Is it acceptable to watch...?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Is it acceptable to watch...?
59
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 11:04am

Hello,

I have a very good friend of mine whom I adore and respect a lot (he is a male). Last time I went to his house I used his computer. By accident I discovered that he has been watching porn on internet. I have no issues about pornography and I respect anyone who wants to see it. However I do have an issue regarding what kind of pornography people like. My friend was lurking on sites with pornography about teenage girls. He is 35 years old and it really bothered me a lot. I know that children pornography is illegal and unforgivable, however I find difficult to classify teenage pornography because there is a thin line over there.
I did not say anything to him, but since then I feel like I have lost all the respect and admiration I used to feel for my friend. That's why I come to this board to ask people if they find acceptable to enjoy watching young naked girls, is it o.k.?, is it just normal and I shouldn't worry?.

I know how I would react if I had catched my friend lurking child pornography. But in this case, I find it difficult to know if he is a pervert or just a normal guy.

Please help with your advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 11:30am
It would disturb me if someone I knew were turned on by *young* looking teens.Whether or not they were legally adults or not, the illusion(fantasy) is that they ARE kids - particulary if I had young daughters.It would disturb me as much as if I found brutal rape porn - even if it was fabricated.It doesn't change that they get sexually aroused by children or brutality.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 11:43am

"Is it normal that men in their thirties and fourties found a 13 year old girl attractive?"

Wouldn't the fact that you knew her age deter your attraction? I know one thing...as a woman I have NEVER looked at a 13 year old boy sexually. No matter what his LOOK - it simply is off limits.

Question for you.Did you and do you think that some of those men masturbated to her. Is there no limitation to the male libido?

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 12:59pm

I agree and maybe part of this built-in boundary comes from being a parent, I don't know, but I agree wholeheartedly. I could never look at a child in a sexual way.

And,IMO, we have as much control over our own minds as we choose to exercise. My mother used to have a saying...."garbage IN, garbage OUT," meaning that if you spend your time looking at and thinking about garbage, then that's what you'll be about.

I can vividly remember being looked at in THAT way by men older than my father and it's very scary and creepy for a child. Makes me shudder now knowing that goes on.

And just because a child is allowed to dress inappropriately, does NOT mean that she is now blessed with adult maturity, awareness and knowledge of the consequences of her choices. No, it's a child playing dress up and playing at being a woman.




Edited 4/1/2005 2:13 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 4:51pm

>>"Is it normal that men in their thirties and fourties found a 13 year old girl attractive?"
Wouldn't the fact that you knew her age deter your attraction?>>

Well,... Yes of course it affected how you felt about her and how you viewed her. While I can't speak for the other guys, I know that I felt uncomfortable because on one hand, she was an attractive girl with all the features and assets that make any girl attractive, yet on the other hand you knew that she was 13 years old. You definitely felt a little like a dirty old man.

I had a discussion about this with my parter a while back when the comment was made. Now she doesn't look at underage teens with any sexual interest either but she could clearly and obviously see what I was talking about - even she admitted that the girl was very attractive and older than her years would indicate, perhaps partially because her dress and image was entirely inappropriate for a 13 year old. She too could see that men of all ages were obviously finding her sexually attractive.

At the end of the day, no matter what a guy thought about this girl, she was obviously off-limits. However, I happen to know that as far as the local under 18yo lads were concerned, she was fair game and I know that one or two were making in-roads in that area.
My partner and I actually have a verbal bet running that she will be pregnant before she's 16.

>>Did you and do you think that some of those men masturbated to her.<<
Of course, I don't know for sure. But it certainly wouldn't surprise me at all. I'm sure that there are plenty of boys and young men closer to her age that do.

Here's a thought about a girl that you would probably have heard of: I happened to see that girl, Hillary Duff, on the Tv last night in an interview. She's a little Brittany clone, image-wise. Now, she's just turned 17. You can't tell me that plenty of men wouldn't find her sexually attractive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 9:47am

You keep referring to teens who APPEAR older...when in speaking of teen porn it's usually the opposite. I haven't seen actual teen porn videos, but I once saw a link to a popular teen porn magazine(which showed about fifty front page covers) and all of the girls were depicted as quite young(14-16). They weren't lolitas all dressed to try and convince the reader that they were 18, they were made up to look childish and innocent. Isn't THAT the lure of teen porn....and not that of 13 year olds dressed up to appear as 18 year olds?

