Is it acceptable to watch...?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Is it acceptable to watch...?
59
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 11:04am

Hello,

I have a very good friend of mine whom I adore and respect a lot (he is a male). Last time I went to his house I used his computer. By accident I discovered that he has been watching porn on internet. I have no issues about pornography and I respect anyone who wants to see it. However I do have an issue regarding what kind of pornography people like. My friend was lurking on sites with pornography about teenage girls. He is 35 years old and it really bothered me a lot. I know that children pornography is illegal and unforgivable, however I find difficult to classify teenage pornography because there is a thin line over there.
I did not say anything to him, but since then I feel like I have lost all the respect and admiration I used to feel for my friend. That's why I come to this board to ask people if they find acceptable to enjoy watching young naked girls, is it o.k.?, is it just normal and I shouldn't worry?.

I know how I would react if I had catched my friend lurking child pornography. But in this case, I find it difficult to know if he is a pervert or just a normal guy.

Please help with your advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 5:25pm
Uh, not many are. Girls Gone Wild is one of the most popular and well known series. NONE of those girls get paid. They throw parties where chicks get all the free liquor they can drink, and when they are nice and plastered they get them to do things they wouldn't when not under the influence. Lets not even get into upskirting, hidden camers in bathrooms, dressing rooms, etc. And the news, they had a guy filming teens in the girls locker room.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 7:17pm

>>I still get the feeling that most people try to justify or find a "reasonable" explanation <<

Only in that the girls that he is looking at are quite probably "legal" in all meaning of the word. If he is actively seeking and downloading pedophile material then that is entirely different.

Let me tell you a little story...
I worked in a bar for many years in a small town. We had our regular customers. One of them was a mechanic, just a regular guy. His wife got herself a drug habit, left him and his two daughters and she ran off with another man. Although hurt, he said "Good riddance" to a bad thing as he'd been cleaning up the mess for a long time. He was left to raise the two girls. The girls would often stop into the bar on their way home in the early evening to see their father who often had a beer with workmates after 5.00pm. The father got a bit mad one night when one of his drinking buddies said to him "You daughter is a really little hottie these days". The girl was thirteen years old.
Trouble was, that she WAS a hottie. She was thirteen going on thirty. She was a lovely girl, but she dressed in tight tops, short skirts or trousers, wore make-up, did her hair nicely and was (even at thirteen) well aware of her influence on men of all ages. She looked a lot like a more attractive version of (off the top of my head) Sandra Bullock.

Is it normal that men in their thirties and fourties found a 13 year old girl attractive? In this case, Yes. Simply because she wasn't just a dressed up thirteen year old, she was a very beautiful girl with a very adult manner about her, and as I said, she acted closer to thirty in manner than thirteen. She was your classic little Lolita.

Is it appropriate that men find her attractive? There's no answer to that because they simply did find her attractive. The better question would be to ask is it appropriate that one of those men to give her any sexual attention being it physically or emotionally or whatever or even just look at her with sexual thoughts? The answer is, of course, No. It's not appropriate at all.

The problem is that society says that young women are sexually mature at 18 years of age (16 where I am). But in reality they don't suddenly burst into sexual attractiveness on the day of their 18th birthday, they're attractive well before that day. The problem that men have to deal with is that they can be sexually attracted to an underage or young girl yet have to be aware that these girls are in a 'no-go' zone.

So to answer your question, it's one thing to be aware that an underage girl is attractive. It's entirely another to actually "desire" an underage girl and be sexually interested in her.

You friend seems to be falling into that gray area where the girls are obviously close to 18 but not quite, and it's an uneasy area because it's not well defined in people's minds.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 5:41am

tattooled,
I do not find any problem at all with men who like and admire young beauty because I also admire them. I do have a problem as Katmandoo2001 said with men who sit in front of their computers and masturbate with those pictures exclusively. Why don't they look at naked women the same age as theirs?.

Scott,
You are right. I suppose that I know what to do. But to your knowledge, let me tell you that I was not deliberately searching in his history. This happens all the time, when you type a website address in the bar, previous websites starting with the same word come out. So, let's say I wanted to access hotmail.com, and sites like hot-teens or hornyteens came out.
Anyway, I think that I have arrived to one conclusion, men who like teen porn are like men who like bullfighting or boxing. From my point of view, those are unacceptable sources of pleasure and are morally questionable. However, I suppose that as an individual I have to accept that some people find pleasure from exploiting other people's bodies and causing pain (in these cases, to underage children, animals and boxers). Unless society changes the law.

Iliana

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 5:52am
greenteabag,
At the time when I made this discovery we were a couple. We live in different cities and we could only see once per week (we are not partners anymore). And yes, it was by accident, I explained earlier how it happened.
I don't know how things could change if we were or weren't together. Whether or not we were a couple makes no difference. We all have boundaries about what we think is right and wrong.
I suppose he is not breaking any law, so I cannot talk to him about it because it belongs to his own private life and he would be totally right to tell me that it is not my business. I would only make a big issue if I knew it is against the law, that was the main reason why I came to this board.
I value his friendship very much, and maybe this discovery will bother me always, but unless he is breaking the law, I am going to accept it as he is.
Iliana
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 6:12am

"Why don't they look at naked women the same age as theirs"

Are you kidding me. Men like to look at the healthiest, most sexually attractive women that they can. What is the average age for the women that you see in porn? For Playboy or Hustler centerfolds? It's not 34, I'll tell you that right now!

