is the most humiliating thing one can do to another". Do you seriously think that? I can think of lots more humiliating things. You say that you are stubburn when people tell you how you ought to think, yet you said "i just think its wrong that some women just let it slide! " Its not your place to dictate what others should think is right or wrong. WHat you are doing is passing moral judgement on other people. I don't really understand how someone objectively observing society, and learning about other cultures in other places in time or looking at other species could ever think that it is only natural to only think of your partner exclusively all the time. I don't agree with your version of morality. I have been around long enough to know when someone is trying to impose some sort of judaeo christian ideology onto me. Many cultures acknowledge that heterosexual monogamy is not the only option and that even monogamous partners will occasionaly fanasize about someone besides their partner. If you want or need to belive that your SO thinks of nothing besides you because you're "attractive" then be my guest. Just don't be too convinced that you've found fertile ground for your intollerance. JMHO :)

thanks! and sorry for the hostility!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 12:19am
Leona, it's not a question of people being on "your side" or not on "your side". This is YOUR opinion, and your feeling about the matter, to which you're entitled. Just as the others are entitled to their opinion. The real question is why does it upset you so much? Men are visual creatures, and many of them enjoy seeing porn. You don't think it's so bad if you watch it with him.....but what's the difference? With him, or without him, he'll enjoy it.

The real problem, if there is one, is if a man becomes addicted to it, to the point that he ignores his partner in favor of watching porn. In that case, it's NOT the porn, but the man that has a problem knowing the difference between fantasy and reality. MOST men know very well that there's a difference.

Your problem seems to be insecurity, that he could enjoy looking at other women. That doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy looking at you, or being with you. If you were sitting next to him, and he was enjoying it, how is that any different than if you aren't there with him? He knows the porn is fantasy....and he knows that you're a real live woman who cares about him. That doesn't mean he can't enjoy both! He's not out picking up hookers, and he's not at strip clubs, he's in the privacy of his own home, enjoying a fantasy, nothing more.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 1:40pm
I feel a bit like im being ganged up on. like many\all of you have said, this is a place for people to express thier own opinions, and learn from one another., consult eachother about different things, thats what i did. and thats what everyone alse did... so its ok.

in the last few messages everyone has pasted parts of my massages like i dont remember what i have said.

And i have NOTHING against people watching that stuff. I am sure that women enjoy watching it also, although i personally have never known of one.

Please understand, that i am NOT insecure about this, because my bf does not get into anything like that. however, if he did, i could understand where some of you might feel that i was insecure about the whole thing...

and i also know that i do have choice, i doenst take a genius to know that one can make their own decions! i read someones opinion, which stated, "Some men just like porn, i guess we just have to get used to it." thats a direct quote... this is clearly ones OPINION... i understand that and i can accept it.

most of the ladies that i socialize with, thier guys watch porn, and the girls dont like it but they feel they cant change it. so i wasnt sure if everyone felt like that and thats why this converstion was based on men and thier interest in porn.

sorry if i offended anybody, but thats what this board is for (not offending people) but sharing differant point of views...

this is a poll that would go on and on, but if we can end on a good note that would be nice :) (i didnt mean that sarcasticly)

if everyone still wants to discuss this, thats ok. no prob.

thanks

L


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 6:30pm
Clarification is so key to effective communication...and you did pretty well. LOL!! I'm not confused anymore either now. (BIG smile...I found some coffee too)

Some things are worth feeling sore about and other things are really worth ignoring. If you chose to not ignore this, then you are not in the wrong for it, but to take issue with those decisions out there men watching porn may accidentally be construed as you not allowing as well. Make sense?

If porn watching remains harmless, then my personal take is like many of the others, why sink a harmless canoe? If porn is an addiction, then different story obviously. If porn bothers a woman , then others here, as you've stated, have the right to voice their opinion on whether or not its insecurity, just like those particular women are not in the wrong either for expressing their dislike for the habit 'regardless' of how harmless it may be.

There is NOT going to be middle ground here, cause there's NO solution IMHO that will fit everybody. I think others are reacting more to your wording of "on my side" and taking that into account when interpreting your opinion. Just my two cents.

So, if you did think of a solution, what would it be? I'm curious. :)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 08-12-2004 - 7:59pm
thanks para, i appreciate your input and your understanding, as well as all who had something to add! :)

you asked if i have thought of a solution yet. a solution to what?

thank you again for your calm, kind words, i sensed that this conversation became alittle heated, and for that im sorry! im sure everyone else is too, i hope so.

anyway, yes you made plenty of sense in your post. thanks!

take care,

and, Love to all,in all you do!

Leona

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 5:28am
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Edited 8/26/2008 5:56 pm ET by inacolada
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 11:11am
hello! have you read the other posts? if not i understad why, theres about 30 of them now!!!

however, its nice to have somene who understands where im coming from, but also, if you read them, my main question will make more sense :) thanks for your reply!

L

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2003
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 11:57am
<<<>>>

what is your definetion of occassional? how often and what lenth of time? and do you mean that porn makes you horny even when you are not that because sex feels so good that it is the horny feeling that they can not live without. the article said that most pornophrahy lookers will masturbate also. do you mean that can continue over to the relationship and its unhealthy if there is not enough sex to go around if there is more give to the mastrubation. to say it another way if ppl look at porn often and masturbate more they might have less interest in partner sex. is that what you mean by occassional is ok? what is occassional mean to you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 08-13-2004 - 12:52pm

Occasional to me means, once a week, once a month, once a year.


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