As far a Hillary Duff, again, I'm not a man but a woman. And even if the thought came into my mind that a 17 year old was attractive or sexy, that's as far as it would ever get. My mind would not process anything further sexually.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 2:59pm

It's a definite mixed bag when it comes to the Lolita types. What men fail to realize (often) is that they are experimenting with their sexuality. They dress or act to attract attention, but are often scared when they do. They are not *usually* as emotionally mature as they appear to be physically. They may like the attention but fail to realize how it may make some men feel. And I am *not* blaming the girls for that, but it's a fact that if you dress provocatively, you will attract it. The doc I work for has a great saying - 'Don't dress like a police officer and then get upset when people stop you and ask for directions.'

However, most 13 year old girls don't know what to do with that attention once they get it. It's a very pseudo-sophistication that most girls have at age 13.

I can also tell you another thing, from the perspective of having been a 13 year old girl. I dressed that way (if I could get away with it, lol), or wore jeans a little tighter than my mom liked, tops cut a little lower than I should have, makeup, etc etc because I wanted the attention of BOYS my age or a little older. I wasn't looking for adult men in their 30s. And if my dad's friends had ever made a comment like that, not only would my dad have set them straight, I would have been creeped out by it. I could deal with the attention of a 14 or 15 year old, I wouldn't have known what to do with it from a 35 year old. It would have scared me.

But my dad also wouldn't have had me stopping in at a bar with him and his buddies at 5pm. If he'd been a single dad, he would have been home waiting for us at that time of day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 5:19pm

>>What men fail to realize (often) is that they are experimenting with their sexuality. <<

I think that most guys realise that a young girl doesn't realise exactly what the attention that she's getting means. _I_ certainly know that this girl isn't aware of the depth of the attention that she draws to herself, and that she is "experimenting". I was trying to explain it from a guy's perspective. Regardless of the girl's intentions, she's creating a certain image that from an adult perspective is very sexual. Again, I don't blame the girl/s either.

>>And if my dad's friends had ever made a comment like that, not only would my dad have set them straight, I would have been creeped out by it. <<

Again, agreed. But unfortunately what is attractive to a 14 or 15 year old boy probably is attractive to boys much older too. Like you said, the young girls simply don't realise what they're getting themselves into.

>>But my dad also wouldn't have had me stopping in at a bar with him and his buddies at 5pm.<< Yep. I wouldn't be allowing that with my 13yo daughters either. But unfortunately there are guys out there like that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 5:27pm

>>the girls were depicted as quite young(14-16). They weren't lolitas all dressed to try and convince the reader that they were 18, they were made up to look childish and innocent. <<

Yeah, there are definitely two different (three I guess) types of "teen" porn. Older women made to look younger. Younger girls that look older. And young girls that look young.

The first two fit into what I was talking about. Girls that are "off limits" because they are under the age of consent even though they appear sexually mature. They last one, and the one that you refer to, is your standard pedophile material - young girls that look like sexually immature girls. That's the really weird stuff and any guy that looks seriously and regularly at that stuff (as opposed to accidentally viewing it) deserves what he's got coming to him.

That where the confusion about this "teen" porn comes from. When someone says "teen" you immediately think "underage/pedophile" but I think that there are shades of gray to it and some different levels before you well and truely hit the classic underage/child porn that we are all aware is the stuff pedophiles look for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 11:12pm

It sounds as though you are not sure how to feel and not sure what I have to say will help. If you look at the web address sometimes there is a country designation for example

co.uk is the United Kingdom
co.fr is France
co.nl is Netherlands
co.de is Germany (I think)

etc

If the country designation of the web address is co.nl or co.de there is a good chance that the teenage girls he was viewing is under 18 and therefore illegal in the US. Netherlands and Germany do have very liberal pornongraphy laws in regards to children. Do not assume .com is US it is a common web site ending and many countries provide .com addresses.

I guess what I am saying if you suspect that the material is child porn, the best thing to do is turn him in and let the authorities handle it. Child pornography is illegal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Sun, 04-03-2005 - 12:22am
Although I'm over fifty I admit that I occasionally pick up a magazine like Barely Legal. Although there is a definite attraction due to how pretty the girls are, for me at least, the main attraction is due to the fact that when I was a teenager looking at naked teenaged girls simply wasn't an option. When I look at the girls in the magazine I'm thinking how neat it it would have been to be with girls like that when I was their age. I'm certainly not thinking about being with them now, that creeps even me out. I'm guessing I'm not the only old coot who does that. The lucky ones are using the pictures to relive fond memories while the rest of us are imagining things that could have been, but weren't. Also, I occasionally pick up a magazine with models who are all supposed to be over 40. I'm sure there are those who are going to be grossed out by that as well, but at least they're closer to my age. After all, if it wasn't for magazines like that I wouldn't have any sex life at all, LOL.