Is it acceptable to watch...?
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| Tue, 03-29-2005 - 11:04am |
Hello,
I have a very good friend of mine whom I adore and respect a lot (he is a male). Last time I went to his house I used his computer. By accident I discovered that he has been watching porn on internet. I have no issues about pornography and I respect anyone who wants to see it. However I do have an issue regarding what kind of pornography people like. My friend was lurking on sites with pornography about teenage girls. He is 35 years old and it really bothered me a lot. I know that children pornography is illegal and unforgivable, however I find difficult to classify teenage pornography because there is a thin line over there.
I did not say anything to him, but since then I feel like I have lost all the respect and admiration I used to feel for my friend. That's why I come to this board to ask people if they find acceptable to enjoy watching young naked girls, is it o.k.?, is it just normal and I shouldn't worry?.
I know how I would react if I had catched my friend lurking child pornography. But in this case, I find it difficult to know if he is a pervert or just a normal guy.
Please help with your advice.

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Hi,
I had to write. I'm not that much older than 18. (I'm 22) But you don't know that those girls that you're looking at are 18. I was asked once if I was going to be a freshmen and the person was talking about college, when I was only 13. And also knowing what the GIRLS I knew said about guys looking at them they were always creeped out. (This is again most of the girls I knew) Since who he is looking at could very well be younger say, 13 or 14 and still look like their 18. I would say that there's something very wrong with this. And you should report it since even if they are just 17 they still are considered to be childern in our society.
And yes people are sexually active at that age. But what soceity thinks is ok is only if their sexual other is of around the same age. You are also talking about people that aren't allowed to drink, are not allowed to vote. Are not considered to be adults. Yet you are saying that these same people are allowed to be treated as a sexual objects by adults and thats ok. It really isn't. IMO I also want to say that I'm not looking at high schoolers or even most 18 year olds since I think they look very young.
Overall I think this is creepy. This isn't something that people would allow if they are only 14 or 13 or younger, but at age 16 it becomes ok?
The issue here is what if they are under 17? Its wrong. IMO
I disagree...you should say something to him, not that it would do any good, but because this is how you feel. As I said, he's bound to notice a change in your behavior towards him anyway.
AND if he was so concerned about you seeing those sites, he would have deleted or hid them before allowing you to use his computer.
Edited 3/30/2005 10:36 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
Admiring the beauty of youth and spending time and money to masturbate to teen porn are two different things in my mind. I can admire the physical beauty of a young man, but searching out teen porn sites to masturbate to is crossing the line, IMO.
And justifying all this by saying that they're probably "sexually active anyway" is lame. They MAY be sexually active, but typically with boys their own age, not 35 yr. old men or older!
Sorry, but with the pandemic of pedophilia, child porn, etc. in the world today, I just don't think it's wise for a grown man to go down that path. And that's JMHO.
Edited 3/30/2005 10:33 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
Iliana,
I for one do not look at those sights. In fact, I don't go to porn sights at all nor do I use pornography. I hope you didn't get the impression that I think using children for sexual gratifiction is okay. What I did say, is that it is normal to be attracted to young women and that being attracted and acting out the attraction are two completely different things. I repeat: You can't control attractions, only what you do with them. The boundries are what is important. Also, you don't know that these pictures on the internet are under age and it's best not make assumptions.
Having said all of that though, it appears that you are disturbed by this discovery that you've made. It is always best to talk to another rather than make an assumption. Once you have more information and have fully expressed yourself, you can decide from there if you need to take any other steps. One of the others that responded to your post mentioned "reporting" him. Before taking a step like that be VERY sure that he is doing something illegal, because even a report like that can ruin someone's life. And it is likely that he has done nothing wrong.
When people post questions on the internet, normally they already know what they need to do, they just want some validation. I think your feelings are perfectly valid and I think you should talk to him.
Good luck.
Scott.
I'm curious about your "friendship" with this man. Evidently you are close friends, since he allows you to use his computer when he's not there. Does this mean that he's single, not in a relationship with anyone, and lives alone? Is it possible that his use of porn is his only sexual outlet? If so, how is this any worse than if he was buying Playboy magazine for the same purpose?
