Is it menopause...or just a dry spell?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Is it menopause...or just a dry spell?
3
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 10:50am

HI All,

Haven't been around for awhile...mostly just busy. BUT, felt the need to vent a bit.

For those of you that have seen my posts etc., you know that I have been married for many years (18); we've always had a good sex life. My libido has been a bit higher than my wifes, but we really have done a good job (I think) of compromising. HOWEVER, over the last six months my wife's sex drive has really decreased. We have gone from three times a week to 2 times, to 1 time to twice a month in a pretty short period of time. We still cuddle together, spend time together and love each other dearly, but all of a sudden it has been like "pulling teeth" to get her to make love. When we do, she still becomes aroused, has no problem with lubrication or orgasm, but she says that she is just not in the mood these days.

She's 43, beautiful and healthy, but I am starting to wonder if maybe she is experiencing some menopausal symptoms? I would appreciate any women in this age group or beyond that have experience like this to give me some feedback. Is there something that I can do to help? Should I just get out of the way and let things come full circle? Though I realize what is going on is probably not personal, it's still difficult not to feel rejected.

Any comments or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Peace,
Scott.

Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 12:45pm
As a man, the only consolation I can give you is that my wife who is 71, enjoys sex more today than at any time during our 50+ years of marriage. My wife's attitude, however, has always been to "keep her man happy". Even when she is not really excited about commencing sex, she gets "heated up" after we start. Perhaps you can try to convince her that starting sex is the key to sexual enjoyment for both of you. Good luck.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:12pm

Hi Scott. Didn't think I'd seen you around in a while.

I can tell you after 30 yrs. with my DH, that we BOTH had and have our peaks and valleys in libido that have nothing to do with hormones. And yes, it tends to come full circle back to where we started.

However, your wife probably is in perimenopause where her hormones begin fluctuating as if she was a teen again. Remember those days? LOL! I'm sure SHE does.

I wouldn't worry about it too much but continue to ask for what you want and try to make her feel good about herself. IF you stop asking, it may make things worse. I know that little extra emotional stroking goes a long way for me when I don't feel quite up to par sexually.

She may some other issue that you know nothing about that is weighing on her self esteem, confidence, etc. too. Might have a general discussion with her and find out how she's doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 3:12pm

Thanks for responding Kat and Gigi!

It's really great that you and your wife are so in sync Gigi...gives hope to all of us.

Kat -

I think you're right that this is just part of the whole deal. Maybe she is Perimenopausal.

She has touch issues that flair up occassionally. They are old patterns from a sexually abusive childhood. She has really come a long way with them, but there are times that they rear their ugly heads and lock the two of us in a pattern for a period of time. She thinks that I can be a bit obsessive and maybe she's right...we both have our deals and I guess that's just the way life is.

Peace,
Scott.