Is it acceptable to watch...?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Is it acceptable to watch...?
59
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 11:04am

Hello,

I have a very good friend of mine whom I adore and respect a lot (he is a male). Last time I went to his house I used his computer. By accident I discovered that he has been watching porn on internet. I have no issues about pornography and I respect anyone who wants to see it. However I do have an issue regarding what kind of pornography people like. My friend was lurking on sites with pornography about teenage girls. He is 35 years old and it really bothered me a lot. I know that children pornography is illegal and unforgivable, however I find difficult to classify teenage pornography because there is a thin line over there.
I did not say anything to him, but since then I feel like I have lost all the respect and admiration I used to feel for my friend. That's why I come to this board to ask people if they find acceptable to enjoy watching young naked girls, is it o.k.?, is it just normal and I shouldn't worry?.

I know how I would react if I had catched my friend lurking child pornography. But in this case, I find it difficult to know if he is a pervert or just a normal guy.

Please help with your advice.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 11:22am

Most adults that view pornography know the difference between porn and reality. The "teens" in most of that stuff aren't really teens anyway. Any 25 year old can be made to look like a teen.

As for your friend, unless you have seen him drooling over teens in public, I'd say that he does know the difference.

If you're such a good friend that he allows you to use his computer, then why can't you just ask him what's up with that stuff?

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 11:49am

Personally, I would feel uncomfortable with this as well. BUT, he is an adult and the only thing he's done, that you know of, is LOOK. Is that advisable or healthy? I don't think so but many people believe differently about all kinds of things like this.

Since your feelings about this guy have been compromised, then you should tell him so and why. After all, he is a friend and he allowed you to use his computer knowing that this stuff could be seen. Be honest. He's going to notice a resulting change in your behavior toward him anyway.




Edited 3/29/2005 12:55 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 1:21pm

Hi Iliana,

People are attracted to all sorts of different things. What is important is that your friend has strong boundries between fantasy and reality. Being attracted to young women is no different than being attracted to big breasted women or women with big behinds or whatever. And as GTB wrote most of these sights that feature "teens" are really just young 25 year olds. My wife is 42 and gets carded regularly... We really have no control over who we are attracted to, we only have control over what we do with the attraction.

Most men find young, healthy women attractive...nothing wrong with that. However, most men also know that teens are children and that just because they are attractive that it's not okay to act on that attraction. As you know, some men (for whatever reason) have their boundries short circuited and they are the ones that are dangerous.

It sounds to me like your friend is attracted to young women...so what. Unless he is acting out with children than he is pretty normal. If you are concerned talk to him and let him know that you are uncomfortable. It's always best not to make assumptions.

Good luck.
Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 4:11pm

Some will view teen porn as simply aspect of porn that provides more effective satisfaction to the viewer than other porn does. Others will say method is a sign of deeper issues that may change his view of females in general. Who can really say or speak for him? Who knows?

Your changed view of him is VERY understandable though. You are not overreacting at all IMHO. My view of a pervert, personally, includes an actual sexual addiction though.

If he truly is that you respect and nothing more, then his personal and very private life is open for discussion ONLY if you find a habit of his harmful. Just because you have a changed view and respect doesn't make it 'advisable' to bring up a private part of him that you weren't suppose to know about anyway.

If your treatment of him changes because of this or if you are bothered by it anyway and aren't sure of your standing with him anymore, then you decide if you should let him know you accidentally found this on his computer and what your view is.

Only you know how he'll react or what will happen. Before you make any move, if you decide that route, what was it that you were hoping to get out of it? What do you expect to happen? What is your "goal" in other words?

Just some thoughts for ya for free. Good luck with that. Toughie for sure.

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 8:24pm

As the others have said, most of the 'teen' girls in the porn are not really teenagers at all. For starters, they will all be over the age of 18 as per legal requirements (unless, of course, he has found some rare illegal sites). Many of the women that are a few years older are also made-up or made-out to be younger than they are because there is a big demand for hot young women.

Frankly I don't see it as being any different than cheerleaders or girls in bikinis on prime time TV or music videos or movies. There are an awful lot of guys of all ages that like looking at nubile young women aged 18 years and older. Just because a guy is a bit older doesn't make girls under 25 any less attractive than they used to be when he was under 25 himself. Stands to reason that there would be a high demand for naked young women aged 18 and over. So Yes, very normal. Doesn't mean that he really wants to date girls under 20, or that he's going to dash out and start hanging around with 18 year olds. Fantasy is definitely different from reality in this case.

If he's looking at pictures of naked girls that are well under the age of 18, well, then that's a little bit different, isn't it? Let's figure out how old these girls are first, shall we?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 9:05pm

>>unless, of course, he has found some rare illegal sites<<

I agree with you Westie, except for the rare part. It's defintely not rare. Especialy when talking about P2P stuff. And there is plenty of it on usenet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 10:30pm

>>It's defintely not rare.<<

Quite true. My statement was a bit misleading. I figured I wouldn't complicate things by mentioning usenet or P2P. Finding genuine underage porn would require a bit more skill and stealth than the average user looking for a cheap thrill would use. But Yes, you're right, it's freely available out there if you really want to find it - and there's lots of it.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 10:33pm

I don't think that makes any difference, Westie. These girls are being "marketed" as teens, and these men are looking for teen girls, so to the visitors of that site, they ARE teens, regardless of their age. And THAT'S what's disturbing to me.

Grown men should not be encouraged to leer at teen girls, IMO, fake or otherwise.




Edited 3/29/2005 11:43 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 6:18am

Hello,

Thanks all for your replies. I still get the feeling that most people try to justify or find a "reasonable" explanation to why a grown man is looking at teen pornography. Please let's assume that those are real teenage girls (under 18), it does not matter whether or not they are fake 25 year old women. The fact is that he finds pleasure looking at young girls. Let me remind you of that case where a man was cutting pictures of children's faces and pasting them on grown women and men in order not to break any law and still sell "children" pornography. To me it is still illegal and sick. So, for the sake of this argument, let's assume that those girls are real teenagers.

How many of the people who said it was alright to look at these sites actually enjoy and look at those sites?. I mean, you said, yes it is normal, nothing wrong. But, do yourself look at those sites with naked young girls exclusively???.

I cannot talk to my friend about this because I am not sure if he is doing something wrong. To my standard, I find it disturbing. I wouldn't have difficulty accepting him to look at normal pornography but this still seems different.

Maybe I am just being too close minded and too hard on him. The thing is that I have put him so high in my esteem. I just admire him so much for the many qualities he has, I guess this shouldn't put our friendship in jeopardy.

Iliana

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 7:23am

I think teen girls are hot. There, I've said it. I think if someone finds a beautiful 17 or 18 year old girl sexually attractive there is nothing wrong with it.

Girls (not all, but you know which ones I'm talking about) of that age are naturally thin and in shape, with totally firm flesh, no wrinkles or sags anywhere, perky breasts, slim hips - HELLO, that is the feminine ideal in a lot of people's minds. Makeup is worn by many women to help recreate what they looked like in their late teens!

So I would find nothing wrong with someone who likes to look (LOOK) at girls who are in their late teens.

Think about it, many people start having sex in their teens. So that means that they must be sexually attracted and attracTIVE. Just b/c you get older doesn't make teens any less physcially appealing than they were when you were younger . . .

 

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