So, you just "happened" to come across this on his computer. If a friend of mine asked to use my computer, I wouldn't expect them to be looking at my history. That's no concern of theirs, unless I specifically told them to look up something that I'd recently found. We see this all the time here, g/f's just "accidentally" finding porn on their b/f's computer, and getting all bent out of shape about it. This is violating someone's privacy, and as far as I'm concerned, is no different than going thru his drawers, or his medicine cabinet. Particularly if you're just "friends" and nothing more. Would you be just as upset if you'd found a stash of Playboys or Hustlers?
This is why I wonder about your "friendship" with him. Are you hoping for this to be more than a friendship? Do you have "designs" on the guy? That's the only reason I can think of that you would be upset about what you found. If it's truly just a friendship, what difference does it make to you what he does when he's home alone with his computer?
If this friend was female, would you be just as upset if you'd found nude young guys on her computer? Would you lose respect for her? Would you even have looked at her history?
I think that when someone "accidentally" finds something that they don't like, it's because they had some sort of suspicion about what they would find. Has he ever given you any reason to think he was some kind of sexual pervert?
I think you've opened a can of worms, and you have a few different choices. You can just forget about it. You can lose respect for him, and lose the friendship, or you can talk to him about it, and see what HE has to say about it. You might also find that he'll lose respect for you, because you invaded his privacy. It really doesn't make a lot of difference how this turns out, because it's obvious that this is NOT acceptable to you, but it IS part of his life, for whatever his reasons. If you want him in your life, then you have to accept him as he is, warts and all.
"They MAY be sexually active, but typically with boys their own age, not 35 yr. old men or older!"
Indeed. When I met my (current) boyfriend at age 18, he was 34. I am now 22 years old. Which makes him 38. I know that some people have a problem with this.
I still think teen girls are hot!
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Well, speaking as a parent of two sons....no, I wouldn't be comfortable with that much of an age difference, however, once a child becomes a legal adult, then they get to make their own decisions about life and love.
When I was a teen...I never thought other teen girls were hot, I fixated on the teen guys. And I think ALL women, young, old or in between are beautiful and sexy.
But now that I'm a grown woman, I think mature men my own age are far sexier than a 20 yr. old could ever be.
Edited 3/30/2005 4:35 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
If you discovered that he WAS doing something wrong, I'm guessing you'd raise issue because that disturbed you. THIS is debatable regarding whether or not he is doing something technically wrong, but what is NOT debatable is that it DOES bother you.
Again, I wouldn't talk to someone in this situation without an intent to accomplish something out of it, but thats just me, whereas others may do so just to express disappointment without regard to what happens next.
Not judging either way, to each their own. What if you had a friend who viewed you differently because of something s/he felt was wrong about you or your choices, and yet you didn't even know about it? How would you have liked that friend to handle it?
Just another idea in the pile for ya to think about. I'm not leaning either way. Good luck to you.
C H A R A C T E R
You forget one very minor thing. These girls are not letting these pictures be taken of them , because they like the attention they get. They take these pictures because they get paid!!! The idea behind the free sites is to get the poor sucker looking at the pictures to pay ever how much money for ever how many days access to get the "good" pictures and all of the other "good" things that the pay site offers. Let's keep that in mind when you think about these "poor exploited young" girls.
CH
But how can you be sure of that Chahn? None of us can be certain of how those types of pictures are obtained. I seriously doubt that these girls have agents, parents or unions negotiating fees, etc. and looking out for their best interests.
But no one is denying that porn is a business and that money usually exchanges hands. However, the girls themselves make precious little from the profit and it IS a multi-billion dollar industry, we're talking about. There should be millions of independently wealthy teens out there if they were truly being paid for the profit they generate!
And it's not these girls who are breaking the law, if they truly ARE minors, it's the pornographer and customers who CHOOSE to visit the site.
Whatsmore, young girls who are not yet fully mature, mentally and emotionally, should not be held to the same ethical standards as a fully grown adult. Teens CAN and are manipulated to do many things that they may later regret. It happens all the time. Particularly, if the circumstances of their lives makes them even more susceptible to coercion and pressure.
I just don't think it's fair to blame the availability of this type of porn on the girls themselves. After all, there would be no supply without a demand, would there?
And your argument sounds suspiciously like a pedophile claiming that his victim seduced him, which just doesn't wash. No, blaming the younger and more immature person in the equation never holds up for a reason.
Edited 3/30/2005 6:32 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
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