Is it me or a small bump in the road?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2007
Is it me or a small bump in the road?
7
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 7:50pm

This may be a little TMI, but here goes.

I recently started seeing a great guy. All of his actions lead me to believe the he's truly interested; however, when we have sex (only twice so far) he is unable to maintain an erection. The first time, he achieved orgasam by combination of his on hand stimulation while I provided oral stimulation. I didn't make a big deal of it because I've heard of performance anxiety. When we were finished, he immediately apologized and said that he just needed to "get used to me".

After a wonderful evening out the next night, we once again headed to the bedroom. Things seemed to be going well, and then I noticed he was loosing his erection. We continued on with other play and he ensured that I was satisfied. We then focused on him, but I didn't want him to feel pressured to perform so I tried to appear as if I weren't beating myself silly trying to get him to cum. When we realized it wasn't going to happen, he again apologized and asked me to please be patient. He said, "I promise, it will get better, I just need to get used to you". I told him it was okay and that I am more than happy to be as patient as necessary. I asked him if there was something I could do to help or if he could explain because I was clueless since I don't have one of those things and I really want to understand. He said that he gets so aroused from the moment he sees me (or picks me up for our date) and then all night long as we kiss or we caress one another he is continually excited. Then when we get into the bedroom, he can go for a short time, but his penis becomes numb and he loses his erection. Can anyone
please explain if this is something that happens often? Is it a common thing for men to experience? Is it truly something that can be overcome with time? I am 5' 4" and he is 6' 7". I don't know if he has a fear of hurting me since his is pretty large or if it's
just performance anxiety.

I am feeling a little self conscious about it (wondering if maybe it's me) and was hoping you could provide some honest feedback.

Thanks!

Blueyz4u

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 8:05pm
He told you what it is, he needs to get more used to you, more comfortable with you so believe him.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2007
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 8:14pm

Thanks issytish! I've never been in a relationship where this happened before. Just looking for some reassuring confidence. I feel better already.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 8:17pm

Welcome to the board blueyz4u.

I think it would be best to give him a little time (as he has suggested) without analyzing why he might need the time. A lot of guys go through similar situations, and the reasons can vary. It rarely has anything to do with the girl, and he has definitely indicated that it's not about you.

If things don't improve after several attempts, then you may want to look into the reason. Otherwise, just try to be patient and enjoy the things that you are able to share together.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 2:08am
Look at this logically! If it was "you"......then why would he come back for more embarassment if he's not "attracted" to you? He told you the reason......listen to him, and accept it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 11:23am

I have encountered the same issues..penis numb..three different answers...one was reaction to Zocor med...the other nerve damage from previous disk problem and the third peripheral neuropathy due to diabetes. The partner was not the problem, the question is honesty regarding health issues. Men are often reluctant to discuss a problem for which there is no instant cure.

Beyond Mordant

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2007
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 1:51pm
My husband and I had not had sex in 2 years. My fault!! Well when my libido came back and I wanted sex all the time he had trouble maintaining an erection that is how I came across Ivillage. Maybe it has been a long time since your boyfriend has had sex. I would say it has been close to 3 mos now that our sex life has become more active and its getting much better. Part of it was going so long without it and regardless of the fact that he maturbated during that 2 years it still was not the same, part of it was anxiety on his part because he was seeing a new woman..a woman he never saw before in our 15 year marriage. Give him some time and hopefully it will get better. You could buy some C-rings and try them out also. We did and they worked but we do not need them anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 9:13pm
Welcome to the board, beyondmordant, and thanks for joining in.