Is it acceptable to watch...?
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| Tue, 03-29-2005 - 11:04am |
Hello,
I have a very good friend of mine whom I adore and respect a lot (he is a male). Last time I went to his house I used his computer. By accident I discovered that he has been watching porn on internet. I have no issues about pornography and I respect anyone who wants to see it. However I do have an issue regarding what kind of pornography people like. My friend was lurking on sites with pornography about teenage girls. He is 35 years old and it really bothered me a lot. I know that children pornography is illegal and unforgivable, however I find difficult to classify teenage pornography because there is a thin line over there.
I did not say anything to him, but since then I feel like I have lost all the respect and admiration I used to feel for my friend. That's why I come to this board to ask people if they find acceptable to enjoy watching young naked girls, is it o.k.?, is it just normal and I shouldn't worry?.
I know how I would react if I had catched my friend lurking child pornography. But in this case, I find it difficult to know if he is a pervert or just a normal guy.
Please help with your advice.

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As uncomfortable as it may make some people (including parents!) a 14, 15, 16 year old girl can be very sexually attractive. And *that* is not pedophilia. They are sexually maturing beings, they are *supposed* to be attractive (although adult men are not supposed to act on that attraction.) Generally it's men, although we've heard of a few women who have seduced younger teens. Most adult women do not find 14 year old boys very sexy.
However, that is totally a different thing from child porn. Someone attracted to the sexuality of a 15 year old girl is not a pedophile. True pedophilia is attraction to children, those before puberty. A 6 or 8 year old should not be found sexually attractive.
Much of the 'schoolgirl fantasy' porn is adult women, 18+, made up to look younger. Ponytails, ribbons, plaid skirts, etc. I think the schoolgirl fantasy is quite common, and not necessarily an indication of an attraction to children per se.
Tally,
I agree and disagree with you on this statement. Being attracted to a 14 to 16 year old girl (or boy for that matter) is not pedophilia, HOWEVER acting on that attraction most certainly is. A child that age is a child whether they have developed sexually or not.
We can't control attraction by making it bad to have the attraction...in fact, judging it as "bad" makes it all the more difficult to let go. We can only let go of an attraction by witnessing it non-judgmentally and not feeding it. It is absolutely paramount that our boundries are firmly in place and that we remind ourselves that no matter how attractive we may find a teen girl or boy, that we remind ourselves and reconnect with the fact that this is a vulnerable person and that as adults we have a duty to protect those vulnerable persons.
Again, we have no control over what we find attractive, only over what we do with the attraction.
Peace.
Scott.
"acting on that attraction most certainly is."
Sorry, I disagree. Maybe it's just differing opinions, but while I think a 21 year old man interested in a 14 year girl is misguided although normal, I don't think he's a pedophile. Legally, he isn't. That same man sexually attracted to a 5 year old girl IS.
"Pedophilia involves reoccurring sexual arousal and desires or fantasies involving sexual impulses toward a pre-adolescent child or children. The pedophile must be above age 16, and the sexual attraction must involve a child of age 13 or younger who is at least 5 years younger than the adult. A pedophile has either acted on these sexual impulses, or the fantasies and / or sexual arousal and impulses disturb the individual. The pedophile is sexually aroused because the child is a child, regardless of the pedophile's sexual orientation, or the child's gender." Human Sexuality Website.
"Pedophilia is a preference for sexual activity with young children. In Western societies, pedophilia is defined as sexual fantasy about or sexual relations with a child younger than 13 by a person 16 or older. Some pedophiles are attracted only to children, often of a specific age range or developmental stage, whereas others are attracted to both children and adults.
Although state laws vary, the law generally considers a person older than 18 to be committing statutory rape if the victim is 16 or younger. Statutory rape cases often do not meet the definition of pedophilia, highlighting the somewhat arbitrary nature of selecting a specific age cutoff point in a medical or legal definition." The Merck Manual
I agree that we have no control over what we find attractive and I believe I also stated that acting on that attraction is innappropriate when the person is a minor. (If I didn't, I apologize, I meant to). When I was 14/15, I was dating a guy who was 21. My parents knew his parents a lifetime, good family, yadayada. But we *were* sexually active. However, I don't consider him a pedophile.
"As uncomfortable as it may make some people (including parents!) a 14, 15, 16 year old girl can be very sexually attractive. And *that* is not pedophilia. They are sexually maturing beings, they are *supposed* to be attractive (although adult men are not supposed to act on that attraction.) "
tally,
A 14, 15, 16 years old girl is still a child. Whether or not we like it. By LAW they are still considered as children. As I mentioned before, nobody questions that some of them are beautiful, sexually active and well developed. What we should question is if it is correct that men in their thirties look at teen porn and get sexual pleasure by it, knowing that they are underage.
Your answer seems to be that it is o.k. as long as they don't "act on that attraction". But tell me, isn't masturbation an action on that attraction?, isn't downloading pictures and looking at websites an action on that attraction?. Who are the men who contribute to the multimillion bussiness of teen pornography??. Aren't they the ones who pay anything and risk their reputation by entering these sites?.
Scott,
My friend was not entering sites with pre-adolescent girls. If that had been the case, I would have known what to do without a question. The girls were already developed but no more than 17 years old.
Iliana
Obviously, the perception of 14-15 yr. olds are going to be very different than an adult's though and I'm sure your parents would have viewed the sexual relationship very differently. Legally, this was still a case of an adult in a sexual relationship with a child.
And this guy COULD have been a pedophile if he's still looking at 14 yr. olds the same way at his present age. It is a pattern of thinking and behavior, as you pointed out. After all, pedophiles don't usually start abusing as old men, they start as young men.
Edited 4/4/2005 11:11 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
Although no. 1 is the only LEGAL situation,I would still be uncomfortable with a man who would often get aroused and masturbate to very young(legal or not)childlike looking girls. I see it as no different than no. 3 except that one is against the law.
Edited 4/4/2005 1:43 pm ET ET by mona_lisa_smile
"....only what we do with that attraction." I would agree with that, Scott.
Admiring a beautiful young girl or boy is understandable but using that child as sexual fodder or fantasy is, IMO, wrong.
Edited 4/4/2005 3:15 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
Tally,
By strict definition you're correct and I concede.
Having said that, your relationship with a 21 year old man at age fourteen was certainly outside my boundries and it is not something I would allow my children to do (not to mention that it is illegal in every state whether the guy is from a "good" family or not). I have kids from 21 years of age down to 8 and there is a huge difference between 14 years of age and 21 and there is tremendous potential for a 21 year old to harm a 14 year old kid.
Scott.
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