Is it normal to not be into sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
Is it normal to not be into sex?
22
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 6:35pm
I've never really been into sex. I mean other women talk about it like it's the best thing in the world and if my husband asked me I'd say no. I mean it hurts and I don't have orgasms from sex. I just see it as something to do when you want a baby. Don't get me wrong it feels really good when I get oral pleasure but sex without that is bland. My husband is good in bed but I've always been this way. Is there any way I can get a new outlook on this because after a while I see this as becoming a potential problem.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 8:15pm
Are you relaxed? Do you get plenty of foreplay? Are you lubed up enough? It shouldn't hurt to the point where it's not enjoyable. How long have you been sexually active? Was dh your only partner or have you had others? If others, was it always this way?



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 9:01pm

If you're having pain during intercourse, no wonder you're not into it but intercourse

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 11:15pm
Reading your post makes me wonder how old you are?
Sex should never hurt if your are aroused enough. If you are aroused enough you should have natural lubrication, if you have a problem with that then you should buy some lube at the store and use that. Most of the time the reason why sex "hurts" is because you're not wet enough. As far as not have orgasms, do you do different positions? For a long time the only position in which I could get off was woman on top. And that's because it stimulated my clit. I am now able to have an O in different positions with practice.
One more question, when you guys do have sex....are you turned on? Or do you just do it cause you want to be pregnant? Do you ever feel horny?
Photobucket
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 7:46am

Welcome to the board kdaerose.

As the others have mentioned, sex should not be painful. There are some medical conditions that can make sex painful, so if you are usually in pain, you should talk with your doctor. Otherwise, you need to relax, make sure you are well lubricated (natural or added), and in the mood to enjoy sex.

Your largest sex organ is your brain. You can better learn to enjoy sex if you get your brain into the act. Think about sexy things, act sexy and want to be sexy. Enjoy the sensations that you feel and desire to help your DH enjoy the sensations that he feels.

Since you do orgasm from oral sex, perhaps having DH start that, then move to IC, then back to oral will help you enjoy IC more. You will be highly aroused during IC, and he will still be helping you have an orgasm after that. You may be ignoring the pleasures of IC because you are already feeling satisfied.

Here are a couple of articles that you might find helpful/interesting too:

Sexual Pain
http://pain.health.ivillage.com/chestabdomenpelvicpain/sexualpain.cfm

5 Things That Can Ruin Your Sex Life (and how to avoid them)
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexconcerns/0,,traceycox_7slp2dh5,00.html

The Secret to Continuous Orgasms
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexorgasm/0,,drpatti_f42,00.html



Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket





my partner in the siggy exchange





iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 10:16am
I'm probably not lubed enough. I mean we have the ky jelly but half of the time when we are going to do something then it's in the bathroom and would distract to get it. That would help though. And I've had other partners and it's been the same way with them too. I think it's me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 10:21am
I'm 20 years old....I know it's sad but I've been active since 14 and it's always been this way. Most of the time I'm not aroused and it's because I anticipate the pain instead of relaxing and letting my husband do foreplay. It's my fault, and most of the time I do it because my husband wants to not because I do. I will try to make it a point to lube up before and not think about sex as painful. That may help. But you said something about emotions? I recently lost my 4 month old baby and just two days ago my grandad passed away whom I was close to. Do you think that could have anything to do with it? My mind may be on other things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 5:50pm

Hi there,

I had to laugh about the baby part. What is normal? do we really know.
I use to not care wether we had sex or not. I changed the way I thought
about it. I now look at it as a release and away to let go pobaly the only time
I can relax and think about nothing else. That alone has done wonders for my sex drive.
I'm nolonger worried about the way i look or if I'm doing it perfect. That was always a
huge stress for me and it caused me to not care for sex. Now you said it's painful.
Well I understand that to. Have you ever used a lube? Right now it hurts me because I'm
so pregnant so dh will get me to the point of climaxing and then he will enter me and it feels awesome plus we use lube to help me. Thinking of sex as just for making a baby has
to be putting a damper on it as well! Yes that's what it's can give you but it can give you somuch more. When you change your thoughts on it I bet you will enjoy it more.
I know I do!!! Think of it as your time to let go and don't worry about him he is enjoying it and so should you just let your mind clear and let the sensations take over.
Hope this helps.

Kareese

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 6:38pm
Sorry for not being clear. I don't consider sex as just a way to make babies, I was agreeing with another women that suggested that as a possible reason I may not enjoy it so much. I thought you were laughing at the fact that I lost my baby a couple of months ago. I was on the brink of becoming irrate. But then I saw that you thought I considered sex as just for making babies and I had to laugh myself. No I just was wondering if me losing my baby could be a possible reason that I may not enjoy sex much. If I could keep my mind off of things I'm sure that would help. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 7:20pm

kdaerose...I am so very sorry that you have lost a child....and only a few months ago. I'm sure this painful loss has affected all aspects of your life...how could it not.


Having said that ...you can enjoy sex despite having a tragedy in your life. Many people turn to sex as a way to recover from tragedy...sex becomes a way to take your mind off of daily stresses and painful circumstances. The intimacy and closeness with a partner can be soothing, satisfying and unbelievably sensual. Or so I think.


Please pardon an indelicate question and I don't expect an answer...I just want you to think about this. I'm wondering if you masturbate and I'm also wondering if you are able to relax and enjoy a climax by yourself. Some women, myself included, find masturbation to heighten their all around sexual experience. Perhaps it could be a way for you to relax and learn to arouse yourself, enjoy your body and ultimately find more satisfaction with a partner. I think if you feel sensual, know your body and it's responses you could have a very satisfying sex life.


A woman deserves a wonderfully satisfying sex life. Or so I think.

champagnestrawberriesflowersbubbleb.jpg

Mrs P

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 2:50am


O'h I am so SORRY!! I did not read that I just read the first one
my mistake I don't normally do that. I could not imagine going through
that. Broke my heart just reading it. Being pregnant I sympthize greatly.
It could deffently be why you don't care for sex. I sure couldn't see
wanting to be touched after that atleast not for quite some time. So sorry again.

Kareese

Pages