If you're just looking for free porn like a lot of men do, and you're searching, you find a lot of YOUNGER LOOKING attractive girls. The age is probably around 18-22. That what you're most likely to find in movies, magazines, etc and it's there b/c that is what people want to see! Young, firm, beautiful girls. NOT women over the age of 30. Heck, even proper models don't even make it 'til 30 most of the time.

Obviously, pedophilia is wrong. Dead wrong. But if a man is presented with a beautiful, healthy, sexually mature female body, he's probably going to be attracted to it. AND if the site says that all the girls are over 18, then he has nothing to feel guilty about.

 

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 10:46am

It's a little odd how you seem to equate health and sexiness only to younger women under 30. Just because one is under 30 doesn't guarentee either of those things. Health and sexiness have nothing to do with age at all.

"What is the average age for women in porn?" I think you'd be surprised to learn that the highest grossing issues of Playboy and Penthouse always feature someone like Farrah Fawcett, Pamela Anderson, Vanessa Williams, Suzanne Sommers, Lisa Marie Presley, etc. all of of whom are considerably well over 30! There's a market for all kinds of nude shots....just try googling anything, and you'll find it and it wouldn't be out there if it didn't sell.

There's a fine line between what is teen porn and what is kiddie porn though and that's where many men get into trouble.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 1:15pm

Dear Iliana,

You may have my post confused with someone else; I never said anything about you "deliberately searching out his history". I know very well how it happened.

I think the original title to your post: "Is it acceptable to watch...?" has nothing to do with your post. What's important is if it's acceptable to you and obviously it isn't, so you should just go with that.

I thought your analogy about boxing, bullfighting and teen porn was a little bizarre. I agree with you on Bullfighting as the animal has no choice and certainly agree with you on under age "kiddie" porn. Boxing however, is a chosen professional sport no different from any other contact sport (I'm biased as I made my living as a professional Kickboxer for twelve years). Young women taking their clothes off for some pictures also are making a choice...they are making A LOT of money doing it...that's why they do it. Let me be clear, I am making a distinction between children and adults. An 18 year old is legally an adult; they can make that choice. I would not want my daughter doing it, nor would I encourage any young woman to do it. However, there are a lot of things that I think are a bad idea, but others do not and as always, in a free society, we are free to do unwise things.

After reading your post about being in a past relationship with this man, your original post does now make more sense. I suspect that you're just bothered by his attractions and possibly a little jealous due to your previous relationship. That's normal and acceptable, but best to just accept that that may be going on, even if it's unconscious rather than make this about him being "bad".

Good luck with all of this. Again, instead of trying to get justification for your feelings, just accept that you feel the way you feel and do what you really want to do and talk to him. But don't assume he's bad or done something wrong or illegal until you know that for sure. Your upset over the fact that his morals and your morals don't necessarily match up exactly...so what we all are bothered when that happens, you are not in an intimate relationship anymore and for the most part you don't have to deal with it. If it's so bad that you don't want to continue your friendship, then don't continue the friendship.

As for me, I'm going to watch a couple of boxing bouts put on by those poor exploited multimillionaire fighters :0).

Peace.
Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 1:22pm

"the highest grossing issues of Playboy and Penthouse always feature someone like Farrah Fawcett, Pamela Anderson, Vanessa Williams, Suzanne Sommers, Lisa Marie Presley, etc. all of of whom are considerably well over 30!"

Absolutely, guys want to see a celeb naked no matter what age. I'm sure they'd be happy to pay for a Julia Roberts centerfold though she isn't 20, BUT if you are a no-name there isn't the biggest market for you being naked much later than your mid 20s.

"It's a little odd how you seem to equate health and sexiness only to younger women under 30."

Hm. I think I just said that young women have naturally beautiful bodies. The skin and muscle doesn't need to be toned to be firm. It still has the natural elastic. After your mids 20s your metobolism goes down, you start to lose muscle and bone mass, you get wrinkles, sagginess, cellulite, etc. Young girls don't have to deal with any of this! (Again, not ALL, obviously!! You know the ones we're discussing.)

There are some very sexy 35 year olds! No one is saying that isn't true! It's just that the majority of porn (that I've seen) (and I'm not searching for teen porn!) has women in it that are in their late teens/early twenties. And the reason for that is they are more attractive than the older women.

I didn't even think that this point needed to be debated! No one is taking away anything from sexy mature women, but there is an obvious beauty and sexiness that comes with being in your late teens/early 20s. Or maybe it's only obvious to me?

"Health and sexiness have nothing to do with age at all."

Sexiness has nothing to do with age? Wait, what are we discussing again????

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 1:30pm
tattooled. Do a search for MILF and mature porn. There's just as much with women over 30 as there are mid 20's.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 1:34pm

No one is saying that mature ladies aren't sexy!!!! And there is PLENTY of porn for all sorts of desires!

But mainstream porn is generally younger than 30. Can we agree on that?

 

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