is it me...?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
is it me...?
1
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 2:18am
Hello everyone and happy halloween,

well i have some issues currently going on with my relationship and i would like some imput please.

I know this guy for 2 years. Since then we have messed on and off. he was involve with someone else while messing with me. i understand that we were not official at all, (but i felt cheated). after i found out about that situation we broke up and 7 months after, we got back together. I felt good when i got back with him and even gave him my virginity, he has been my first and only. well during that time i was going through a major depression and he was going through his own issues. we broke up again b/c of some difficulties i could not handle, and we both saw other people. 3 months after that, we got back together. and when we did, things got very serious btw us, we promised each other that we will not hurt each other and be honest. well everything(communication, sex, honesty, respect) was good. then his sex drive started getting weaker then it already was and ironically started spending more time together and actually acting like a married couple (which of course has its goods and bads).

we are so comfortable with each other and know almost our every move. but yet i still feel like something is missing. our sexual chemistry is not there anymore. i dont even feel like kissing him at times (mainly b.c he has a throat problem which is causing his breath to not smell too good) i feel like im being so mean by saying that.

i love him i really do, but im not inlove with him, and i have told him this and he feels the same way i do. he thinks that we dont need to be inlove to be together and we should rush it, it will just come.he also thinks that a relationship is not sex driven. but i think its more of a comfort zone than an actual relationship that we have. the last time we had sex was a month ago. we are two young couples, 20 and 21. I have even thought he was gay and told him ( he said he thinks his bi- but doesnt wanna label himself). I trully dont care, but does him being bi-sexual affect his sexual drive. i dont think we connect as we did before. he doesnt turn me on anymore, he doesnt even try. i dont feel as if he wants me. before i was always the one to intiate sex, but i feel so neglected cause he either screams at me or just goes to sleep. now i dont even try. i even asked him if its the way i do it, like i feel self-counsious at times cause he was my first, but i told him that im willing to learn. i regret sometimes having lost my virginity to him, i dont even have sex, and im not even a sex maniac( i always had a hard time getting an orgams...ive had few, sex is okay). i just feel that now that im not a virgin, why shouldn't we just enjoy it, and he should teach me how to feel more open -in my opinion-?

is it me, or is the love just not there on either of our parts and we are just afraid to let go because we feel so comfortable. i dont understand, relationships are so complicated.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: githela
Sun, 10-31-2004 - 7:48am

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